Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
I don't think it's a big deal if the bride doesn't have a say in her bari clothes - they are a **gift **from the inlaws... There's no need to consult the bride on each and every single outfit.
Regardless though, Bari clothes are a gift...
If I were in your position azmaira, I would give them both a budget for the shaadi/valima outfits and let them choose whatever they want OR tell them a budget and go with them when they go shopping (if your mom wants to be involved in the process). I would make sure I'm mindful of being equal with the number of clothes, spending around the same on each outfit etc...
I agree with you that barri clothes are a gift and the bride need not be consulted on each and every outfit. But I think the clothes the bride wears on main events like the shaadi, valima etc should be something she likes, feels comfortable in and are in line with her personality. I know it feels like it's just a dress, what the big issue but I know how miserable a bride feels not wearing something she's comfortable in. And in the shaadi ki tasveerain you can completely see my discomfort. And considering it's been 11 years and I still remember this it's clearly not a small issue.
With the rest of the barri clothes I don't think it necessarily has to be the girl's choice but at least her taste, color/shade preferences should be respected and incorporated. I stalked Bhabhi # 1 incessantly on facebook, asked her and her family questions to get a sense of what kinds of colors/styles she likes. Doing the same with bhabhi # 2! We want to pleasantly surprise them with the rest of the clothes but I told my mother it shouldn't be about how much money you are spending, and counting how many joras you're giving but about quality things they will appreciate and wear!
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
I was about to come back and warn you about this issue too. I think usually there is an older brother who has been working longer or who earns/saves more, and so the spending on the wedding may be uneven. One thing try not to make it obviously uneven. Like if there are ways to cut on the event in order to make the jewelry more equivalent. Or add more gems in one, more gold in the other, etc. Or if your parents are able to supplement a bit for the one who needs it, obviously that is great.
Thanks, sahar02 that is really very helpful! I do not think either of my bhabhis will be petty about this kind of stuff but we will give them something that is roughly about the same value or looks equally heavy. I also like your advice about cutting on the events and investing more in the jewelry.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
I agree with you that barri clothes are a gift and the bride need not be consulted on each and every outfit. But I think the clothes the bride wears on main events like the shaadi, valima etc should be something she likes, feels comfortable in and are in line with her personality. I know it feels like it's just a dress, what the big issue but I know how miserable a bride feels not wearing something she's comfortable in. And in the shaadi ki tasveerain you can completely see my discomfort. And considering it's been 11 years and I still remember this it's clearly not a small issue.
With the rest of the barri clothes I don't think it necessarily has to be the girl's choice but at least her taste, color/shade preferences should be respected and incorporated. I stalked Bhabhi # 1 incessantly on facebook, asked her and her family questions to get a sense of what kinds of colors/styles she likes. Doing the same with bhabhi # 2! We want to pleasantly surprise them with the rest of the clothes but I told my mother it shouldn't be about how much money you are spending, and counting how many joras you're giving but about quality things they will appreciate and wear!
We felt the same way and went in with the same plan/intent. After seeing that I didn't get exactly what I wanted, Ammi only wanted to give them things they would love and would feel right as new brides and bahus.
Re: Help: Two bros getting married close together!
Oh, i dient mean to sidetrack the thread and especially not to turn this into a place to talk negative about inlaws. I was just trying to point out that even though the right intentions are there, things might get lost in translation. Just try your best and then hope for the best? Inshallah everything will be fine!