you know what? i think he should forgive her and respect her honesty. she didn’t confess to being a hooker, a drug dealer or having an abortion with her ex. she confessed to a mistake she made in life. people are allowed mistakes and if Allah swt can forgive…who and what on earth is a mere mortal?
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If you think that he should forgive her and move on… then more power to you… the point I’m trying to make here is that he himself didn’t make such a mistake and he has the RIGHT to judge the situation from that perspective… he may chose to stay or not to stay… That is his choice, that is his personal choice… I have to respect that… I gave my opinion to the situation…*
people go through some really bad stages in life. they lose their jobs, get sick, accidents, can’t have kids, whatever. do you suggest extending the nikah-nama to cover all of these instances as well?
From what I see and feel, marriage is a life-long commitment and I believe that all such commitments whether marital, business or others should start on the basis of honesty, truthfulness and the people involved in the contract should judge each other well and clear any kind of misconceptions and assumptions before getting themselves involved in such commitments… This happens many times, I’ve seen this myself, people lie about their medical situations, careers, beliefs and what not… and I don’t know about you but if they hide such things from me just because they fear that I would break the commitment on these basis then they don’t deserve to enter in such a commitment with me in the first place…
“in the event my wife is not a virgin, gets diabetes, loses a limb or ends up unemployed…i am allowed to divorce her and she owes me all the money i spent on her to that date.”
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I don’t understand that how all these situations have anything to do with the discussion here… you are being harsh here, why would I make such conditions in the contract, these things can happen to me aswell… people get sick, lose jobs, lose limbs, they die… that is the nature of life…the problem here is that she hid her secrets from her spouse before entering the marriage… people should clarify such situations before getting themselves involved in such commitments, other people enter the contract with their assumptions and trust, both parties should clarify such assumptions they make prior to entering in such a life-long commitment… people reject their perspective spouses on the basis of genetics and medical diseases running through their families… would you judge such people on the same basis if they chose to hide such things from you?*
hm
yes, she should have been honest since the get-go. but don’t you think she stopped a hundred times before telling him this? knowing he will never look at her the same way again? as for finding out through someone else…how often do you think that actually happens? she won’t be walking around with a sign on her forehead saying “look here, non-virgin”. no man will risk his own marriage (or neck for that matter) by pointing fingers at another man’s wife. if she didn’t want to tell him, chances are…he’d never have known. she told him…its a sign of shame, guilt, a conscience that still works.
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**As I have stated earlier if she thinks that her marriage might get in danger because of this then she shouldn’t have entered this marriage in the first place without clarifying her situation to him and making sure that he accepts her circumstances before taking her as his wife…
As for if she chose to hid such things and he is never able to find out in his life… that is equally disgusting of her on her part… that is what I think…***
Piety is NOT limited to virginity people. Its just one aspect of it. Being a virgin doesn’t make one religious…goodness. If this man is truly as pious and devout of a Muslim he considers himself to be…he will understand its not his place to judge her. He will leave that to her Creator and find it in his heart to forgive because that is the right thing to do.
I am not a devout and pious Muslim, I am an agnostic but I completely agree with you on this regard… being a virgin will neither guarantee that the spouse will not lie, cheat on the other later in their married life… nor it will guarantee anything about myself as well…