My cousin hits his wife when she does not dress up for him or does not make food for 3 days
His wife is now complaining to me and my brother to restrain him
my cousin is a religious guy he hits her lightly , never bruises her
what shud i do …my relations with cousin will get worse if i say anything against him [as we already had property disputes] .Furthermore he has rights over his wife …but my bhabi is trying to persuade my brother to restrain my cousin but i am warning my brother not get involved in this and ignore my cousin’s wife
Is physical abuse lawful in the country where they live? It is a crime in all western countries.
Perhaps this guy could use a course in anger management and also a bit of marriage counseling. Who wants to cook nice food for an abusive bully? Who would ever want to dress up nicely for an abusive bully? Me? I'd cook some dog poop into his dinner. Then I'd serve it to him on the finest china and head out the door while he's eating.
Perhaps you could have a chat with him about how beautifully women dress up and how nicely they cook for husbands who love, cherish and appreciate them.
^ ur right problem is my cousin is in pakistan where he can do what he want
furthermore he thinks being nice to women is like sucking up to them....he has had no female friends before marriage
My cousin hits his wife when she does not dress up for him or does not make food for 3 days
His wife is now complaining to me and my brother to restrain him
my cousin is a religious guy he hits her lightly , never bruises her
what shud i do ....my relations with cousin will get worse if i say anything against him [as we already had property disputes] .Furthermore he has rights over his wife ....but my bhabi is trying to persuade my brother to restrain my cousin but i am warning my brother not get involved in this and ignore my cousin's wife
any suggestions ?
Depends on who/what you find important, your relationship with your cousin, or how he treats his wife. If you think that its not important that she's being hit, or that he has a right to do that to her, and she should be abused....the answer is quite clear.
well non gave u a sound decent advice. Most approaches were childish and could result in breaking your cousin's family apart. Here is my expert advice :
The first important think is to evaluate the seriouness of matter.... how long has this been going on? for what reasons? Has your cousin or his wife got a history of such problems? and also...............its very important to weigh before you decide to intervene in their personal matter.........
Will your Cousin appreciate your poking in their personal matter? or will your participation end up in further disaster?
are you their elder? how old are they? Don't they have their own parents to take care of this matter?
My experience is if you involve cousins and xyz relatives.......things deteriorate further...and no positive outcome comes out.
Is physical abuse lawful in the country where they live? It is a crime in all western countries.
Perhaps this guy could use a course in anger management and also a bit of marriage counseling. Who wants to cook nice food for an abusive bully? Who would ever want to dress up nicely for an abusive bully? Me? I'd cook some dog poop into his dinner. Then I'd serve it to him on the finest china and head out the door while he's eating.
Perhaps you could have a chat with him about how beautifully women dress up and how nicely they cook for husbands who love, cherish and appreciate them.
where did you learn this stuff from? took some course in dispute resolutins? or is it your personal style? lol
Even in Pakistan, all it takes is a little bit of guts, and the guy will be behind bars. Even a famous celebrity cricketer like Moin Khan found his way to jail after hitting his wife, and was publicly humiliated in the media.
A bit of knowledge and education, and the women need to be explained they have rights. We cant make the system work unless we educate women, about their basic rights. No one can lay their hands on them, not even their husbands. We live in a civilized society where diplomacy must prevail, not barbarism.
p.s. Tell her to call the madadgaar hotline ‘15’ the next time he hits her.
Moin khan ?? thats surprising but he dislocated her shoulder thats severe beating
my cousin hits her more to insult her i know him] as he hits her in front of her friends /family and kids
if she calls 15 my cousin will divorce her FOR SURE ....not a good idea
*Off course its not a good gesture by any means.
*
Many questions come up;
Can there be any other reason he might be angry to her? Is she doing anything else to provoke him and not telling others? (Please don't get emotional, I am only inquiring)
Why is she not cooking or dressing up? *Beating by him and not cooking meal for three days can be a chicken and egg situation. *
People automatically side with wife when hear this situation so her story needs to be validated.
Still beating wife is not acceptable. Someone from family or close friend may need to be involved and be invited from herself. *She has the responsibility **to invite family/friends after discussing with husband and telling him she will not have a choice unless he stops. **She has to inform him about other people might need to be involved, if he is not willing to change his bad behavior.
*
It may become very difficult situation if he does not agree with other people involved. Its a tough situation. In that case she has to stick up for herself and have a gentle but firm stance.
Feeding bad meal or retaliating is simply going to make things worse unless she is ready to be separated or divorced.
Beating wife is not uncommon outside Pakistan. Not all get reported to authorities simply because the matter could be temporary and the result may leave a family with long lasting harm.
*Off course its not a good gesture by any means.
*
Many questions come up;
Can there be any other reason he might be angry to her? Is she doing anything else to provoke him and not telling others? (Please don't get emotional, I am only inquiring)
Why is she not cooking or dressing up? *Beating by him and not cooking meal for three days can be a chicken and egg situation. *
People automatically side with wife when hear this situation so her story needs to be validated.
Still beating wife is not acceptable. Someone from family or close friend may need to be involved and be invited from herself. *She has the responsibility **to invite family/friends after discussing with husband and telling him she will not have a choice unless he stops. **She has to inform him about other people might need to be involved, if he is not willing to change his bad behavior.
*
It may become very difficult situation if he does not agree with other people involved. Its a tough situation. In that case she has to stick up for herself and have a gentle but firm stance.
Feeding bad meal or retaliating is simply going to make things worse unless she is ready to be separated or divorced.
Beating wife is not uncommon outside Pakistan. Not all get reported to authorities simply because the matter could be temporary and the result may leave a family with long lasting harm.
Good reply! I hope everyone has the attention span to fully grasp it.
Seems like the guy is too full of himself, who is quick to put all the blame on his wife, without trying to realize that he could be wrong as well. It's very important to find a way to break the arrogance of such inept bullies.
There are OTHER ways to encourage a person to do things (studying, cooking, cleaning, dressing up, paying bills, running errands, etc.) As the saying goes,** "You attract more bees with honey."** There is a hadith which states that Allah is Gentle and prefers gentleness and also that gentleness is rewarded in a way that harshness is not.
The problem with making threats and HITTING.....is that it does NOT motivate people. Hitting might make a wife cook, clean, and dress up. ** BUT.......she will **ONLY be doing these things out of FEAR **......not** out of love, or sense of responsibility. And that's not healthy at all.
A person regardless of whether it is a wife or a child can be motivated with compliments and encouragement. The Prophet SAWS has advised his followers not to even a slap an animal. And there are several hadith emphasizing kindness to a wife.
We don't know what is going on in your cousin's house. There are two sides to a story. And if this is becoming an issue to where the marriage is in in danger of falling apart and the wife is feeling abused, then SOMEONE needs to talk to her husband. It could be another member of the family, a trusted friend, or an imam. If this woman has requested help, then someone needs to act as adviser/mediator to help alleviate the situation. And if things don't get better and the marriage is dysfunctional beyond repair, perhaps a separation should be considered.
I dont understand the purpose of discussion DR if you dont really care about her or her feelings.
However, here is what I think:
Abuse doesnt come in the form of physical beating only. It comes in all forms...if he continues to hit her - ESPECIALLY in front of other people - she will suffer. Her self-esteem suffers, her self-image suffers and eventually she will start to resent the man who promised to cherish and protect her.
Why not step in and help her out? I dont understand your hesitation. Maybe her husband needs some common sense knocked into him? That hitting his wife wont make his wife love him, it will make her hate him.
Would any man like it if his wife smacked him upside the head in front of his friends because he isnt making enough to pay the bills on time? Oh how about when guests come over? "Sorry guys, my husband doesnt make enough to feed you all biryani and kabab, daal and chawal will have to do! Do come by again, maybe with next month's bonus, we can even have sugar in our chai!"
Frankly, Im sad for your cousin's wife. I bet she feels extremely betrayed by her husband right now and alone. Now that she is reaching out for help from family, they're thinking twice about helping her.
If she is reaching out to you or your brother for help, then I think you must at least do something. If you cannot speak directly with him, then maybe there is someone else who can ---his brother/sister/mother/father. Maybe today he is hitting her "lightly" so everyone is thinking its not a big deal, but who knows what he will start doing tomorrow. Please help her before its too late
I hope ur husband is not reading this