Help.

[stark]

Re: Help.

@LHR1

Hey

A work colleague of mine is going through a seriously complicated relationship issue.He had nikah done almost a month ago, he is 24 and she is 21 both are young and the guy is nice and naive.He calls me bara bhai and respects me immensely.Now, he is really depressed due to a sad reality which his wife revealed to him about her past.She happen to be a non-virgin for which she expects him to forgive and forget.He has never been into any kind of a relationship, he thinks he can forgive and move on but cannot forget.There rishtha was fully arranged and she is from his family.She was betrayed & thinks he should consider and give priority to her honesty.He thinks he can never give hera respect which a wife deserves and there bond would only have sympathy rather than love.

Please share your thoughts, give me some valid points and what should I suggest him.I am zilch regarding relationship advice and he is asking me to help.

And serious replies please!!

1. If virginity was such an issue for him he should have had made sure that his future wife was a virgin. Relied too much on the nikkah nama, which is void is it not since the basis of that contract is false. Just a google of the nikkah nama shows a clause that asks virginity status of the bride
   (https://sites.google.com/site/islamabadtranslationbureau/english-nikah-nama-may-format-eng). You lie=contract void so based on that premise he has every right to leave the relationship.
2. Its nice, albeit stupid that she came clean but that does not nullify her deceit. Confessing to a crime doesn’t obliterate a sentence so why is she expecting forgiveness? Especially if the rishta was arranged. We can’t say why she came clean but she should have known that doing so, and actually having premarital sex would have consequences. This ***expectation ***is what really bothers me. Also, why does her betrayal have anything to do with it. She still had premarital sex did she not? The fact that she thought it was somehow someone elses fault for her actions just makes her sound unintelligent. What betrayal? He promised her that if they had sex he would marry her and then backed out? They were in a serious relationship and he cheated? Doesn’t matter. She was stupid to be so trusting in a tenuous relationship.
3. So it is enough of a deal to this man that his wife was not a virgin. Fair enough. If a man can hold out, it is reasonable to expect a spouse who would have done the same. Leaving religion aside, if this deal means he cant treat his wife like a wife, why bother having one. Either truly try forgiving your wife and treat her like your spouse, or let go. Why be in a sucky relationship. unless you want her grovelling for the rest of her life, in which case your friend would be wrong.

Can he end the relationship? sure. Should he? only if doing so would prevent the situation from worsening ie abuse, neglect etc. This colleague needs to stop being so confused. Try living as a couple for a couple months. If he still cant treat her like his wife, then the marriage is over and they should stop living a lie. Wait it out until he is not so confused. Only time will reveal the real dynamics of the relationship.

*This girl is the same age as me and most young women and men are presented with the opportunity for premarital sex. Having been in a similar situation myself this girl is totally in the wrong and used terrible judgment.