Ok today me and my mum got in a HUUUGE fight today my sister brought up the whole rasme where the brides throw rice when its rukhsati time..i said I’m not doing it because i don’t even know what it signifies? and then my mum and sister got all high and mighty on their thrones and said you have to do it, it’s tradition..so i replied back saying ok but what does it mean? why do brides do it? and they were like because you have to do it! (great reason btw ) and THEN my sister said what about holding the Qur’an over brides head and i said HELL NO. and my mum got all annoyed and huffy and puffy as well as my sister and they were both like you have to do it..it’s tradition and i said yeah but it’s STUPID! the Qur’an is supposed to be read and respected..it DOES NOT give you blessings..
now my question is..was i right in saying that? Who does these traditions and WHY? are we supposed to?
You don't HAVE to cupcake! Traditions vary from family to family anyways and I havn't seen any Pakistanis throwing rice so that one is a new to me, I thought that was a hindu thing.As for the Qur'an, it is held over a brides head to "protect her" in her new life, and to bless the beggining of her new life.
Totally getting your point! Had the same issue at my wedding, where I wanted no rasam-o-riwaaj that had nothing to do with my faith/religion. I did not do the rice thingy, neither the Quran holding. Instead of holding the Quran over my head, my dad read' 4 qulh, and ayat-ul-kursi on me, and me and my hubby read shukraney ke nafil right after our nikkah alhamdulillah :) That's about it! :)
Alot of the traditions found in Pakistani weddings do not have any backgrond or meaning in our religion. Alot of the rasams are inspired from hindu weddings I think :)
i know i and i really DONT want to do these traditions but then all the elders will be on my case and i'll have no one siding with me :( i think personally that it's disrespectful to be using the Quran like that! it's not what its meant for! Yeah i think a lot of the rasam's are inspired from cultures which have nothing to do with religion and thats one thing i hate about pakistani's! they think oh because its done in culture its got to do with religion as well! ARGHHHH! :(
p.s Newt i like the reading parts of the Quran which i think have more significance then just holding it above your head!
Yeah well, this tradition is not related to Quran or Sunnah. They say that by doing this, the bride remains under the blessings of Allah Subhanawtahla, but I'll rather say it's biddah. One should read the Quran, and implement on it, and inshAllah then Allah will bless us.
Agar mazhab ke mutabiq shaadi karni hai, phir to 99% percent of the traditions in aaj kall ki pakistani shadiyaan be removed! lol! :)
I think you should come to a compromise. Read some of the quran yourself and then pass under it according to the elders' wishes. Why create any sort of bad feeling? surely it is not BAD to pass under the Quran
My family does the Qur'an thing as well, but we're not allowed to do the rice thing because it's not good. Some of my friends have also done the ayat-reading from the Qur'an as well, which is sweet. I guess it's up to you how special it means to you and whether it will really bother you to have it.
For what it's worth, I COMPLETELY agree with you Cupcake - holding the Quran over your head does NOTHING! There is no tradition in the ahadith or classical writings of Islam, and nothing written in the Quran itself about doing it, it's just an innovation into our Pakistani culture that people have started doing. I personally hate those kinds of rasms and will fight to not have them on my wedding inshAllah!
As for what you can do, it's a shame you got into a fight with your mum about it, but it's your day and really, you should be doing what you're comfortable with. I would just explain to my mum that I'm really not happy with it cus it has no significance so I don't want to do it, and hope she listens!
The purpose of Quran is to read it, understand it and ACT upon it. Passing under it will not give u any blessing. If u think u are doing a sawaab ka kaam by passing under Quran, its an innovation. Protection and blessing is from Allah alone. But as said above, people come to compromises :) Do what you and your family find right, inshAllah :)
we all have different opinions. my family doesnt do the rice thing but we do, do the passing under the Quran. I think that when Bibi fatima d/o Rasool pbuh the Quran was held over her head but I am not sure about that. but i would suggest you do atleast one thing so the elders dont think that you are disrespecting them or anything. Its your wedding, time for you to be happy and surround yourself with people who are happy as well. by doing one of the things your happy and so are they.
^ i agree. Im sorry cupcake but its not just your wedding. For your parents and loved one's it is THEIR daughter's wedding and so it is about them to a certain extent. Let them have their rasms if those are not in direct conflict with religion - ie shirk etc - or something that you just absolutely cannot stand at all
Yeah i personally don't feel comfortable with it..some people may feel different but each to their own i guess! if something involves something to do with religion then I'm very wary about it especially when I've not read about it or heard about it..like things like this! i wanna do my wedding the right way and i don't wanna be doing traditions which aren't religious! fair enough my family are like do the rice thing but ill draw the line at the Quran thing..it just really got to me when both my sister and mum ganged up on me insisting that i do it..i know the elders of the family are gonna be the same..fiancee agrees with me and so does my 17year old sister who knows hardly anything about Islam but she does know when things sound stupid LOL thanks for the input guys! and here i was thinking i was being stupid!
Cupcake I totally support you in your decision and think exactly the same…Holding Quran over her head does not signify ANYTHING…if you want your daughter/sister to be blessed than read surahs with her at the time of rukhsati…infact I think it is so disrespectful that you hold Quran over a brides head…it has no basis, how many brides in Pakistan live unhappy lives or end up getting divorced so are you telling me but had Quran held over their heads at the time of their rukhsati…a family..allll of the family infact should give her duaaen so there are more chances of their duaen getting qabooliyat and THAT would definitely have an impact on a bride’s life.
As for the rice throwing thingi…how can you even say it is a Muslim tradition when in Islam wastage of food is soo frowned upon.. Isn’t it disrepect of food when the bride throws rice over her head and that comes under peoples shoes…I always thought that was only ever seen in Bollywood movies but I have recently been watching a lot of Muslim Pakistani weddings where brides are throwing rice over their heads…why do we have to follow traditions from other religions is just beyond me..I saw a video where a bride is throwing rose petals over her head instead of rice..thats fine atleast it doesnt waste food but why do we have to follow other faith’s traditions…
So Cupcake if your family really pushes you to do the rice thing…instead of using rice you can use flower petals
P.s. please ignore the grammar/mis-spelled words…just in a hurry
whats the big deal. WEDDINGS themselves are a tradition....the only islamic thing in it, is the nikah. and ruksati. the entire event, where 90percent is just for fun is all tradtions, so you wont be having a mendi? no dancing, no music?
and if people do certain things for tradtion sake, but not other things, where do you draw the line....
plus- i went to a wedding where the quran wasnt held over her head, and WOW DID PEOPLE TALKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
Yeah I thought of wastage of rice as well! Guess I'm just gonna have to go through wars with this! I'll bear the rose petal thing in mind as well! Fair enough it's disrespectful to elders but tbh if i really don't want to do a specific thing then I won't. Especially when I know I'm right. I know that may sound rude but it's even ruder doing Bidaah.
The only legit explanation of the rasam that I came across when I was getting married and didn't wanted to do any rasams just because. I am not sure whats the source and how credible it was but what I found out when I was researching regarding it was that our prophet (pbuh) sent Quran with his daughter after nikah during rukhsati and since its disrespecting the quran to have it low in between crowd, they raised it high up as they walked her out just to show respect to the Quran and gave it to her to take it to her husband's home. Walking underneath thing, not sure who got that idea. Anyhow, I dont have the link anymore where I found it so can't really say its credible.
Nadz123 you draw the line where 'fun' traditions start incorporating the islamic holy book! That's why I'm saying I've not a problem with the rice thing (even though I find it kind of well silly) but I've more Of a problem with holding the Quran over my head.
my sister brought up the whole rasme where the brides throw rice when its rukhsati time..i said I’m not doing it because i don’t even know what it signifies? and then my mum and sister got all high and mighty on their thrones and said you have to do it, it’s tradition..so i replied back saying ok but what does it mean? why do brides do it? and they were like because you have to do it! (great reason btw 
) and THEN my sister said what about holding the Qur’an over brides head and i said HELL NO. and my mum got all annoyed and huffy and puffy as well as my sister and they were both like you have to do it..it’s tradition and i said yeah but it’s STUPID! the Qur’an is supposed to be read and respected..it DOES NOT give you blessings..