Ouch, this is a tough situation, women are supposed to guard their virginity and keep themselves only for their husbands. Woman's "Zehvar" is her virginity and her piety. If she loses that then what kinda woman is she? Not a very pious one. I feel sorry for the dude who has to sleep with a woman knowing that another man touched her.
Women will never be able to understand this concept. It shatters a man's heart knowing that another man touched her. Hang in there bro there is no backing off now, just think that its Allah's test on you and that you have to take responsibility. Man up and live your life, may Allah guide you to peace.
Not every man needs to marry a virgin so there’s no need to ‘feel sorry’ for them all
Not every man (or woman’s) priority is marrying a virgin.. and not sure what the point in being religious is if you lack basic kindness and compassion..
If virginity was such an issue for him he should have had made sure that his future wife was a virgin. Relied too much on the nikkah nama, which is void is it not since the basis of that contract is false. Just a google of the nikkah nama shows a clause that asks virginity status of the bride
(https://sites.google.com/site/islamabadtranslationbureau/english-nikah-nama-may-format-eng). You lie=contract void so based on that premise he has every right to leave the relationship.
Its nice, albeit stupid that she came clean but that does not nullify her deceit. Confessing to a crime doesn’t obliterate a sentence so why is she expecting forgiveness? Especially if the rishta was arranged. We can’t say why she came clean but she should have known that doing so, and actually having premarital sex would have consequences. This ***expectation ***is what really bothers me. Also, why does her betrayal have anything to do with it. She still had premarital sex did she not? The fact that she thought it was somehow someone elses fault for her actions just makes her sound unintelligent. What betrayal? He promised her that if they had sex he would marry her and then backed out? They were in a serious relationship and he cheated? Doesn’t matter. She was stupid to be so trusting in a tenuous relationship.
So it is enough of a deal to this man that his wife was not a virgin. Fair enough. If a man can hold out, it is reasonable to expect a spouse who would have done the same. Leaving religion aside, if this deal means he cant treat his wife like a wife, why bother having one. Either truly try forgiving your wife and treat her like your spouse, or let go. Why be in a sucky relationship. unless you want her grovelling for the rest of her life, in which case your friend would be wrong.
Can he end the relationship? sure. Should he? only if doing so would prevent the situation from worsening ie abuse, neglect etc. This colleague needs to stop being so confused. Try living as a couple for a couple months. If he still cant treat her like his wife, then the marriage is over and they should stop living a lie. Wait it out until he is not so confused. Only time will reveal the real dynamics of the relationship.
*This girl is the same age as me and most young women and men are presented with the opportunity for premarital sex. Having been in a similar situation myself this girl is totally in the wrong and used terrible judgment.
Okay seriously? I am baffled by the extremely inflexible views people have on this matter. As the bible says "Judge not lest ye be judged". If you wish to marry a virgin good for you. If you don't care. Good for you. There is no right or wrong answer. Its a personal opinion. If you seek to judge the woman as being immoral accept that people will judge you in return. Nobody is immune from being judged as a crazy liberal with no religious value or a crazy fundementalist with no notion of reality.
The decision depends on each individual person and that is their choice. Now frankly quit acting like aunties and let the subject matter die already.
A work colleague of mine is going through a seriously complicated relationship issue.He had nikah done almost a month ago, he is 24 and she is 21 both are young and the guy is nice and naive.He calls me bara bhai and respects me immensely.Now, he is really depressed due to a sad reality which his wife revealed to him about her past.She happen to be a non-virgin for which she expects him to forgive and forget.He has never been into any kind of a relationship, he thinks he can forgive and move on but cannot forget.There rishtha was fully arranged and she is from his family.She was betrayed & thinks he should consider and give priority to her honesty.He thinks he can never give hera respect which a wife deserves and there bond would only have sympathy rather than love.
Please share your thoughts, give me some valid points and what should I suggest him.I am zilch regarding relationship advice and he is asking me to help.
And serious replies please!!
The girl should have told this to him before the marriage, how long are they married? In any case I think the guy should forgive and move on, hopefully Allah will forgive his shortcomings.
Relax..She is just giving her opinion, one should have enough tolerance to at least listen to what others thinks.No body is imposing anything, its a public forum so realx.
Good points Stark.I never knew thereis a clause that asks virginity status of the bride in the nikkah nama, very informative.
1) Forgive her for the sake of Allah swt and PERIOD!!
2) In your friend's case,Revenge is sweet, painful and I strongly belief it must be carried out so intensely that the person been revenged should start to hate himself, should panic whenever he hears your name.I dont encourage physical abuse but soemthing like this:
JOHN SLAPS ALLAN.
NOW ALLAN SHOULD NOT SLAP BACK TO JOHN BUT TO JOHNS DAD, that is revenge to me.
Just be very polite, courtious to her, let her trust you and thn slowly, steadily start shattering her dreams, let her pay the price, let her know what's the cost of being un-sealed.Use her sexually as much you can and dont forget to taunt her oftenly how you always wanted to marry a virgin.Play with her emotions indirectly, for instance: If she wants to give you a greeting card, suna her that its my first time, really means alot but it really would not be important to you since tum tu yeh sub kuch previously b ker chuki hogi.
After transforming her from "USED TISSUE PAPAR" to "USED CONDOM" you may divorce her.
Remember, dont be afriad, its a man's world, be a man, dont let her spoil your life.Dont feel insecure about anyhting.Enjoy your life.
If you decide to take revenge thn forget about haram, halal, everything is fair.Play your game hard jo hoga dekhi jahay gyee.
