His sister

I have been telling u guys about this guy I have met some months back. His sister came over from this other country to participate in a function I have arranged with other young ppl. And also she wanted to meet me.

Now the whole experience meeting her was very weird. Not that I didn’t like her. She seemed like a nice and down to earth person. But what I didn’t understand was that since we hadn’t met before and her brother (THE guy) couldn’t come along with her, there was noone to introduce us to each other.

He had showed me her pictures so I had a slight idea about how she looked like. And last time he came over to visit he took pictures of me with his mobile so I was guessing that he had showed her.

So when I came to the place, the function was being held, I sent her a sms that I am there now. But I didn’t get any reply back. A little while later I spotted her at a tall looking at some books or cds but I didn’t want to run over to her as she was the one from the guy’s side and why should I be so eager!!

So I waited to get a reply on my phone. But didn’t get any. Then she came over and sat at the same row as me. We got eye contact and I could feel that she knew that I was “her” but she just stared. And I didn’t know what to do so I looked away.

I then got reply on my sms that she was sitting there at that row so I smsed back that I was sitting at the other end of the same row but she didn’t look again or gave a smile. In the meanwhile, the function started with Quran recitation and then other stuff came on so everyone was focused on that.

But when it was break time, she still kept sitting there. Didn’t look around to find me and didn’t check her mobile either to see if I had written or not.

So I got offended and went to the cold drinks stall and waited for her to sms and show some eagerness. Afterall she was there to meet her brother’s choice…but no…there was no reaction. Then I called her and told that I was at that stall and she came there. She didn’t refer to our eye contact before and maybe pretended that she hadn’t seen my picture. Or maybe she hadn’t seen it and it was just me……

Anyways, she had some chocolate for me and she started asking me about how many brothers and sisters I have etc. things that she already knew about.

The break was over. We decided to go for dinner before the other part of the function would start later in the evening. The dinner went well. All the girls from the arrangement group were along with us so we didn’t get into any personal talk.

After dinner we went to the other part of the function. Here there was plenty of opportunity to get to know each other while having tea and cakes. But she sat with some auntie and started talking about her kids and started to start with her daughter ( and believe me I was getting both worried and envious as this girl was so much more cute than me etc and their family background etc would be more appealing to someone like her)

So I asked her to join me and other girls as she was there among aunties all alone. She came but didn’t say much here.

Then we drove them to their accommodation and met again the next day. The function lasted 2 days. So I asked her what her plans were for her last day in my town expecting her to suggest that we should hook up. But she goes like”Oh, don’t u worry, we (she and the aunties she came along with) are going to this aunties place (the one she was talking to the night before).

And I was like..hhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…what is going on here???shouldnt she be eager to spend more time with me than rushing into strangers’ home and meet them. The auntie she came with knew this family but still I think it was very very strange that she prioritized to meet them instead of spending some more time with me. She had 6-7 hours till leaving the country and she decided to go to their place instead and tells me not to worry about them getting bored here….

Tell me guys, isn’t it weird or is it just me expecting to be treated like a princess cuz her brother likes me and wants to marry me….hmmmm

Re: His sister

^^ I wouldn't really say it's weird, because you can't expect that she wants to spend time with you or that she likes you immediately just because her brother likes you. But then on the other hand, at least she should have tried to spend some time with her "bhabi"-in spe, ie you.

Another possibility is that she had some other commitments while being in the city and therefore could not spend all that time with you.

Patta nahi. Bohot si wajuhaat ho sakti hain.

Re: His sister

she doesnt like u....
tough like, now go find abother guy.... :p

Re: His sister

hmmmmm..are you serious?

It wasnt funny:(

Re: His sister

sister darling has an attitude problem...tell the bro about the way you were treated.

Re: His sister

there coould be various reasons,

she may have been nervous

she may have the kind of personality where she finds it difficult interacting with new people.

She may want to not get too friendly cos she doesnt know for sure that you will be part of her family

she may not want the people with her (the aunties) to know who you are or that she knows you and in what capacity

she may not want the "aunties" to know that her bro is have some sort of relationship (forgive me, I dont know what type of relationship you have -only what you have written in this thread) with this girl ie you.

She may think its strange that you are cavorting (i use that term loosely and without meaning to offend) with her brother and then you attend what appears (from what youve written) and islamic lecture /awareness teaching seminar.

or as Armughal so elequently put, she doesnt like you.

Re: His sister

wow thats weird.. bad vibes but no dont tell HIM this version.. ask him.. what did he think his sisters intentions were, ask him if he got a report from his sister on what she thought? God couldnt you have met at a coffee shop for an hour rather than all this 2 day religious function? thats weird.
Maybe she doesnt like you.. or not even anything personal.. maybe she doesnt like the fact her brother is covorting with you.. maybe the family have their eye on another girl? and ur in the way!

Re: His sister

As far as I know they dont have an eye on any other girl right now and she is happy that things are going well between me and him.

I also found it very strange to encounter her that way but she didnt come up with any suggestion and I didnt suggest anything either.

I dont want to tell him anything yet. Have been asking him about her reactions and he just said that she had a wonderful time with me and she found me to be fantastic..hmm...that just doesnt seems to be so when I think about her behaviour.

He hasnt had the chance to meet her and have a phone conversation yet (she is married and they dont live together)

He had meetings after work yesterday and she was tired after a long journey home and had to be with her child and husband.

Maybe I am just being over sensitive…..

Re: His sister

maybe its just her way.. sometimes when you expect something ( a welcome with open arms or her just being really pleased to see you) it doesnt work out and its upsetting..

just sit back and wait to see what happens..

her behaviour surely didnt sound normal.. maybe she was pissed with you coz you didnt make the first move?

Re: His sister

yeah maybe she was thinking that she came all the way to see me and I didnt go to her and asked her to come to that stall....

well, will wait and see what happens...

have had such a hard time in life untill now and since I met him I have been feeling something that I never felt before..some kind of peace of mind that I never had before..now I dont want his sister to come and ruin that peace of mind....

Re: His sister

i have to ask, why didn't u just go up to her and introduce urself? nothing wrong with that...don't think u would've seemed too eager or whatever...she could've taken it in the sense that u r showing her attitude or somethin...fine u know, she didn't come over herself...but why does it matter who goes to whom first? i fail to understand that...

so in my opinion, it wasn't just her who made the situation weird and uncomfortable...it takes 2 for everything...

Re: His sister

^ "cavorting"? ouch miss dazy!

Either way, whether she is going into their family or not, Chameli smsed the girl and she didnt reply immediately. She could have made nice and been polite and friendly instead of casting wierd looks. How old is she - 18?

On the other hand, she did spend some time with you - went for dinner etc. How much more time did you want her to spend? And yes, she did have every right to spend time with those aunties. Remember, she didnt come all the way especially to see you, or did she?

And I dont have a brother, but Ive seen my friends who have brothers and how extremely protective they can be. I had a friend who wouldnt speak to her brothers gfs if she didnt approve of them, and eventually shed stop speaking to the brother as well if she didnt like the girl.

I'd say, dont worry about it. You did your part, the rest is upto Allah. :)

Re: His sister

yeah, u went out with a guy, liked him, dated him and did God knows what…
very well done… :k:
God surely appreciates this effort of yours and wud reward u for it…

tawba karo larrki…

Re: His sister

Armughal, arent you being a little bit too judgemental? How do you know what chameli did or didnt do? Or did she share something with you that she didnt with us? Kuch Allah ka khauf karo bhai, logon par unglian uthanay say pehlay.....

Re: His sister

I use sms quite a bit and I know sometimes there can be a delay, esp between 2 different services.

Give her the benefit of the doubt. I wouldn't worry about it, she is probably reserving judgement until she knows you better. It is not like you are going to be a friend, you are entering her family. It seems as though she may have been as uncomfortable as you were. Give it time, I am sure it will smooth out.

Re: His sister

And who are you? God? Please refrain from passing judgments.

420, if you were seriously interested in the guy then you should have taken the first step. I don’t see why ego stopped you from taking the initiative. People learn this lesson the hard way.
You are a woman yourself, you should know better. The guy’s sis could be on an ego trip of her own.

Re: His sister

i agree with DM and Fayz...u should or could have made an effort to go up to her and make the first move. You were only going to say hello, whats wrong with that? shes a woman, not an evil man :p its easier approaching women than it is men.

but not to worry about would've, could've, should've now... just wait and hope for the best.

Re: His sister

armughal mullah..you need to learn some manners first before you give anyone any kinda advice

Re: His sister

hmm i understand chameli

but dont take it too seriously...as long as u guys were nice to each other when u spoke to each other its all good

dont make any extra assumptions etc, and take it easy

her bro likes u and thats all that matters

as long as u weren't rude with her and were sweet to her, u're fine and since she was sweet to u as well, i think its all good

Re: His sister

Chameli, sometimes people won't make the effort. It happens and my relationship with my brothers and sister in law aren't perfect. It doesn't mean that they don't like you but it also doesn't necessarily mean that after marriage, the relationship will become closer. You should make the extra effort though, the onus is on you. Since she's not in the country anymore, why don't you call and see how her flight back was and if she reached fine.

She has kids right? Why don't you ask about her kids. SOmetimes we, even me, tend to think that with marriage the other person should always make the effort since it's you who are new in the family but because of personality differences and so on, it doesn't always happen. Please don't think that she doesn't like you though, and even if she doesn't, it doesn't really matter as you should strive toward that. Good luck!

As for telling the guy, I don't see a reason to. He may side with either one of you and that never accomplished anything. I am sure he will be very pleased when he sees you making an extra effort with his sister.