I just came across in the online edition of “You” (The News) and it left me wondering.
Wrought existence
By Lubna Jerar Naqvi
Sometimes shattered souls open up to a complete stranger, revealing their most hidden and personal secrets. The shreds of past sorrows scathe you inside out if the anguish is kept inside. A time comes in life when one just spout out one’s miseries to gain peace of mind.
Mrs. S.T. (she didn’t wish me to give out her name), revealed before me a secret that she has spent 51 years of her life guarding - a secret she lives and dies with every day of her life. Now she has broken her seal of silence and claims she had to muster courage all her life for this moment, when she could spread her whole life for all to see and take heed. When asked why did she take so long, she replied that all those who were involved are now dead and gone, and are no longer there to bear the yoke of shame or remorse for subjecting her to a manacled life.
“I was only 18 or perhaps 19 years old when I was married off. I wasn’t very educated. I was betrothed to my future husband right from my childhood.” She had a faraway look in her eyes. “On my nuptial night I was told by my lord and master that he married me because he was bound to me by tradition. And that I should not expect much from him, except for his name and the honour of being married. He went on and on about things I didn’t understand or care about at the time. I was too happy with the novelty of having a room to call my own. He claimed that he had no interest in me, and that his interests lay elsewhere.”
“Time progressed without us having any children. Older women around me started their sympathy routine, assuring me I would soon become a mother and that there was nothing to worry about. Time kept passing, but nothing changed. Slowly the empathy turned sour and got replaced by scorns on the part of my in-laws. My life was full of physical and verbal taunts, accusations were flung my way and I was held responsible for everything bad that befell the family.”
“I bore all this and more without a single protest for I was sure that it was all my fault. My husband had favoured me in public, although he never came near me or said a word when we were alone, but that was enough for me. His mother would wail all the time he was away, cursing me. She told me that I was an unfit wife, who couldn’t control her husband. She would repeatedly instruct me that I must pressurise him to take another wife, so that at least some of my ‘sin’ could be erased.”
"When nothing transpired and I remained childless for six years, my mother-in-law brought in pirs and mid-wives to deal with my ‘problem’, but to no avail. I went through the whole procedure without remorse, for I firmly believed that there was something wrong with me. Then my husband had to leave for another city on some business errand for a couple of months, which gave my mother-in-law the opportunity to remove me from her house.
I lived with my parents for many months till one day when I heard my husband was back and my mother-in-law had suddenly died. I was rushed back to the house for mourning. The lady had apparently succumbed to heart failure."
Mrs. S.T. sighed. “Things resumed normalcy as they tend to do after a death. During that time, we got a visitor who was my husband’s friend. I was told that he was to live in our house. One day, I walked into the room my husband inhabited during the day, oblivious that there might be anyone there. But to my horror I had walked in on my husband and his male paramour. I was speechless and must have fainted, for the next moment I found myself lying on a couch in that room. My husband reprimanded me for walking into the room. He tried to pretend that he was angry at me for I had entered without observing proper purdah in front of a total stranger. Not a single word made any sense to me as I was swooning. I had seen something totally alien to a woman of my time. And I could not erase the image from my mind. Now I knew why my husband didn’t want to be near me though I had no idea what to call it, he wasn’t interested in me or any courtesan because he was interested in men.”
“I remained in suspended animation over the next couple of days watched closely by my husband. Then he finally let the truth out, not that I really cared any more that he was homosexual and wasn’t interested in me as a woman/partner. All I could recall were the spiteful attitude of other women who bore children, gossiping about my inability to have children - my inaptitude to keep my husband attracted by losing him to another woman. How I wanted to blast them away with my husband’s words, “interested in men”. How I cursed my mother-in-law for holding me responsible for the shortcomings of her son. But I didn’t dare tell anyone because my ‘lord and master’ had forbidden me. I was to quietly face every remark flung my way and never absolve myself of blame and ridicule.”
The deep marks of agony were apparent on Mrs. S.T.'s face. “The day he had come back from his ‘trip’, his mother had verbally attacked him vowing that she would not forgive him if he didn’t take on another wife. She said she had found a girl had already proposed to the family on his behalf. There ensued a massive argument, both of them screaming, when the words just fell out of his mouth that he was not interested in women, he liked men.” This proved to be a blow for the old woman and she succumbed to this revelation."
“I continued to live with my husband, aware of his activities unable to break away. I thought to myself where would I go if I leave him, and what would I say? In our times a divorced woman was worse than the dead was. But living like that I became worse than a corpse. It was as if I was a zombie condemned to roam the world till eternity or until my husband passed away.”
Mrs. S.T. went on, “in today’s world being interested in the same gender is nothing extraordinary, and now I hear in other countries there are even laws that allow gays and lesbians to get married and live a happy life. I wish we had laws in our time, allowing this. It is a crime to allow men and women interested in the same gender to marry the opposite sex just to protect themselves from social fury. To avoid becoming an outcast such people tend to marry, ruining there own lives, but more so that of their partner. Why condemn another for one’s own gain? I would like to ask the society to forgive those who are different from ‘normal’ and allow them to take to their paths and not ruin the lives of innocent beings.”
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What do you people think? From the religoius point of view, this is completely forbidden but what about from the social point of view? Is it worth keeping it hush-hush at the risk of ruining innocent lives?