That's what even he himself says that his mother is too stubborn.He has been trying to make his mom agreed for the last two years,and as far as i know,they have been having fights with each other because of this,and I believe,that's what forced his mom to give a call at my home.
The mother herself had a love marriage which lasted for around 2 years only,so she doesn't want her son to go through the same.That's why she wants to find him someone by herself.
No,that's not true!He is not a mama's boy.
No,the feelings have been mutual from both sides,and Iam not pushy at all.
He's not a player.I know he seriously wants to get married to me.
If this has been two years, the chances for him getting anywhere are less but not impossible.
Tell him you do not feel comfortable with this situation and going in to a hostile environment will not be good for anyone.
Just be ready to go through the hardship if he comes back to you without success and still wants you.
Have some distance from him for a while if at all possible. Clarify to him that you are doing it for his sake. Find some good activities for relaxation.
So, according to you people, I shouldn't really leave him, and still hang on?
Eventually the decision is yours, but if you have,
no better alternative and have some hope with strong feelings,
then yes.
Just be strong and don't lose yourself for this matter.
Please remember: Aur Bhi Gham Hain Zamaane Mein Muhabbat ke Siva!
(There are other things also in this world to worry about than love)
Good Luck!
Girlie, you never mentioned before that his mom had a failed love marriage. This is your SECOND thread on this SAME issue. Please......if you want to be given thorough advice.....then you NEED to provide all the details of a situation.
Now that we know she had a failed love marriage.......we can understand the psychology behind her decision. I'm assuming that she feels that love marriages are not successful based on her own experience. Maybe she had to go against her own family to marry her husband (your BF's father). Maybe her family or even her husband's family made her feel bad or guilty about the marriage. I've heard desi parents say things like "Love marriages have no respect. They're not decent. Love marriages are shameful and they will never be successful."
Had his mom's own marriage worked, she wouldn't be so against the relationships. But since it failed......maybe she was reminded of all that she was warned about from family members. OR it could be that her own family was very supportive of the marriage.......but it just all seemed like a disillusionment in the end.
I think that your boyfriend needs to gently explain to your mom that there is no guarantee that a love marriage or arranged marriage will be successful. The success of a marriage will depend upon the efforts of the couple to make it work. He needs to discuss this maturely and intelligently. He needs to tell his mom that:
"More than two years have gone by and I'm still interested in the same girl. If this was just a time/pass issue for me, I would have gotten over it a long time ago. Even if I listen to you and marry the girl of your choice............would that result in a happy marriage when I'll have no interest in her? Is it fair of me to ruin that girl's life and to ruin mine as well? In your efforts to protect me from a love marriage, are you willing to risk the life of someone else's daughter? How is that fair to her and her parents? Are there not any failed arranged marriages in the world? Are there absolutely no successful love marriages here? Just because somebody endured a tragic ending....doesn't mean that everyone else will have the same fate. If one thing doesn't work for someone....doesn't mean it won't work for everyone. Marriage is a gamble, no matter what kind it is. And it's an EVEN GREATER GAMBLE when the feelings are not mutual."
Leave him and if he wants you, he will fight for you and get his mum round to accepting it, if not then, leave it and im sure there is some one out there that will appreciate you more then his mum, life is too short to wait around forever for people to accept you.
^ Also, Girlie...............I've looked at your former thread from November of last year.
EVEN IN THAT THREAD..................you keep asking the same question, *"So do you guys think I should hang on to him?" "So you guys don't think I should leave him and you should hang on?
*
We can't tell you how to run your life. There are some decisions that you should be able to make BY YOURSELF because you know yourself and your needs better than we do. We don't know you well enough to decide your path in life for you. And I don't think anyone would want such a heavy responsibility. So, to help decide if you should "hang on" or "move on", you need to ask yourself some questions:
1) Are you still in sincerely in love with your boyfriend? Or do you feel that you HAVE to "hang on" because you've spend so much time on him and so much of a hassle has taken place??? If you feel that you are exhausted and that you don't have the same feelings for him anymore.........and if you no longer have that same interest in him...........and if you're looking for change..........then maybe you should consider moving on as an option.
2) Running away to get married should not be an option. Running away is something that will not harm your boyfriend's reputation because he's a guy. But it will certainly destroy your reputation and the reputation of your family. A guy who is mature.......will think about how his actions are also going to affect YOUR life. It may sound "romantic" but it carries with it dire consequences. If he's contemplating running away........then he's got growing up to do. Perhaps his approach with his mom is not the best/most mature.
3) Is there a way for your parents to perhaps invite your boyfriend and his mother over for lunch or dinner? Not for rishta purposes.......just even to get to know each other. The two families can talk..........interact with one another..............and that will give your and your parents a chance to observe aunti's body language and her demeanor.........it'll give you an idea of whether or not you'd even want to marry into that family. This may put things in perspective for you. For example, let's say that his mom behaves rudely with you and your parents. And then you talk to your BF about her behavior......and he gets upset and is non-supportive. Even something like that can help shape your decision. Talk to your parents to see if they can at least arrange for that. Somebody needs to reach out and start making things happen.
4) Is your boyfriend the one and only son in his family? If so, will you be living with his mom in the event that you get married? That's something that you will also need to consider. Are you okay with this living arrangement? We don't know the details of the separation between his mom and his father. But let's say that the marriage dissolved because the mom was difficult to live with (Yes, I know that it can be the dad's fault as well)..............then that could mean she's a challenging person to live with. This is just a possibility not a definite reason. But.........interacting with his mom will give you a better idea.
*5) * Sit down and make a list of all the positive and negative points. Think about your goals? Ask yourself if you really want him or do you want a different life for yourself? Ask yourself if you want to get married soon or if you want to get married later? Ask yourself if you want to study or work? Think about all these things and you'll get a better idea if you want "HANG ON" or MOVE ON.
My intention is not to offend you here, Girlie. But Aishaa2.1 is right. It may not sound all warm and fuzzy and sweet…but she’s right.
Many people want advice that they WANT to hear…and that will sound good to them. We have had posters on GS…who were in destructive situations…and majority of us have advised them to get out of the situation. But they wouldn’t listen to us. They choose to listen only to people who tell them exactly what their heart wants to hear.
As I’ve said before, we can all tell you “Please, Girlie, don’t leave the love of your life. He is definitely the man for you. He’s the best person to live your life with. He’s wonderful, he’s the next Romeo and Prince Charming. IF you move on from him…you will never find a guy like him.”
^But YOU have to decide for YOURSELF what path you want to take in life because you know YOURSELF better than we do. You know YOUR BF better than we do. Just think about everything, create a deadline for your boyfriend. Give him a time frame to make a decision. And invite his mom over to learn more about her. And pray Istikhara and ask Allah for guidance. There’s not much else that can be said about the situation.
No hun, no one is saying *leave him *were saying if he can really fight for you, and you both love each other, then stay with him. But if you wait n wait n wait and you know you wont get married to him, its gonna ruin your life.
Is there a chance you cud possibly speak to his mum? When i was having doubts that my bfs mum liked me he let me speak to her, and we get on like a house on fire now.
Also is there *any *other reason that she doesnt like you? That cud probly make our minds up theres no point telling us half a story. If thats the only reason that she wanted to pick his wife. Then stay with him if hes fighting for you.
If theres more to it than that reason, Please share and we can advice you accordingly.