Hi, I really need your help guys for my own sanity.little background before my problem
My parents and inlaws don’t talk after they had a huge fight. My parents don’t come to my inlaws house. I live with my inlaws. My husband is mamas boy he doesn’t come to visit my parents after the fight and I have never asked him either. My parents live 20 minutes drive away.
Now the problems
My mil needs to question everything I do even if it’s picking a glass she has to tell me to use both hands and no I am not joking here she can and she will find a fault in everything I do all day long and it gets me down so much I choose to ignore it as much as I can as I don’t like confrontation and arguments but it gets so annoying from morning till night I am only human.
She has told me to only visits parents when all the housework is complete I do that before I leave but when I am back she counts how many hours it’s been and how my sil who lives in her own house but visits everyday and is here all weekend gets angry because I am not here when she comes and her reason is that she couldn’t see my kids.
It’s all these snidy and lame remarks that getting me down talking or explaining to my husband is useless because for him it’s not serious so tell me guys am I over reacting I can’t tell this to my parents because I don’t want them to fight again they dnt want any thing to do with my inlaws and I feel like I am living in two different worlds I am so tired.
OP how often do you visit your parents. If it is a daily thing, maybe change it to weekend thing only. My advice would be to ignore your MIL and SIL's comments and enjoy your time with your parents. They will continue to make these comments, but you make it a habit to ignore. Eventually, and hopefully you will get over it. Also you have to remember at least they aren't stopping you from visiting your parents. Your husband isn't either. So that’s a good thing.
About her picking on everything, that’s just how some mothers are. My MIL doesn't pick on any of my bad habits, BUT my own mother picks on everything....just ignore.
OP how often do you visit your parents. If it is a daily thing, maybe change it to weekend thing only. My advice would be to ignore your MIL and SIL's comments and enjoy your time with your parents. They will continue to make these comments, but you make it a habit to ignore. Eventually, and hopefully you will get over it. Also you have to remember at least they aren't stopping you from visiting your parents. Your husband isn't either. So that’s a good thing.
About her picking on everything, that’s just how some mothers are. My MIL doesn't pick on any of my bad habits, BUT my own mother picks on everything....just ignore.
just wondering how long it takes for a person who ignores all the taunts and hurtful trash, puts seal on lips, to recover from the mental damage done to himher during that course. Just wondering. Some questions arent important enough.
^not ur situation i talkd about. Your or any1elses mom doing that is diff from the op kind of situation, unless things are taken to extreme by a real parent or close relative too
OP how often do you visit your parents. If it is a daily thing, maybe change it to weekend thing only. My advice would be to ignore your MIL and SIL's comments and enjoy your time with your parents. They will continue to make these comments, but you make it a habit to ignore. Eventually, and hopefully you will get over it. Also you have to remember at least they aren't stopping you from visiting your parents. Your husband isn't either. So that’s a good thing.
About her picking on everything, that’s just how some mothers are. My MIL doesn't pick on any of my bad habits, BUT my own mother picks on everything....just ignore.
There are a lot of things wrong with your post.
She can visit her parents daily if she wants to, provided it's her parents' house.
She can't make it a habit to ignore their comments. Horrible advice. She needs to tell them to stop! People will walk all over you if you let them.
Her in-laws have NO right to stop her from visiting her parents. The fact that they don't is not something to be thankful for. It's her right!
^ She can do all the above that you mentioned, but since her husband doesn't see it as a big issue (mentioned by OP), he won't support her arguing with them either. And then what??? fight with the husband too, go move in with her parents...and thn divorce...over what??? over - MIL said you don't spent time with the nand, or the SIL doesn't get to see the children.
Her inlaws dont have rights over her, but her husband does....and since he isn't visiting them either, the situation can easily change for the worse.
You have to make things work, and make them stronger, not break them.
If the husband agreed with her, and supported her in this issue...she could at that time speak up.
^ She can do all the above that you mentioned, but since her husband doesn't see it as a big issue (mentioned by OP), he won't support her arguing with them either. And then what??? fight with the husband too, go move in with her parents...and thn divorce...over what??? over - MIL said you don't spent time with the nand, or the SIL doesn't get to see the children.
Then why be with the person who would hand you divorce papers over something as silly as this?! Are you worth nothing?
Sometimes what's right and wrong is as clear as the day and night.
[QUOTE]
Her inlaws dont have rights over her, but her husband does....and since he isn't visiting them either, the situation can easily change for the worse.
You have to make things work, and make them stronger, not break them.
If the husband agreed with her, and supported her in this issue...she could at that time speak up.
[/QUOTE]
Depends what your definition of "stronger" is. Does accepting things the way they are make one stronger or does putting a stop to it make one stronger? This is why no one should depend on anyone! You don't get married to tolerate your spouse or to be bossed around.
What kind of life would it be if you had to live it according to someone else's wishes and rules?
But in husband's mind the MIL and SIL's comments are "silly things, and not serious." So why fight over a silly thing, if you can ignore it.
OP will have to see what makes her happy, and what type of marriage she wants to be in. If making her husband happy by ignoring these things, and moving onwards is what she want, thn she should ignore the comments. BUT if she wants to shut her MIL and SIL up, and putting a stop to the comments, might cause fights with hubby (because he DOESN"T thinks this is serious,) thn she should stand up for herself.
Ignoring bs, and staying slient doesn't make you a weak person.
They fighted over something my mil said straight after my delivery I was out of it so don't remember much it started with a silly comment and got out of hand. I don't work as my baby is quite young.
just wondering how long it takes for a person who ignores all the taunts and hurtful trash, puts seal on lips, to recover from the mental damage done to himher during
that course. Just wondering. Some questions arent important enough.
it makes you insane you question everything you do and you are never happy.
They fighted over something my mil said straight after my delivery I was out of it so don't remember much it started with a silly comment and got out of hand. I don't work as my baby is quite young.
Has your MIL's behavior always been like this or did she get bitter after the fight? Do you think the comment was silly? Do you mind sharing what the comment was?
She can visit her parents daily if she wants to, provided it's her parents' house.
She can't make it a habit to ignore their comments. Horrible advice. She needs to tell them to stop! People will walk all over you if you let them.
Her in-laws have NO right to stop her from visiting her parents. The fact that they don't is not something to be thankful for. It's her right!
I agree with 1 and 3, but not 2. From personal experience, speaking up with in-laws like these doesn't make the blindest bit of difference. It really doesn't. You can try logic, reason, or go down the Islamic route and bring out hadith after hadith and Quranic quote. They won't care. If they want to walk all over you - THEY WILL.
And OP has mentioned that husband is a mama's boy, so it makes it even more difficult.
I have to agree with rabia on this; best thing is to just to learn to ignore them. Play them at their own game: be sweet to them, look after them.... but ultimately if you want to go and visit your parents - you do it. If you are meethi meethi upar se, they won't have anything against you. I'm sorry but it's just how the game works.
Hi, I really need your help guys for my own sanity.little background before my problem
My parents and inlaws don't talk after they had a huge fight. My parents don't come to my inlaws house. I live with my inlaws. My husband is mamas boy he doesn't come to visit my parents after the fight and I have never asked him either. My parents live 20 minutes drive away.
Now the problems
My mil needs to question everything I do even if it's picking a glass she has to tell me to use both hands and no I am not joking here she can and she will find a fault in everything I do all day long and it gets me down so much I choose to ignore it as much as I can as I don't like confrontation and arguments but it gets so annoying from morning till night I am only human.
She has told me to only visits parents when all the housework is complete I do that before I leave but when I am back she counts how many hours it's been and how my sil who lives in her own house but visits everyday and is here all weekend gets angry because I am not here when she comes and her reason is that she couldn't see my kids.
It's all these snidy and lame remarks that getting me down talking or explaining to my husband is useless because for him it's not serious so tell me guys am I over reacting I can't tell this to my parents because I don't want them to fight again they dnt want any thing to do with my inlaws and I feel like I am living in two different worlds I am so tired.
who is she to boss you around? this is why its a terrible idea to live under your inlaws roof. im sorry you have to put up with such a horrible woman. you are not her slave to do all her housework for her. tell your husband he needs to find a separate housing.
if you don't listen to her and do what you want, whats the worst thing she can do? if you stay too long at your parents, what is she really gonna do other than complain about it? let her complain, who cares? if she constantly complains about you to your husband maybe he will be forced to move out and live separately from his mother. i think you give in too much and thats why your MIL takes advantage and your husband thinks everything is going great
I agree with 1 and 3, but not 2. From personal experience, speaking up with in-laws like these doesn't make the blindest bit of difference. It really doesn't. You can try logic, reason, or go down the Islamic route and bring out hadith after hadith and Quranic quote. They won't care. If they want to walk all over you - THEY WILL.
And OP has mentioned that husband is a mama's boy, so it makes it even more difficult.
I have to agree with rabia on this; best thing is to just to learn to ignore them. Play them at their own game: be sweet to them, look after them.... but ultimately if you want to go and visit your parents - you do it. If you are meethi meethi upar se, they won't have anything against you. I'm sorry but it's just how the game works.
I would be gone if I ever had to be this pretentious. No wonder our women are so messed up. From the beginning until the end, all we are doing is pretending and then we unfold the same crap on our DILs.
