help please!

[Princess121]

Re: help please!

@payal_sharma

I read your post before the weekend and just could not stop thinking about it the whole time. I didn’t reply coz honestly i was so upset by reading it, i didn’t want to say anything then.

If you put yourself in out shoes reading your post, honestly what would be your reply? Would you like your teenage sister to be dating a guy who has already finished college?
Had you been 21 and he 29, it would a whole different matter. Would you parents think of him to be a nice guy if they knew that he approached you when you were only 14?

You are an intelligent girl, in spite of all your defenses, there is just something that seems to be slightly off. And its not only the age, your work. It is not like as soon as you get married you’re going to be popping babies. Maybe you would want to work the first few years if he says not to that as well, what then?

Maybe you want to go out with your cousins/friends on a bi-weekly basis to socialize but he does not want to, what then ?

You have to tell us a little more about him. Does he work, what kind of family does he come from, are they open minded, are they similar to your family’s way of thinking. How do you feel about settling down in Pak. What about they way you dress? Since you mentioned about the communication issue, does he speak English ?

I read that you have already broken up with him. So now your next step is to keep at this decision. So there is no rebound for at least a year or two.

Go out and explore. Not go on a dating spree, but just, rediscover yourself. Concentrate more on your studies. Spend more time outdoors, more time with family friends and relatives. Go watch movies, have wonderful lunches and dinners. Take up a hobby. Keep yourself busy so you don’t have time to miss him. You are only 19. Practically a baby. There is so much for you to do. Once you get a little older when you have experienced much more you will understand your decision of separating from him. Or it could also be that you discover that he is the right one. But give it some time.

I typed up a whole reply and then lost it when I refreshed the page. But anyway here’s for round two..

Thankyou for showing concern I really appreciate it which is why I think I should reply. It may sound like a pathetic rant so I’m sorry in advance

He told me that the reason he approached me then was because his love for me was so strong that he couldn’t help himself.. even before that day I had noticed since arriving in pak for the past week that he liked me (female intuition).. but he has come to regret it because of the immaturity I’ve shown and apparently still do

He told me how when I tried to break up with him he wouldn’t be able to eat, sleep or study so he didnt do well in some univ exams.. He’d feel quite down and depressed and couldn’t understand my concerns (i’d come up with excuses as to why we shouldnt be together) and so he feels like he wasted his youth away

No he doesn’t work but he is actively looking for work.. He said how he felt a lot of pressure to provide a decent home and lifestyle for me.. so he turned down earlier career opportunities.. which he now regrets..

He speaks English which I understand fine. He finds my British accent difficult to understand but we managed somehow

Besides me working as a doctor, he’s fine with socialising or doing whatever I wana do He said he wasnt compeltely against the idea of me working.. but not as a doctor I think he’s open minded.. but his family.. I’m not so sure about

The problem is that although his univ life was in lahore, his family are based in a village.. and though I respect them there are certain issues that I find difficult to deal with. He told me that I wouldn’t have to live in a village.. but at this moment in time there is no other home.. I dislike how women are treated Little things bother me like how his sole sister works around the clock serving the family in housework.. Of course I admire her energy.. but I find it a problem when the males do absolutely nada even if they’re not working during the day..Right now me and my brother can stand side by side washing and drying dishes.. but there that would be considered the height of shame on me.. I don’t want my kids to be grown up in that environment.

But despite all this he was trying his best to make something of himself.. and provide the most luxurious lifestyle for me.. and I appreciate that..

I feel heartbroken. He was the only guy who could make me laugh in an instant. We would turn to each other for support whenever we felt down. Today, I broke down in tears and couldn’t help myself calling him.. but he hung up without answering the call.. I knew I shouldn’t have but it’s hard to move on The most frightening thing for me right now is yeh I’m young and I can spend another few years carefree.. but he’s older and has refused so many rishtas already for me.. what if he now accepts one of them..