Re: His Money / My Money
Yes?
Re: His Money / My Money
Gold was at 250 $/ounce circa 2002. Jumped to 1800 by 2010. Now ar 1175. Good time to buy would have been 2002.
Over last 200 years, gold has barely kept pace with inflation. And it offers no dividend income.
Anyway, your husband seems to want to spend money for.everyone even if not asked. Thar is not a responsible thing to do. I think spending 15 k for house renovation is foolish. Your inlaws have money. Your husband’s siblings can also pitch in. And what’s up with your husband pitching in fully for his brothers wedding.
.There is a limit to throwing money away. It is one thing to help family when they need it. It is another when you thrust money onto family.
Both of you need to grow up. And save for the future. Money doesn’t grow on trees.
While we are at it, the market is also looking quite expensive. Ask your husband to rebalance.
Re: His Money / My Money
Reminds me of when Yudhisthira wagered Draupadi without her consent. Draupadi rightfully questioned the enforcability of the wager.
Re: His Money / My Money
Based on your posts, you are reasonable. And not selfish.
Don’t let the Internet idealists convince you otherwise. If you are so easily convinced, that is a bigger issue. It is one thing to weigh all sides. Another to make a 180.
Life is not fantasy. It is real. And people have to make tough decisions. Stale and standard cliches about parents having brought us up etc are just that. Of course they did. And they shoukd wish their children the best. And not just take advantage of their generosity. Build your life. Live it. And make decisions as an adult. And not because someone in the Internet called you selfish.
25 years later, unless ur husband’s siblings r angels, all this generosity will be conveniently forgotten.
Re: His Money / My Money
Few thoughts:
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Given what you wrote above, I would strongly urge you to NOT try for a baby until things improve. A baby will only add stress to the relationship and if this is how you’re feeling now…I can’t even imagine how it will be while you’re dealing with pregnancy/recovering from delivery and dealing with a newborn. Not to mention a baby will also add to your expenses.
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How is your finances set up? As someone else mentioned, will your husband not agree to setting up a specific way to doing thing? For example, set up a savings account and jointly agree that BOTH of you will put a certain % or X amount of money in that account every paycheck. Even with this house situation…how much is HE contributing towards it? You keep saying that you are saving for the house…does HE want to buy a house too? A house generally increases expenses when it come to bills, decorating/furnishing, and general maintenance. Does he realize this?
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Is there an elder, family friend, one of his friends…ANYONE who can talk to him about this to knock some sense into him?
Re: His Money / My Money
I think a lot of people are getting derailed here. The initial thread was started by OP like 6 months ago which is when there was the issue of loaning money to parents. We need to focus on post 27](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=27) for the current discussion.
OP clearly stated she does not have a problem with her husband sending money to his parents regularly. The current issues are that he’s giving money to all cousins, brother’s wife, the wife’s sisters etc. And this is a young couple who haven’t bought a house and obviously have talked about starting a family…yet he’s making financial promises to people when he knows he does not have the money in his account.
I think beyond the actual money giving part…the #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) problem is that the husband is acting like he’s single. He is making major financial decisions without even discussing it with his wife or taking into account the needs of his own family (ie. his wife/future child). Again, the problem is not that he’s helping his parents…problem is that he’s giving money to EVERYONE. Once parents are taken care of…husband’s focus should be saving for his own family’s future, making sure he/his wife/future children will be ok if he loses his job, has a health crisis etc. Yet none of that seems to be his concern.
Re: His Money / My Money
^ thanks for ponting out OP was 1 year old. Hadn’t realized that.
Even without reading post 27, the signs were there that the husband loves to be danveer Karna at the expense of securing his own family’s financial future. Post 27 just confirmed what was quite clear.
The 1st two sentences of last para of above post are indeed the key.
Re: His Money / My Money
^ I just realized the post #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) was actually like 6 months ago but yea…agree with the rest.
Re: His Money / My Money
How would you reccommend I approach him about this? I’m no financial whiz myself, but my parents have always taught me the value of planning for the future. I do ok on my own, but we still haven’t figured out our finanaces as a couple. Do you have any specific advice?
Re: His Money / My Money
I understand where he is coming from and I see what you’re saying too. The problem is that I’ve never been the one to give extravagant gifts to people if I’m not close to them. But if we look at our resources as “our money”, I feel like I’m being unfair to my family/friends. His family and friends get all the expensive gadgets, but my friends only gets cheap souvenirs. This is frustrating, and whenever I bring it up, he gets all offended and says “I know what my family/friends like”…there’s got to be a limit and he is either unwilling or unable to acknowledge that
Re: His Money / My Money
I wish people would read the full backstory before jumping to conclusions…I’m not hoarding my money to spend on my own person. We are saving all of my salary so that it may be used when it’s time for us to buy a house. So the issue isn’t whether we should spend his money or my money; it’s more that he cares about his friends/extended family’s wishes/demands more than he does for our future. That is the root of the problem and reason for most of our fights.
Re: His Money / My Money
I uess the sarcasm wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was lol
And I have no ill feelings towards my in-laws. They are wonderful peopla nd have always been kind to me. I think they just exect a lot form myhusband. He’s the eldest, so they expect him to shoulder all his siblings’ responsibilities. To be perfectly clear, they are all well settled with good jobs, but his parents still expect him to do a lot for them all. My husband being the good son, does not want to disappoint so he does everything they ask and more. I don’t think they realize how much of a toll it sometimes takes on our finances and the hubby would never reveal it to them. It’s not my place to say anythihng of this to them because that would just create more tension that none of us need.
Re: His Money / My Money
See answers below.
Re: His Money / My Money
I have told him the same thing on more than one occassion…
Re: His Money / My Money
It is not your or your husband’s responsibility to pay for his friends and sliblings - FULLSTOP! I’ve known a few families where they assume one sibling is the cash cow who is expected to pay for everyone’s luxuries.
Supporting his parents is one thing, helping his siblings if they need assistance or if you have the extra income is another thing and blowing money on fancy and unnecessary gifts is a whole other issue.
For example, if it was a choice between your next fancy vacation or delaying your house purchase versus a siblings university courses, sure I’d encourage you to help support the siblings education. But if it’s a choice between saving for your home versus buying a Prada bag for his sister or making car payments for his brother or Ipads and Iphones for siblings, cousins, mohallay-waalay - no way should you be paying for that.
The occasional gift is one thing for siblings (and quite frankly, even friends and relatives shouldn’t be part of this gifting, unless its a milestone like marriage, etc.), but regular and unchecked extravagances that undermine your budget and future goals (home buying and family planning) makes no sense.
You need to do your part and cut down on the trips as well by being an example of financial prudence, but you also need to hold him to the same expectations. Create a gifting budget and tell him that’s all the money he has for the rest of the year to spend on gifts. He can blow it all at once or be sensible about it. And as for spending money on his parents - work that into the budget so that he sees that you recognize his duty to support his parents and that you support him in his responsibility.
Re: His Money / My Money
Respect your husband’s decision. Value his wisdom and kindness towards his parents. I bet he’s going to be great father if not yet.
2-3 months are you kidding? Let it go, just imagine how much respect and love that act will create in your in laws hearts for you.
You women are so selfish!
Re: His Money / My Money
Saying no to them was never even in question…my initial question had to do with my resentful feelings. I can control my actions, but I can’t help how I feel.
Re: His Money / My Money
You can totally help how you feel if you’re a sane human being. The trick is a broader overlook at things from all the possible perspectives and ultimately the realization of how beautiful and important every human relationship is and what’s their value on individual and collective basis.
Try living for others considering them as much important as you think of your own self. Hard to do but the happiness and joy you get in return is tremendous. Don’t let tiny little distractions lead you to inner darkness.
God I really use big words easily 
Try that and you’ll find yourself more in control of your own self.