Help with MIL and SIL

[Reha]

Re: Help with MIL and SIL

@rabia3983

Reha, in my experience (my own mother, widow at 40 with 4 young children, a cousin with a toddler, and a friend with a toddler,) I haven’t seen their lives to be fun, enjoyable, or practical. Maybe you got lucky in a sense that you were in the US, had support and were educated enough to support yourself. Here in the US, u can ignore the community if need be. BUT in Pakistan things aren’t the same or easy. My mother had to run around in Karachi during her iddahat to get work done. It’s been 20 years, and she is still getting the run around in Pakistan every time she goes to collect my dad’s pension. She couldn’t get a job to support us in Pakistan and once we moved to the US she worked two jobs to support us…NOT every fun. Each of the three mothers I have mentioned above works full time and has the added responsibility to raise their kids all by themselves (which is NOT easy). My cousin, who got a divorce from her husband in Pakistan, doesn’t get any child support. First he denied that the child was his, a DNA test proved it was. He lied on paper that he is just a laborer at this factory, when he actually is the owner…SO she got nothing (wonderful system they have in Pakistan.) You can’t deny that the practical life isn’t though for a signal mother regardless of the country they are in…and to add the desi community to the mix…it’s NOT easy. You might be happy out of a bad situation, but the life won’t be easy afterward. I am NOT saying continue living in an abusive situation to avoid a divorce…BUT pick your battles and as you agree with me, divorce is not the solution for OP’s situation.

To your other comment, if all the happiness is supposed to come from yourself, then why look for a life partner? Why look for love? Why have children?

I can see and understand your points about life being very hard for divorced/widowed women in Pakistan. My advice is mainly for for women who are refusing to walk away because they feel like without a man is impossible. Its not.

Happiness DOES come from within rabia…if you’re not happy with yourself, you cannot be much use to a partner or children.

I also don’t believe in needing someone to complete you because we are complete human beings by birth. We find partners to compliment us but not to complete us. We look for love because companionship is something we all crave. But to make it a crutch is wrong…our girls are raised thinking they need a guy. They will never need a guy. They will only need themselves. If you meet someone who can love you, be there for you and support you in life to do whatever it is the two of you want…that’s when I’d want to marry. Not to have kids, to feel better about myself, to think a man can make me happy, etc.