Scenario: I find out my husband is HIV positive. So far we’ve been using condoms. I am HIV negative. We were planning on having kids, and we’ve found out that he is HIV positive.
As a good muslimah, what would be my next course of action?
(hypothetical scenario, but a very common one, nonetheless)
Re: HIV
Do you think ur decision would be impacted if you knew HOW he got HIV?
Re: HIV
That's not my motive.
Situation is that if I stay with him and work on baby-making, I could very well get HIV. So could my baby.
or I stay with him and use condoms and try not to have kids. We're talking about a desi family - his mother and father don't know, and they're bugging me about getting pregnant.
or I leave him.
?
Do I have a right to leave him? Is that moral? Or being a good wife defined by me staying with him and risking getting the infection?
Re: HIV
Do you think ur decision would be impacted if you knew HOW he got HIV?
Peace Sara516
:)
Re: HIV
I know where this will go. To take out the confounding variables, lets say it was through a drug infusion through a dirty needle in a small clinic in Gujranwala.
Re: HIV
That's not my motive.
Situation is that if I stay with him and work on baby-making, I could very well get HIV. So could my baby.
or I stay with him and use condoms and try not to have kids. We're talking about a desi family - his mother and father don't know, and they're bugging me about getting pregnant.
or I leave him.
?
Do I have a right to leave him? Is that moral? Or being a good wife defined by me staying with him and risking getting the infection?
PyariCgudia peace
If the risk is very high in contracting the virus then it would be foolishness that would prevail over love.
Re: HIV
IVF maybe
Re: HIV
hey
if u are badly in love with him then stay with him use contraceptives and adopt a child but if u can leave him and rather have your own children then do that.....
Re: HIV
IVF is too expensive for us. Amma jee is telling me and hubby ke agar bacha nahi hua, she's finding another wife. Hubby, imbecile he is, doesn't want to tell his parents because they'll think he had an affair and would disown him.
Bottom line: Is it moral for me to pick my health over my husband if it came down the two choices only?
Re: HIV
IVF is too expensive for us. Amma jee is telling me and hubby ke agar bacha nahi hua, she's finding another wife. Hubby, imbecile he is, doesn't want to tell his parents because they'll think he had an affair and would disown him.
Bottom line: Is it moral for me to pick my health over my husband if it came down the two choices only?
Peace PyariCgudia
I have already answered ... what point is there in contracting a disease that is fatal over someone else. If the hypothetical husband loves you either he will let his parents disown him by telling the truth or he will not oblige you to put yourself at risk. Nor should a woman put herself into a situation like that or else she could be blamed for committing suicide.
Re: HIV
He cannot force you to stay with him. Your health matters too. You have the final say in this matter, if you think you can live without children and if you want to, then adoption is one choice like massive said (if you are willing to live with your husband). But if you want your own children (which is your right), then you can do so.
EDIT: If it came down to loved one over my health, then I would pick health.
Re: HIV
How much do you love him? That's the question that will give you your answer.
Re: HIV
^Agreed.
As u said PCG, he prefers not to tell his parents for their lack of understanding about how he extracted it or whatever, yet he realizes that you do understand. Then, you ought to sit him down and tell him that you too want children and you do love him, for he is your husband and a life partner. But, he should convince his parents and explain the situation to them in a way suitable for him, as well as them, so the pressure does not build on u in any way because you're not at fault/in the gray here. It goes both ways. You look after his dignity, he looks after your wishes and your health.
However, being desi, expect to hear things because the mind span doesn't not extend to the point where people think of alternative and often will judge on the pretexts such as 'oh she couldn't become a mother' etc..etc..
So, it's best you do not compromise your health, and if you do love him and want to invest in a united future together as a couple. Talk about your options, explore what could work to satisfy everyone. Adoption is definately an option, and not to mention tons of sawab too because you would be giving an orphan/less fortunate child a better living. With the correct terminology, parents can be convinced.
Re: HIV
^Agreed.
As u said PCG, he prefers not to tell his parents for their lack of understanding about how he extracted it or whatever, yet he realizes that you do understand. Then, you ought to sit him down and tell him that you too want children and you do love him, for he is your husband and a life partner. But, he should convince his parents and explain the situation to them in a way suitable for him, as well as them, so the pressure does not build on u in any way because you're not at fault/in the gray here. It goes both ways. You look after his dignity, he looks after your wishes and your health.
However, being desi, expect to hear things because the mind span doesn't not extend to the point where people think of alternative and often will judge on the pretexts such as 'oh she couldn't become a mother' etc..etc..
So, it's best you do not compromise your health, and if you do love him and want to invest in a united future together as a couple. Talk about your options, explore what could work to satisfy everyone. Adoption is definately an option, and not to mention tons of sawab too because you would be giving an orphan/less fortunate child a better living. With the correct terminology, parents can be convinced.
Couldn't have said it better myself :)
Re: HIV
Do you think leaving him would be an easy option for me if I was a middle-class or working-class Pakistani woman in Pakistan, and I had no education, and therefore no job options?
How easy would it be for me to remarry?
Re: HIV
It would be quite difficult, i think. And the drawbacks are going to haunt you for a very very long time. Unless you dissociated from the people or community totally and moved to an entirely different part of the country, which for a working-class anybody is not possible.
You could possibly remarry, but then, will you be honest with your next hubby to be and tell him that you're remarrying and why?
Re: HIV
For argument's sake, yes, I'd be honest and tell him I got divorced because my older husband was HIV + from a contaminated hospital needle.
You think he'd take me? What about his family?
So, far, the Islamically correct option is for me to leave him and/or stay with him and adopt - according to what you guys are telling me.
Is this what's happening in reality?
Re: HIV
In reality, to be honest, i don't even know of a case as such. 1. Because people don't talk about it openly and 2. Because the case usually is/has been that people stay married, and divorces happen for all the wrong reasons (family feuds).
Now..as far as acceptance. It's possible. Will be difficult, but if you find an educated family that understands how you curbed the risk and took the best decision you possibly could, yes you will be accepted.
Re: HIV
yes, it is easier saying this then actually doing. Most women would just suck it up, stay with their husbands and put thier health on the line 
And If a women did leave her husband, the chances of her re-marrying are slim bcoz in that ignorant society, most of the blame from any split it thrown in the women’s lap 
hence, no many ppl would wanna marry a previously married women… and if they did, it’s be bcoz they are compromising on something else (like a man who has reached a very mature age and never got married, etc)
Re: HIV
Bottom line: Is it moral for me to pick my health over my husband if it came down the two choices only?
An emphatic 'yes'.
I'm tempted to say that it would be noble if one would stay married for the sake of caring for an ill spouse, but in this scenario there is a risk to the wife...I'm with psyah...I'd even suggest that it would be moral and even more noble of the husband to separate from his wife by his own initiative...