Does this couple have any kids? If not, then at least you don't have to worry about impressionable young minds witnessing abuse.
Das Reisch, if your cousin's wife has requested you to help...that's an honor. Because it's DIFFICULT for people to confide their marital problems to others. Many women stay quiet and endure things.....which is wrong. But you're being trusted by this woman, which is why she's asking for help.
Not ALL hitting results in bruising. A strong push or shove might not result in bruising. Even finger marks from a slap or a pinch will fade after some minutes.
And keep in mind that some people don't bruise easily. There are other people who bruise easily from even the slightest/smallest pressure. Everyone is different. This shouldn't be the basis for deciding whether or not to get help.
If you were being abused and reached out to someone, you would want help. I understand you feel uncomfortable about getting involved. Even the bravest of people can become hesitant about interfering in the affairs of others. But if you feel that you can't help her yourself......then refer the matter to someone who WILL get involved and help resolve issues. What about the wife's family? Are they involved? Perhaps a meeting with several concerned people including the couple should take place.
I'm sorry, there is no excuse whatsoever for any man to hit a woman for any reason. Whether he leaves "bruises" or not - even the act or threat of raising a hand does damage enough. This guy has a master-slave relationship or a doggie-master relationship. Since he is so very inept at dealing with the fairer sex, he resorts to cave-man tactics.
A real man would never even dream of raising a hand to a woman.
Yes my husband is welcome to read my view, he is well aware of my feelings on the subject and agrees with me that a man who hits a woman is severely lacking in social skills. My hubby is no cassanova - but he knows how to treat his wife, knows how to treat women...and know that raising a hand to them is a criminal offense. He was raised properly and knows how to treat the fairer sex.
Your cousin needs to learn how to interact with his wife. They are supposed to be partners, not master/slave.
Hitting a wife and especially infront of her friends & family usually indicates that the person is a BULLY.
He is suffering from inferiority or some other complex. A bully feels good by trying to dominate others physically.
He hitting his wife he is attempting to destroy her self confidence, self esteem and self respect.
If he is that religious, then he should know that there are several steps he needs to take. Anyway, an imam or someone with a lot of religious knowledge whom he'd respect may be the best person to intervene in such a situation, where he is explained how he is misinterpreting his religion and then given proper guidance as to what to do.
Bottom line is that an intervention is needed because either the entire town will be talking about him eventually, or the situation has the potential to deteriorate.
if he hits infront of the family n the family do nothing to help may b then its common in ur family n nobody minds.may b therefore u r reluctant n stoppng ur brother to get involved.i dunno how close ur bro is to that cousin but may b ur bro can talk to ur uncl(guys dad)n without really saying that the wife complaint ask him to help the poor girl.i mean if she doesn't cook for 3 days wat the family do then?r there other family members too n she want them to share duties.this can b sorted out but if shes doesn't dress up nicely ur cousin is unjustified in abusing her for that.Well just coz someone prays 5 times a day or hav beard they r necessarily not good muslims.ur cousin need to know more abt Islam.
DR, my sense is that you are posting here because you feel morally conflicted; you say you don't care for this woman yet you felled compelled to do something.
Whether you like it or not (or whether you admit to it or not) you have a conscious and you have a fair understanding of what is right and wrong. I think you also have compassion. These are all good things. And this thread gives me some hope about you...
In any case, this is a poor, hurting, helpless soul. She needs your help. How can you stand by and let this happen? Many posters have explained the various types of abuse, and they are all valid and painful regardless of the intensity of physical abuse.
Please try to understand this woman's pain and humiliation. And think of what she has endured to have found the courage to approach you. You can't let this go by unchecked. It has become your responsibility and you will be held accountable.
I don't know what the next steps should be. But it pains me to think that she will have to continue to live her life like this.
The good news is, he can change. You could possibly give this family a much happier, much more fulfilling life. Wouldn't you rather be a part of that change? Instead of being a party to the discontent that this family is sure to endure if this continues. Imagine what will happen as the children grow up. And what kind of men will his boys be? And what kind of behavior will his daughters endure from their husbands?
I hope you will make the right decision, and I feel as though you are inclined to.
All that I have to say on the issue of someone hitting his wife has already been said---I think it's horrible and there's no room in a healthy relationship for a spouse to hit the other, man or woman.
But I did have one related observation---the wife not dressing up, not cooking for extended periods, and now having to deal with physical abuse---it sounds likely that she could be clinically depressed. I know understanding of the issue in Pakistan is problematic, but is anyone in the family open to trying to get the wife some psychological support in addition to just trying to stop the physical abuse? There could be a serious condition behind her behavior and simply stopping the abuse won't solve it if it is depression...
Is physical abuse lawful in the country where they live? It is a crime in all western countries.
Perhaps this guy could use a course in anger management and also a bit of marriage counseling. Who wants to cook nice food for an abusive bully? Who would ever want to dress up nicely for an abusive bully? Me? I'd cook some dog poop into his dinner. Then I'd serve it to him on the finest china and head out the door while he's eating.
Perhaps you could have a chat with him about how beautifully women dress up and how nicely they cook for husbands who love, cherish and appreciate them.
Me too!!
Not been on this forum long but already picking up sum good ideas :D
My cousin hits his wife when she does not dress up for him or does not make food for 3 days
His wife is now complaining to me and my brother to restrain him
my cousin is a religious guy he hits her lightly , never bruises her
what shud i do ....my relations with cousin will get worse if i say anything against him [as we already had property disputes] .Furthermore he has rights over his wife ....but my bhabi is trying to persuade my brother to restrain my cousin but i am warning my brother not get involved in this and ignore my cousin's wife
any suggestions ?
Sorry no suggestions
Just wondering you mentioned your cousin is religious guy....what religion does he follow...mustnt be Islam coz it does not allow such a behaviour nor does humanity
If it was me in the situation...I wouldnt want to get involved. You nvr know if this bhabi is telling the truth or not.
She is a grown woman and should be able to handle her own. If she cant....then advise her to talk to her father or brother. They should be the ones to set him straight....not you.
I understand that you dont want to be invl. but its really sad that you are letting you cousin hit her and not doing anything abt it. i wouldn't care abt my relationship with my cousin if he was hitting his wife. what if that was you or your sister trying to get help. Put urself in ur her shoes...she is asking for help frm you guys.
My suggestion is that you and your brother help her.
If it was me in the situation...I wouldnt want to get involved. You nvr know if this bhabi is telling the truth or not.
She is a grown woman and should be able to handle her own. If she cant....then advise her to talk to her father or brother. They should be the ones to set him straight....not you.
P.S she should hit him back :D
^ its funny that you are saying she is a grown woman and should be able to handle her own problems, but in another post you said "should" isn't always the case. at least she is reaching out and not just keeping the problem to her self.
^ its funny that you are saying she is a grown woman and should be able to handle her own problems, but in another post you said "should" isn't always the case. at least she is reaching out and not just keeping the problem to her self.
you are comparing oranges to apples here...two different threads...two entirely different situations.
I agree she is reaching out.....and she should. However she is reaching out to the wrong person. She is putting people in a very tough and delicate situation. I would never have done that to anyone.
But thats just me!
anyway....him and his brother cant just come to the rescue for her without knowing the facts. What if she is lying? or exaggerating...or has some other motive. They need to get some more information before they ruin their relationship with their cousin.
i cant believe ur here even asking that questions. that woman is a victim of physical abuse. a lot of women feel vulnerable and scared. if she's reaching out to u OFCOURSE u should help her, as a human, u NEED to help her. ive had relatives go thru horrible relationships like that. they needed a lot of help. u should speak to ur parents and speak to ur cousin. have ur parents speak to ur cousin's parents. and seriously, would u even want a cousin like that? put urself in that woman's shoes. wouldnt u want someone to help u when ur feeling helpless and scared?
I understand that you dont want to be invl. but its really sad that you are letting you cousin hit her and not doing anything abt it. i wouldn't care abt my relationship with my cousin if he was hitting his wife. *what if that was you or your sister trying to get help. Put urself in ur her shoes...she is asking for help frm you guys. *
My suggestion is that you and your brother help her.
