well…my husband is very loving and caring ‘MOST OFTEN’ he try to fulfil all his responsbilties.our marriage is love+arrange…we married for six years and have 2 childrens.The prblm begins right after our marriege one of his coleague making calls and sms to him more often i never feel any jealousy type thing…
then another girl came his office and he make gup shup to her through sms and often trys to secret it well i caught him deleting a sms and igot angry him he apolgigies me and got very ashamed(sory my english is very bad)…i ignore all that happend
after 2 years i was seeing his account on facebook when a small window of chating opens in which he is chating with a girl admiring her beauty and allla balla…
this time again he made so much sory to me and close his face book accoun t for my pleasure but this time i depressed so much
well now last sundy when he is busy his mobile i took it for investigation that what is he doing for a long while and i m shocked realy shocked to see that he is again chating another girl calling her janoo dear etc…
plz plz can any body help me giving some advise in this situation
what should i do with him how can i stop him
he is very nice person no bad habits i know he loves me…
every body have very good image of him and like him
shold i disscuss this situation with his or my family members
i cant share him with anybody even in just chating and timepass
You say he loves you.. But he shouldnt be speaking to women outside of the marriage its wrong. You need to sit down and talk to him, and tell him its upsetting u. Calling another woman jaanu etc is not acceptable behaviour. Jab tak aap un see baat nahin karengi woh yeh sab karta rahen gaa, aur waisi bhi woh apni harkato se baaz nahin ayaa, you have caught him a few times now,
we talk many time on this topic and every time he act like he is very sory on this but next time the same story repeat...
i m very disapoint now i never thaught that he do these cheap acts...
and i had very good image of him in my mind but....
so is there no any other option to stop him in future?
Create a chat account and chat with him. Seriously , how does he get time to do all this. He has a family and works too , how does he get faltoo time for all these harkatain.
May be you guys should start spending time together as a family , like watch movies , go to parks , museums, picnics , art exhibitions , beaches , gardens , play carrom , lodoo , cricket , hockey , football . Be creative, sky is the limit , maybe the home life has become boring for him , put some mirch masala in it.
Once you start to arrange and plan all these he will start to do so too.
The tricks is to get him off of that mobile phone and that computer which he uses to chat with other women to pass his time.
Why do people behave in such a way that has the potential to severely alter…for perhaps forever…the way their spouse (and even kids, if there are any) percieves them? How depressing.
There’s so much that you risk losing and so many people that you end up hurting. If this is indeed true, what a loser.
i agree, these kind of really piss me off either they end up having affairs or bring home second wives
cool iies - i dont know what your personality and what kind of person your husband is but one way to handle this could be to make him realize the consequences. you have young kids, tell him any wrong action could destroy everything even before it is built. dont go to family members yet - imp thing - ask him what does he want eventually? he does want a family and raise his kids? he cant be married and fool around at the same time.
why is he talking with other women and calling them jaanu, isn't that "my love". when you confronted him what was his reply? '
maybe you two should go to a marriage counselor, if you still love him and want to keep this marriage alive, it's kind of important for him to stop this behavior if he's committed to you.
Okay Im lost at what to say. We had a similiar thread here a while back too. I wonder if our words here can help you much. One thing is for sure, he doesnt love you the way he says. Love doesnt lead someone to keep an extra marital affair. And I am afraid, if man once steps into that direction, its hard to have him back and reformed. I can only feel sorry for you and pray to Allah that He guides your husband and every husband to be faithful to their wives and not looking else where to call others janu and etc.
thanks every one for responce...
i was thinking that most members reply me that this is not serious and its like a trend.i have no close frnd no sister to share these things also i dont want to make my husbend 'sharminda'even befor his parents
mirch i'll work on ur idea also
's khan' i have the personality which a husband desirs(inner outer both) my husband is also good looking and we r from isb
my husband is also my frst cousin and very religious in this july we went for UMRAH together ALHAMDOLILLAH.....but these kind of acts hurt me
i realize after ur replies that he never loves me he just burden the relation
Your post is a revelation after revelation of shocks honestly. Whatever you tell about us, like he loves you, he is caring, he is nice and shareef, and now that he is religious too, and all that. this all doest really match with someone who would chat with a na mehram girl after his marriage and call her Jaan or jaanu something. The problem isnt that he doesnt love you. Thats one thing, but I just wonder what kind of person he is. Im sorry but the only word came to my mind is hypocrite.
Do not involve the family, talk to him. And point out the contradictions in his behaviour. Doing such things and then running after you with apologies isnt something that should work long.
he needs a psychitriast. he has the habits of a double personality. maybe some disorder to chat and ask for forgiveness. he tends to be inferior to you and superior to those women.
More power to her for wanting to work it out. I don't know how I'd react if I were married and in her situation....but I don't think I would have stuck around. This is a betrayal of trust that's hard to move past. There are enough hassles in everyday life...without also having to worry about what your spouse is doing/where they're going/do they still think about the "other woman/do they love you/do they find you attractive/are they in the marriage because they really want to be in it or because do they see it as an unpleasant obligation. It's mental anguish and it can do a real number on your self-esteem...and it's degrading to oneself.
If she really wants to stay with him....then apart from talking to him and possibly seeking professional/spiritual help....I think she also needs to reflect upon WHAT exactly is lacking in her marriage that is causing her husband to stray....does he feel that something's missing in their relationship? Although that's not a justification for infidelity...but perhaps they can work out some compromises. Again, more power to her. I don't think I'd be as merciful.
Please talk to him seriously...........he thinks that no matter what he does and if these relationship (mostly timepass) don't work out he has beautiful wife and children at home. There are too many men who think what is my wife going to do? i give her a home, children, money so I could do whatever I want.......I will act religous and respectable.......but inside I will do What I damn please.........these people really don't fear allah or they think they will go to umrah and ask for forgiveness and start all over again.....
the other problems is that cell phone and internet have brought out the devil in people......they are "cheating" by chatting, sms, etc........
You need to to be firm and say that you will not tolerate and you will leave him if need be (you have children so this should be last resort). so first talk to him firmly and stay away from him to let him know about your displeasure....also like Mirch said plan and do alot of family activities. Keep him him busy and involved in household activities.......if this does not work....then seek help from some family member or get counseling. there is islamic couseling available........depends on where you live and so do counseling thru skype too.
but this is not phase - very serious issue and you should be strong and tackle like a strong woman.........
I am agree with Mirch Bhai, entertain him, provide him some activities that can bring him back to you, I know, its easy to say and hard to implement but seriously, to save the relation.. you WILL have to work hard on it..
One suggestion, Do not fight, Do not be like complaining every now and then, do not get angry and get "NARAZ" and most importantly, whatever happens, don't LEAVE your home!! Stay with your husband!!
This is the time, you need to be wise and handle the situation very tactfully.. yea, its the time when YOU need to be compromising and understanding.. its not because AURAT KO JHUKNA HOTA HAY, its just because, right now you are not the one who has the dice.. so be patient and tactfully, bring him out of the situation he is going through, the way, HE doesnt even come to know that you are doing this to get his attention!!
Good Luck!
DON'T force/threat him because internal force is always more powerful and long lasting than the external force, that can have a strong opposite reaction. What he is doing is weakness of character and doesn't mean that he doesn't love you anymore. It is in the nature of men to want more lust, whether legal or illegal, that is why he is allowed 4 wives in certain specific cases, and that is why Allah (swt) tells him to control here and you can have "Hoor" in Jannah. (the nature of relation with them is unknown to us, but pure enough to not cause any jealousy in the heart of a wife).
He loves you that is why he keep on apologizing to you and doesn't get offended when you check his mobile,....etc. Believe me it is rare among men these days with HUGE ego. Now, you can't convince him to overcome his seeking lustful pleasure towards the forbidden, because his MIND already admits that it is wrong. The problem is with his HEART, that needs strength of character and self respect. Which is only possible through fear and love of the CREATOR. Take out some time for reading hadiths together about husband wife relationships, protection of ones gaze, about the lives of the Prophets and his companions, which would lead to strengthening of his character. It would develop in him a determination of protection of his gaze. When he doesn't look at them, then why would he develop an urge to talk to them.
The shortcut is to find him a company of good Allah fearing friends, who are religious and practicing Muslims. If you have good relations with any such family.
The case mentioned is just the outcome of many other minor steps (that actually lead to this big step) but have now become so common that they are not taken seriously. Watching bad movies, looking at other women outdoor, having immoral thoughts about them, and using immoral ways of satisfying oneself in the absence of one's wife actually leads to the urge for more practical lustful pleasure. Some wives ignore those minor steps and get worried when those activities lead to practical interaction.
Our Ideal gave us simple solutions, when away from spouse. FASTING. And generally, 5 times SALAH (with dedication) protects one from illegal lustful activities.
u r right mirage he do all this activities although he is caring some how sensitive
marired women! what would u do in this situation while u have 2 kids
