ok so i have a small issue i require help with..now i was going to say it was one of my friends but that would be lying and im not such a good liar… so please dnt laugh or mock me as im being serious!!
ok..so here goes
Basically, have to meet a “potential” tomorrow without his family, which iv never done before!!
i dnt know anything abt him at all…in fact i dnt even think i know his name..
so my issue is that i dont know how to act..obviously i know i have to try and be myself ..but how frigging hard is that!!
Im really scared im gona say something stupid and laugh when im not supposed to..which i have done on many occasions in front of potential mother in laws face!!!
The thing that worries me the most is that ..well…i have this thing where i feel i need to belittle men just to make me feel better..i know its wrong but iv tried changing..nowt seems to work..how do i overcome this?..say for example..he makes a really obnoxious comment about something i disagree with..how do i ignore it?..how do i make myself into one of those “ur entitled to ur opinion” kinda people???
i mean..wot if he tricks me by asking something stupid and i give the wrong reply???
Don't look at him as a "potential". Think of it as nothing more than meeting a friend and treat him as you would one of your girlfriends. Don't have any expectations and just keep reminding yourself that he's just another person, another friend ... nothing special at this point.
He probably won't trick you. I think that is too complicated for most guys. He's probably just as nervous as you are.
I am confused. You said you are meeting him alone but then he mentioned doing something in MIL's face???
I need mroe details to properly advise you. Ar you two going out to eat, meet at a mall, house, library... what's the environment gonna be like?. Do you have a choice in meeting place?.
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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Don't look at him as a "potential". Think of it as nothing more than meeting a friend and treat him as you would one of your girlfriends. Don't have any expectations and just keep reminding yourself that he's just another person, another friend ... nothing special at this point.
He probably won't trick you. I think that is too complicated for most guys. He's probably just as nervous as you are.
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thanks for replying chick...i thought id get laughed at!!
i cant treat him like i would a girlfriend, then i wudnt be on my guard, wot if i accidently say something really really stupid..and knowing me i say stupid stuff all the time espec wen im nervous..i talk extra fast and make no sense at all
how do i remain in control of my actions without being stuck up?
i sometimes get too comfortable in strangers company and never know wen to shut up, how do i keep reserved without acting like a cow???
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*Originally posted by Miss_Mohabbat: *
i cant treat him like i would a girlfriend, then i wudnt be on my guard, wot if i accidently say something really really stupid..and knowing me i say stupid stuff all the time espec wen im nervous..i talk extra fast and make no sense at all
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Umm... why do want to try so hard to not be yourself when you'll be yourself anyway after marriage? Why portray yourself as something you're not?
thanks for replying chick...i thought id get laughed at!!
i cant treat him like i would a girlfriend, then i wudnt be on my guard, wot if i accidently say something really really stupid..and knowing me i say stupid stuff all the time espec wen im nervous..i talk extra fast and make no sense at all
how do i remain in control of my actions without being stuck up?
i sometimes get too comfortable in strangers company and never know wen to shut up, how do i keep reserved without acting like a cow???
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Don't be reserved .... trust me (cause I'm super reserved and I know) nobody likes it. Be natural!! If you are naturally talkative, that's a really good thing. Just be yourself. Like PA said, you'll know that he's seen the 'real' you and likes it.
There's nothing wrong with saying silly or stupid things. The worse that can happen is that he'll laugh ... and then you'll laugh .... then you'll both have an ice breaker. Don't 'think' too much about being reserved. Be sure to be yourself.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
your last comment can be a good ice-breaker.
I am confused. You said you are meeting him alone but then he mentioned doing something in MIL's face???
I need mroe details to properly advise you. Ar you two going out to eat, meet at a mall, house, library... what's the environment gonna be like?. Do you have a choice in meeting place?.
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i use my last comment wen ever i meet new ppl..i knw its a good one!!
the laughing in mil's face was something i did ages ago wen meeting a previous potential..i knw i shudnt have but my lil cousins were running around making me laugh...very silly!
Umm... why do want to try so hard to not be yourself when you'll be yourself anyway after marriage? Why portray yourself as something you're not?
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i mean i dnt want to be myself too much as in let my guard down...iv never done this b4..i dnt know how it works
obviously im gona be me..but i dnt wanna be too much me
miss_mohabbat.. geez im ni the same boat as u.. yikes! good thread
just be urself as eveyone else has said.. if u want to belittle, do so hehe but dont hurt his feelings… and its ok to laff.. trust me.. thats the only way i get thru a serious conversation..
I can talk you through a dress rehearsal here but I need to know some basics abt the guy - country where he was raised, approx. age, education level, and ethnic background. This if you want some meaningful advice. And if you feel it's asking (telling) too much then we can all just play around.
he may ask u bout what u do.. where u work.. or if u dont work, he may ask u about ur studies... he'll prob ask u about how u spend ur day.. or evening after work.. what sorta things ur interested in... extremely general things..
I have never done this arranged meetings with prospective girls in person so I am kinda clueless when it comes to experience. But as a guy I know what kind of things do interest me in girls...so I would concentrate on those aspects. Actually, come to think of it a few years back a relative of mine tried to hook me up with this girl so we had a phone conversation which didn't go very well. Partly because none of us were interested. I was just getting out of a relationship and had no desire to get back in the market and she had just finished studies and was looking forward to her job overseas. We hadn't seen eachother photos at the time of call. She was trying hard not to ask any questions and I was just not mentally ready for putting up an effort. In order to put her off I even mentioned an indian movie I had seen ages ago. And she was like, "I don't watch Indian movies". I kinda sorta fell in love with her for a couple of seconds but then snapped out of it when she asked about my past.
But luckily you two seem to have a clean slate to start with.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
I can talk you through a dress rehearsal here but I need to know some basics abt the guy - country where he was raised, approx. age, education level, and ethnic background. This if you want some meaningful advice. And if you feel it's asking (telling) too much then we can all just play around.
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i know all the formal ones like wot i do..intrests and hobbies...but wot abt the non formal question?
what typifies the type of thing a 25/26 year old wants in a lass?