Help with MIL and SIL

Reha · March 20, 2014, 12:36am

Re: Help with MIL and SIL

I don’t get how you can make comments like that. In my opinion it goes against the basic ethos of Islam itself. I mean, Islam places so much emphasis on the importance of marriage and a family unit. I completely disagree that you don’t need marriage to complete you - you DO! I’m not saying a woman can’t get a job, raise kids on her own, look after her family etc - but why does she have to do all that if Allah has assigned roles to both sexes to make our lives harmonious and so that we can support each other in what we each do?

Yes, if one is forced to, then one CAN live independently, and it’s NOT the end of the world to be doing so. But to belittle the importance and sanctity of marriage as if it’s a custom rather than a crucial rite of passage in our religion is kind of dismissive don’t you think?

And regarding your point that we are born complete: doesn’t Allah say in the Quran that everything has been created in pairs?

I can say it because I lived it and its true. Life goes on and on and on. Until you meet the person who Allah swt meant for you to be with (IF indeed you were meant to have a partner in this life), life should NEVER be lived in wait or expectation to meet that guy. Its not beneficial nor productive.

Marriage is SUNNAH for a reason and its not fardh…its recommended but not mandated and there are reasons for that…Allah swt does NOT expect all of us to marry and live conventional lives. Not everyone will fall into the equation of marriage at 22, kids at 23, etc etc etc.

I don’t dismiss marriage…I make it a realistic and not a holy rite of passage into adulthood or mandatory to live a happy life. Reality is that marriage is great but its NOT a command. A command is where I could see your points making sense but its not.

One things I’ve noticed is that married people usually know more married people than unmarried. They prefer to make friends with families like themselves and that’s great.

But there IS a world out there FULL of people who are not married, don’t have kids, divorced with kids and without kids, widowed, etc. Some of them might marry, some might never marry. It is almost…ignorant and cruel to ignore this glaringly real group of people. To pretend as if they don’t exist without the partnership of a man.

This pressure of us HAVING to be married in order to go through this holy rite of passage puts a lot of negativity in us girls. Until we find a suitable match, we’re not exactly sought after company you know. I know this because I’ve lived it, seen it and if I hadn’t found the right person I probably would not have gotten married again at all. I didn’t feel any need for it. Before my first marriage, I hardly knew a single person who had gotten divorced. But afterwards, its like a dam opened up and they’re everywhere…just silent and hoping no one notices them. Why though? Why the hesitance and embarrassment that you’re not married? What is there to be ashamed about? Society’s expectations? I make up society and I say marriage is not a mandate so it should not be shown as such.

I don’t know ANY woman who wants to work herself to the bone to feed her kids but REALITY is that many women have to…to make them feel as if they’re just doing it to prove a point at the expense of their families is…well…never mind.

Also, by saying these things, I don’t rebel against Islam…I have actually found SO much peace, strength, comfort and love in it that I stopped feeling like I had to go somewhere else. Life becomes much better once you stop relying on things, people and stuff to make you happy. I support our religion and what it has to offer us…ALL of us…not just the married ones.