I don’t mean to give you a hard time; I’ve been in that situation and I have to say your approach to this was not mature. I’m a pretty introverted individual but I knew the guy meant a lot to me and if I wanted it to work I would have to do something about it even if it made me weak in the knees. His sister was more of the listener than talker which I am too, but I stepped out of what is the norm for me and started a conversation and you know what 5 minutes into it was not bad at all, it was actually so much fun because she told me many cute stories from their childhood. When you saw her you should have approached her what would she that think, you like her brother, oh not that’s so bad! It makes me cringe how some desi girls totally have the “bhabi syndrome” it makes no sense at all, and you know what you end up coming across as being snooty.
For the people who are actually telling you to bring him into this, erm okay that’s such lame advice. Please don’t drag him into this, trust me that will put him in an awkward position, do you really want to him to pick and chose, your only setting yourself up to get hurt and making the situation more complicated (immature is more like it), your relationship is too raw right now for him to start defending you, especially since you are equally at fault. If you ever want to see the demise of a relationship than put the guy in a situation where it’s you versus his family, NOT GOOD! You are both grown individuals you can resolve this on your own. Call her up and tell her you were nervous and perhaps that nervousness conveyed that you were uninterested or rude. Don’t let a perfectly good guy get way because you two were too busy playing hide in seek. Don’t let the “bhabi pride” get the best of you, man you still have to meet the mama/ loads of aunties what are you going to do than?
Chameli it sounds like she is elder than you. You should have gone and approached her out of respect if nothing else. It would have been best in ur interest since you are the one who has something at stake. And as Belle said do not drag the brother in to this. You don't want to be someone tale telling or causing bad feelings between brother and sister even before becoming part of the family!
hmmm i kinda think u could have made the situation better..maybe u could have suggested that u know a place where u guys can hang out n if she still wanted to go over the aunty's place then its her choice..And if she does like the other girl better(which probably isnt the case) n if the brothers gonna listen to her, then trust me ur much better off without a guy like that!
i agree with belle and FF, i think u should have approached her out of respect... ive been in a similar situation.. and first (second and third) meetings with ur guys family members are always awkward... u cant assume that ur gonna hit it off the first second u meet.. and yeah shouldnt expect them to come and greet u.. even if they are from the guys side..
another thing, its alawys a bit difficult for the guys family (or even urs) to open up to you unless something is concrete.. well thats what ive noticed.. uve gotta give it time and its you who should make more of an effort to get to know her..
from my own experience, i can tell u.. it is a bit hard but trust me, once something is concrete between you and your guy, she'll open up to u more.. Inshallah and yeah try not to get the guy involved.. there is no point.
First impressions mean everything. The same offense you took to her behavior, she probably took to yours. I see this with desi girls all the time - and it has nothing to do with the fact that her bro and you are in a relationship.
So, now she's stuck with this first impression as are you about her.
:) Next, time, swallow the pride and just go say hi. Especially if you've seen a picture, and you think that might be the person you're looking for.
^ ummm i ran away the first time i had to meet my guys sister... i was dead nervous and didnt know what to do.. so no, sometimes first impressions dont last..
Chameli, just give her a call or something and try to make conversation... things will work out. Dont assume anything about her or her impression about u... trust me.. it all becomes a big misunderstanding..
I am sure cham was nice to the potential sis in law, but I dont see any effort from her side to make the relationship a go! Even though she was elder, she should have taken it in her hands as a mature and elder person to make it pleasent for Cham, as it was kind of an akward position.
All those who are suggesting that something might be wrong with Cham attitude dont see the other side of it, I believe in honesty and if Cham believed that she was not well treated than no harm in telling the bro that she felt somehow neglected by the sister or not enough effort was made from / both sides.
As when this relationship will get serious/towards marriage, honesty is the best thing in a relationship and she will encounter such more events and at least what she can expect is some moral support from her husband (to be).
Last night I was laying in my bed thinking that I dont wanna get married to this guy cuz he will be surronded by his sis and all these women from his family.
I am just fed up with this pakistani family politics thing that I was thinking of finding some revert with a European background but I guess I am just being childish.
Its nice to clean my system and type in everything here and get some nice tips from u guys:)
I will not tell him about how I feel about my first interaction with his sis. And I just emailed his sis answering something she asked about 2 days ago and I was too immature to just reply rightaway.
it was the first meeting… u gotta give the SIL some credit… for goodness sakes i remember when i met my SIL the 3rd time.. i even forgot her name!!
sometimes, its best not to think TOO much about the other persons actions. Noone is saying there is something wrong with Cham’s attitude.. all we are saying is not to assume anything negative about the SIL before even talking to her properly… sometimes it does take about 3-4 conversations to get to know someone.. how does honesty and trust come into this neways?
dude i fink u shud be the one offerin instead ! i mean serious ... she was new in town n was there to meet u ... so shudnt u go n talk to her instead ... n her attitude dont seem to be normal to me .. but may God help u out .. but without any offensice means i think SHE DIDNT LIKE U :(
Well I think if she didnt like me, its her problem and her loss. Of course I would like her to like me, but if she doesnt then its her problem. And if her brother listens to it, then its his loss too. However, I dont think I can feel any change in his behaviour since she met me other than that he has been way too busy with his work and hasnt called me for ages, but that was even before she came.
Anyways, I'll just wait and see what happens..and if not him, then Allah has someone else out there for me...
Now that’s a shame. You see how important it is to handle situations with maturity. Ego is your own enemy. And these little games are not worth your time.
You should get a serious ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ from the guy. It is really up to you if you want to continue going playing this guessing game.
hmmm...its not always easy to get a yes or no about this issue. I cant just ask him "did she like me" and if she didnt, I dont think it would be a very nice sitaution to put him in...
I’d be surprised if you don’t want to know where you are going with this friendship. Most of the girls do want answers and they want them now.
As for his sister…it really depends what kind of relationship he has with her. His sis’ liking for you might or might not mean anything to him or it could be everything…that’s for him to know not you.
When is he coming next? Keep me posted..I think I like your story
hmm there is nothing wrong with asking him if his sis liked u or not… isnt that the obvious question? i mean thats the first thing id ask my guy if id met his fam for the first time…
ofcourse we all get nervous, hence the reason why you should not assume anything negative about the SIL
i dunno if u were around a few months ago, but i posted this “headache” of a thread about my experience with talking to my SIL in the initial stages.. and this was before i even spoke or met my guy.. and honestly, im so glad ive had the time to talk to her now properly.. u should soooo not go by first impressions.. trust me, i bet she was just as nervous and feeling awkward as u.. u should give her some credit
also, dont base ur decision on one meeting.. i thought u said u’d been talking to this guy for awhile and u really liked him… how can u just snub him off cus of one meeting with his sister.. ? i dont think its wise…
FB: "Hi, I'm [name]."
Me: "Hi, I'm sara"
FB: "Yeah, [my brother] has told me so much about you."
Me: "really? that's cool. He hasn't told me anything about you."
FB: "uh..yeah"