Him or Family???

I am an Indian and He is a Pakistani. We became friends on FB thru a community and then we thot we cld be more.
After six months of out virtual yet very strong relationship, and after lot it pressure from family to get married, i told my mom and sis abt him.
Intially they were like ok…lets see…but then things got ugly and they forced me to quit.
Major reasons for my family to reject him thn was

  1. He is a Pakistani & we’ve had a bad experience in our family (my mom’s cousin was married there and didnt have a good marriage, was ill treated and thn had psycological issues …and a bad ending) & then the VISA issues. They said tht had he been settled abroad, they might have considered.
  2. he doesnt have his OWN house/ flat and lived in a rented flat then.
  3. he is the only one supporting his family ( mom & young brother who is still studying), so my family feels he’s not financially sound. On the other hand, even i belong to a fairly middle class family and have worked very hard to be what i am today, so my mom didnt wanted me to go thru all the financial problems again.
    also since we had not met then, and he couldnt come to India, there was no way to convince my family then. so we broke up.

I cldnt get him out of my mind all these months. Got many proposals, but nothing worked out. Besides after seeing pics/ discussing abt any other guy, made me feel horrible and guilty. I was still in love with him.

Anyways, during this time he had moved to a different country - Africa (thanks to FB again for tht update)… but this time he was at a better position…a Manager in Bank!

I too have moved to UAE few months back… I heard abt the news of blasts in Karachi (somewhere near the area he used to live) and i ended up sending him a txt…asking him…if all is ok… (i knw he wasn’t there…but his mom and bro were still there)

and we were back again!!!.. he had moved to a different country…earning well… and financially stable…with a huge house provided by his bank

also this time we made sure we r well prepared to face my family …so they dont have a reason not to consider him…

He also made sure…we meet…and he spent good amt of his savings and came all the way to UAE to meet me!! :slight_smile:

His family is also moved with him to Africa and all settled there, with a huge house by his bank and good salary.

But the issue of having his own property!! :frowning:

anyways…i tried convincing my family again during my trip to India…but the reasons remain same and their decisions remains unchanged!!!

i dont knw how to convince them!!! :frowning:

and i dont want to lose him either!!!

wat shld i do!!! :cry:

(p.s. he moved his family to africa for 2 reasons 1 -he felt it wasn’t safe for thm to leave there alone & 2 - ME ..so we cld convince my family)

{sorry for the long post…but this is how my life has become…TANGLED!!!}

Re: Him or Family???

Do your best and even then if you don't get him, leave it as part of life.

At least this way you will have no regrets that you didn't try hard enough.

Re: Him or Family???

Progress to an in person relationship. Either move to where he is or have him transfer to the UAE and see how it would work.

Re: Him or Family???

hmmm......yes i do agree....but how??? they are not even ready to spk to him or meet him (on skype obv) i tried convincing them but failed!!! they agreed initially....made him wait for 3 long hrs and thn refused to even spk to him :(

Re: Him or Family???

yes...he is ready to move to UAE...but thn he cannot leave his family behind....plus we both are bound with contracts professionally...so neither of us can risk our jobs...he can only move next yr...which means waiting one long year :( .... although tht isnt an issue for me....but thn....we both are in our late 20's...waiting so much only means....reaching 30's and still being unmarried....i dont have a problem with tht either....but my family surely does!

Re: Him or Family???

Inb4 “his family’s been there with him for put age here years and you’ve been with him for only put time here” comments.
Waise what is his family’s perspective on all this? :hmmm:

Re: Him or Family???

he moved to africa last yr in sept…and his family has moved there this yr in april…

we met in spet 2011…seperated in Feb 2012…and back in march 2013…

His mom is cool with everything…he’s also made me spk to her on several occasions…and she sounded very sweet and spoke to me well…

also…jst to give a background on wat happened last time when i broke off with him…things turned ugly and his mamu and my mamu had a verbal fight…also my mamu gave him few dhamki’s and it was a very bad scene!!!..

even after tht his mom hasnt been rude to me over the phone and speaks very sweetly..and sounds concerned abt me…

his brother is jst 14…and is very cute…have spoken and met him on skype a few times…and very sweetly he keeps calling me aapa :slight_smile:

You have not met him even once, and ready to make such a big change and go against your family wishes?

This is not Romeo and Juliet my dear, this is real life. I would say don't be foolish, listen to your family, and move on.

Re: Him or Family???

what do you do? what are your chances of finding work where he is?

Re: Him or Family???

TLK…please read…we have met…altough not spent long time together…but a couple of days…

and m in no way going against my family…i dnt have the courage to do so…but i jst dnt knw how to convince them!!!:confused:

Re: Him or Family???

hmm.....chances are OK...but due to several other personal reasons, i cannot leave my current job!

Re: Him or Family???

Family looks good.
@TLK:
[QUOTE]
He also made sure...we meet...and he spent good amt of his savings and came all the way to UAE to meet me!!
[/QUOTE]

How about his family? Are they ok with this?

Re: Him or Family???


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Re: Him or Family???

Family, my 2 cents !!

Family kee suno khush raho gee !!

Re: Him or Family???

hmm....even i thot abt it.....but if a man has left his country.....moved his family with him to another country...took pains to come and meet me in some other country.....do u really think i wuld be happy leaving him!!!...... i wuld jst spend my whole life living with a guilt.......for thrashing away all his efforts :(

Re: Him or Family???

vut is your other option, pal? lets hear your plan.

Re: Him or Family???

No by no means am I saying to discount his feelings and effort, but in my experience if the family is not happy with the decision you are looking at a life long panga, I would take a temporary heartache then suffer a life long headache.

No matter what ppl say, Family trumps luv shuv any day.

Jo kaam karo maa baap kee khushi aur duaon sey karo to khush raho gee, apnee khushi key liye karogey to waqti khushi to mil jaayegee lekin hamesha nahi !!

Re: Him or Family???

:'( even he keeps saying tht........... and thn he tells me ..i wuld leave him again :(

God!!!..........y can't my family see his efforts!!!...... jst me being an Indian and he being a Pakistani means we cannot be together! wat logic is tht!.......

and ya......my sis has also had a love marriage.....i dnt say we all supported her easily.....but after all those yrs of her relationship...we did support thm for their marriage...even tho my jiju's parents were not supportive!!!....

then wat is the problem with my case????.........they dont even want to consider!!! ............ annoyed & exasperated & unhappy

Re: Him or Family???

my PLAN!!!....... m scared to make plans now.....b/c watever i (we) plan......it jst fails!!!.....i dnt knw wat more do we do to convince my ppl!