Hi I’m a new member of this site. I’ve been reading posts for a while and have now finally plucked up the courage to post here.
I’m looking for serious advice about the situation i’m in:
Basically I’ve been in a relationship with a first cousin of mine for the past five years (since I was fourteen) It was initiated by him and I immediately fell head over heels for him. Our relationship has been very up and down throughout. He’s based in pak whilst I’m in the uk. More times than I can remember I have become incredibly scared at what I’m doing, freaked out and told him it was over. I have always ended up going back to him and apologising. He’s been patient with me but I know it’s breaking him inside and there’s only so much a guy can take.
Now recently our rishta is slooowlyy getting organised.
I’m in a real dilemma concerning what to do about this rishta and our future. The bad points are:
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we obv have very different mentalities and ideologies
in order for a couple to get along their thinking should match (not entirely) but to some extent otherwise either the marriage doesn’t last or they end up living a robotic life.
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he’s very bright and capable mA but still hasn’t been able to secure a job
why are you worrying about your job now. you r doing med. and once u become a doc you will get a job. how old is he btw?
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he wants to settle in pak whereas that just scares me.
this should come after wards. living in pak isnot bad at all. but i can understand since u have lived all your life in yk so it can be difficult for you.
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im studying medicine and hes clearly told me that i wont be allowed to hav a job after marriage. He did try to discourage me from starting medschool
now you really need to think about this. you are studying med-payin soooo much fees for it to get what? just a certificate/degree? ofcourse not you are doing med because this is teh career u wanted and so that you can work as a doc, earn money, help ppl etc etc.
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i have no experience of living with extended family since they’re all based in pakistan. I am thus terrified of family disputes and how to deal with pakistani mentalities. Being a typical desi wife sounds suffocating to me.
**again i’ll say dont stress yourself about that. you need to sort our other things first.
**
Good points:
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I’ve been with him for so long that our romantic memories are so damn deeply rooted within me
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he’s the only guy i’v ever loved truly and i know i’m the same for him (childhood sweethearts lol)
I’ve thought this through so many times over the years but I still don’t really know what to do. He’s aware of how I feel and has tried reassuring me to have faith in God and not to stress out too much right now. I guess it’s female nature to worry and I just don’t want to regret the decision later on.
thats true that u love and he loves but you are not going to live on love all the time. if i was you i would have spoken to him cut and clear as to that i will do a job and that i have no plans to move to pak. well moving to pak could be possible but "no job"isnot. and if he still said no u cant work and u will have to come to pak. then i will end this relationship here rather than this relationship turning into a nightmare after marriage.
**now finally if you think you have that stamina and patience then go ahead.
good luck**
Any helpful advice please?