One of my bros is getting married next month and one in September. Mom and I are really stressed out about the barri and wedding arrangements in general since we want to make sure both weddings are different but equally good. We’re making valima dresses for both bhabhis and the wedding dress for one (one bhabhi is making her own). How do we balance out the barri for the second one so it doesn’t seem lighter? Both bhabhis seem to get along well but we don’t want any element of jealousy coming in during the wedding preparation process. I was not in favor of two happening so close together because there is a chance of competition/comparison but it was unavoidable. Also my mother is wondering if she should have the exact same styles for their valima dresses or should she make them different? Would it be a good idea to ask them what they want so they don’t feel any discrimination?
Help: Two bros getting married close together!
I wouldn't get them the same style walima dress. I'm just thinking personally I wouldn't want that. Best bet is to ask them what they like/dislike and go with that.
With bari you could probably get some things which are the same for both. But if you try and keep the number of outfits etc the same. And number of formals vs semis. Designer vs non designer. In equal balance for both ladies then you should be ok.
I guess you don't want to look like you've spent more on one than another. Or made more of an effort for one. And it must be difficult as each person is an individual. But Alhumdullilah they seem to be lucky as you are thinking about this so since your intentions are good then the outcome should be too!
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
That was 2011 for me. The last function was just 10 days ago, and I am still completely exhausted. I will post in more detail soon.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
different valima outfits and ask them what they want. or how about you give them what your budget is and they can make their own within that?
as for the wedding dresses - the bhabhi who isn't making her own, does she know the other one is? was she also given the choice and opted not to? that can be a stickler so just be aware.
bari you can make some outfits similar but in different colours, i suppose, but otherwise like aaliyah1 said, keep it same in terms of number of outfits and designer vs. non designer and it should be fine.
lucky bhabi's that you're so considerate of their feelings!
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
somegroovychick, thank u for the suggestion! I think asking them the colors would be a good idea. I am not entirely opposed to giving them a budget so they can make a jora of their choice, but my mom thinks it should be the last resort. Since she travels back and forth between PAK and AUS it is not entirely impossible for her to make the jora herself, but her schedule is often unpredictable. But I think both of us would rather have the bhabhis make their own dresses than ask other relatives in PAK to make them since they have very different taste. For Bhabhi # 1 (getting married end of next month) most things are ready and she did suggest colours and a design for her own shaadi dress etc but we're choosing between a couple of different options for the valima one. I am a little panicked but the designer has assured us she will give it to us soon.
sahar02, I can completely understand, it is not easy making a barri specially balancing out two at the same time. So glad to have found someone who has gone thru a similar experience! My mother was thinking of making a second heavy jora (lehnga/sharara) as well to balance out the barris and letting bhabhi choose between the two to wear at the walima. Did you ask bhabhi # 2 for color suggestions for the second dress as well? This is all quite new for me since I got married nearly 11 years ago and things have definitely changed since then. I did not have a say in my barri at all but these days brides are definitely more vocal. I think it's a good thing though, since I did not end up wearing 80% of my barri clothes, which is a shame since they weren't cheap. By contrast, my hubby had complete say in all his clothes from us; his sherwani, his suits, his shirts and ties - he either picked them out himself or he was around while the clothes were being ordered and got everything exactly how he wanted. Consequently, he has worn his sherwani and all his clothes many times over. I keep using that as an example to try to convince my mother to let my bhabhis be involved in decision making since they are the ones who will be wearing the clothes and it will minimize the chance of any discrimination happening with two weddings so close together. She seems to slowly be coming around, but is not convinced that it is acceptable for the bahu to have say in her clothes as it is for the damad? Is this something common?
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
^ [Edited] I think you can ask, but I also think that when asked too much it can make the issue more complicated. So take suggestions, but be clear about whether or not you are able (or willing) to get exactly what she describes. I was married 7 years ago. I had no say in my bari either. Though they were all pretty, I did not love the joras immediately, but I grew to love them and I appreciated them from the beginning. I've worn all of them multiple times, happily.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
Yikes, that sounds rough! That's what I'm worried about important things getting lost in translation and the bhabhis not liking something they have to wear on such a big day. Because of the internet etc brides these days are very aware of what they like and don't like. I know a lot of saases/nands takes brides along these days to choose their outfits. I guess we could always shortlist a few and show them pictures and let them pick the one they like and color combos of their choice?
The other concern mom and I have is about the jewelery. We've already picked a neutral gold set for the bhabi getting married next month but still have to pick one for the September one. One brother earns more than the other so should that determine the value of the set or should they be equally heavy? What is typically done in these situations?
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
I like this thread...a lot.
Sahar gave some awesome insight and I hope I never ever make someone feel like that.
I like how you're asking but be practical and see whats possible for you too.
Also, I don't think its a good idea to do a second lehnga for the bride that is making her own baraat outfit unless its being made for a particular occasion like Sahar's bhabi's was. It rarely gets worn and instead you could just gift her a very heavy outfit she could wear to a khandaan wedding or something. That's my suggestion...from a practical perspective I guess.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
thats a tough decision! I think you should let both bhabis get their baraat and walima dresses themselves and pay for the ones from your side.. I dont think having an equally heavy bridal outfit is a better option.. Trust me, its best to let the brides decide both of their wedding dresses.. for the formals and other joras go for equal quantity and ask each bhabi their favorite colors..
I am getting all dresses myself, my fiance is going to pay for the Baraat and Mehndi dress.. for jewelry, formals and other bari shopping I will be going with my in-laws from time to time..
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
Typically, the brother who earns more can contribute more in his wedding so yes their could be a difference in giving gold.. try to make it minimal though
The other concern mom and I have is about the jewelery. We've already picked a neutral gold set for the bhabi getting married next month but still have to pick one for the September one. One brother earns more than the other so should that determine the value of the set or should they be equally heavy? What is typically done in these situations?
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
i m waiting for post wedding threads in life 1. 
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
well in your situation i’m the bhabi 1- my husband’s brother got married shortly after us..
my MIL didn’t even ask whether or not i wanted my shaadi dress made by her- she just pushed in and made it- i gave her a very clear view of what i wanted- pictures, magazines, talking about it a lot and it seemed we were on the same page- but she came out with some hideous monstrosity for me 
nor did she ask any preferences from me for my barri
when my BIL’s wife came for the initial rishta they decided that day to go ahead with the marriage and my MIL was asking her what kind of outfits she wanted for her barri and colors and everything! AND she also let her get her own shaadi and walima dresses made 
needless to say, i was very hurt by this, and still am- and to put insult to injury BIL’s wife’s barri clothes were so much nicer than mine- really nice kaam and materials- mine were very plain and one even came torn- and she got more than i did (i know for a fact that the in-laws financial situation did not change b/t my wedding and BIL’s- they are quite wealthy)
anyway, the point is that you should let the bhabis have as much say in their clothes as they want, otherwise you’ll be spending so much time and money on things they won’t wear (like me lol) which is just a waste and their feelings could get hurt if you guys try to use your definition of making things even b/t them.. if they choose their own stuff then they’ll have nothing to complain about and you’ll have got your money’s worth 
they’re lucky that your mother and you are so considerate of them! :k:
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
Why dis you give one of the SIL both shadi valima dress and one just the shadi one?
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
This happened to me. MIL very sweetly asked me to send her colour samples and combo's I liked.she left for pak soon after and guess there was some misunderstanding as the Walima jora was not the colors I picked. I kept quite though, thinking she put so much effort into it and at least she tried. A year after she showed me the samples I sent her and turned out that she had assumed another combination as the one I liked for the Walima. Then she got upset at me for not saying anything, lol! Would I have picked that dress? No, but I do realize the effort and money they put into it.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
scary scary
I would never ever ever approve of a joint wedding... call me selfish but why should I?
and I hope my MIL won't have to go through that trouble I could care less about what she buys me I would love it either way.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
I think what happens sometimes too is that after the first wedding, the family gains experience and understands more about fashion trends and stuff. I don’t know if what happened to you was an intentional slight or not; hope the relationships are good now.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
scary scary
I would never ever ever approve of a joint wedding... call me selfish but why should I?
and I hope my MIL won't have to go through that trouble I could care less about what she buys me I would love it either way.
I don't think they are talking about a joint wedding.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
Sahar, I think a big part of it might be weddingstress? Everyone is pressured, tired and adapting to new situations and maybe not acting like themselves? Maybe this sweet compromising girl become ridgid. Abuse she is having a hard time dealing with new people, a new house, new traditions etc etc. I don't think you can predict it, but it might be partially understandable. Maybe once the stress of the wedding cools down, she will be back to herself. Biggest advice my mom gave me before i got married was to think before I act and imagine how I would want my future bhanhi (brothers wife) to behave with my parents. It sounds easy, but is very very hard sometimes!
As for the shades you mentioned: I picked emerald green, burned orange and creme for the Walima jora. They also asked me to send samples for the Bari dresses and one of those was a combo of pistachio green, coral and peach. When she asked which of the 20+ samples was for the lehnga I said the green and orangey one, misunderstanding started there, lol.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
^ Yes, I know.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
Rchange you made a good point about thinkign before you and act and behaving in a way that you would want your bhabhi to behave with you. As someone who is mashallah going to be bringing two bhabhis into my home soon the advice I would give to people with new bhabhis is behave in a way you'd want your nand to behave with you! I also like the point you made rchange about respecting the fact that girls are pressured, tired and adapting to new situations. I went through exactly the same experience - everyone was sweet, nice and respectful on the whole but it was a very different family, progressive but with set notions about what is acceptable for a bahu to have an opinion on and what is not. They also shunned the concept of the 'modern bride' like Sahar02 mentioned. There is two ways you can take away from an experience like that: you can either have the same sulook with your bhabhis and not give them choice with their shaadi and walima dresses/barri because you weren't allowed to or give them an experience you would've liked to have like respecting their preference/choice where their shaadi and walima dresses. I for one prefer the latter. I am even more convinced after the discussion on this to let my bhabhis have more choice with their main dresses and seeing them happy.