**I’ve been thinking about this for a looong time but I had never tried to ask it here.
So when Some1 dies, how do you give condolences ?
Apart from the typical
or
What kind of sentences or duas will be more “comforting” then these “typical” lines ?
It’s really weird but I had to ask this …
Please don’t flood in this thread
**
I lost someone very close to me not long ago.
And one of the things that I didn't appreciate was people asking me to give details on how this person died.
Please don't do that. It hurts. Unless the person is offering details him/herself in order to just get it out, don't ask.
Really, the most important thing is just being there for the person who has lost someone. You can tell him/her that you're sorry, that you're making dua, and that your friend should make dua as well. And instead of telling your friend to take care of him/herself (which you should do anyway), you might want to DO something yourself. Offer to clean up or make dinner, watch the kids for a couple of hours, take out the trash, do the grocery, pick up dry cleaning...all the little stuff that people don't want to think about during a crisis but must be done anyway.
Hope this helped.
Oh, and giving condolences is not the time to offer other stories of other people passing away. The person is already upset that his/her spouse/parent/sibling/child/relative is gone. Telling him/her about someone else passing on is only going to make her feel worse.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
**^thanks for the reply, I'm really sorry for you.
You're right often people say that " apna khayaal rakho, Iss ka bhi khayaal rakho aur uss ka bhi khayaal rakho" and they really ""don't care"" about the feelings of the other person who's suffering at the moment and how those littles thing are really helpfull and comforting.
**
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
i find these times so akward since i never really know how to comfort someone, but one elder once said to think of death as a trip everyone has to take, and that some people get there before others but everyone is going to the same place eventually(she said it in urdu of course but i don't like typing urdu) i think that's a comforting way to think of death.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
ye this topic is hard to discuss... I don't know how to offer condolence either
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
Really Hard topic for me at least .........
I think it would depend on the person whom to offer condolences
Culture
Personality
Maturity
Age
will do matter.
You know in some cultures people Mourn on their relative dead bodies while in many cultures they simply remains silent mostly and I have seen cases where people do Ebadath many will recite holy quran others will pray etc
Still there sits a gathering where people from far places comes and offer their condolences.
They do ask the reason of the Death or the sufferer will him/herself mention that.
Some people take this opportunity to deliver some speech regarding the fact of humainbeing "Every livingthing have to die" etc.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
a simple, im sorry for your loss etc..
but yes, please dont bring up, "so and so died, and their death was worse." its just not good.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
**Yes I know it's a bit difficult matter but when people recieve condolences what do they usually say?
I know there are lots of way to react but when some1 says to you :
"Bohot Afsoos hua hai" what do you/the other person say ?
Should you remain silent or ... ?
**
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
This is one thing that I have not learned yet. For some reason, I cant give condolence speach
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
*No one ?
*
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
I find it tough and really awkward....... I usually just say "buhut afsos hua" and then keep silent. People start narrating stories themselves of how it happened or someone else will ask and they will progress from there.... in any case, its tough.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
It depends how formal or informal the relation is to lawahyqeen , if formal I mostly stay quite, ziadaa say ziadaa say bohat afsos hoa,mujhey maloom hay kitna mushkil hay leikin Allah aap ko sabar day, if informal I hug, kiss the ladies,cried wid them, didn't hav to say much,just be prsent thr for someone close.
It depends on the situation & how close you are to that person.
Most of the times I don't say "afsos hua" I don't think that's an appropriate thing to say. I'd rather tell them to hold themselves together. It was Allah's amanat & he took it away. All of us have to go away one day & how do we know maybe the deceased is at a better place right now.
Anyone who has lost a loved one is so emotionally drained & all they keep on thinking about is why my family or friend or why me or why us. If its a close family member I'll try to talk them into realistically accepting it rather than crying myself. If I feel I might cry then I go to some other place where no one can see me & offer a dua.
Other than that offer to help clean or cook if I can & most of all make sure they eat.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
**^Loved the way you told that :
[QUOTE]
It was Allah's amanat & he took it away. All of us have to go away one day & how do we know maybe the deceased is at a better place right now.
[/QUOTE]
It's more comforting. **
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
^True that.
I so hate it when people go for condolences at someone's place & start crying/wailing/talking about the deceased as if god forbid everyone knows he/she is going to hell or something. It just depresses the family even more.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
I had a very close friend who passed away last yr and had tons of people come for taziat. Although it was a tough time, I APPRECIATED every single person who showed up no matter what they said (bc at that pnt, it doesn't really make sense what anyone is saying anyways plus you also have to be considerate to people who show up bc it is hard for anyone to codolence; just the fact that they cared enough to call or show up should be enough). If you don't want to talk then best would be to politely request people to come at a later time. Even if someone slips and says something horrible or start comparing someone else's death, you have to remember that it is DIFFICULT for anyone to relate to someone's pain and in such situations, we all have slips with our words.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
Take some ras gulle and gulab jamun with you.
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
*^Ras gulle and Ghulab Jamun ???? Every1 who'll see that is going to think that u're a fool...
*
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
Hm, how about berfi and laddu?
Re: Ho do you give condolences ?
How do you normally comfort people ? I mean do you remain silent or what are the lil things that could help them...?