Re: Help Needed
Ok, an update.
After she locked the door I slept downstairs and didn’t talk to her for 3 days and just stayed sleeping downstairs, well to be honest none of us spoke to the other because I asked her for the keys twice and she didn’t respond so I did not bother speaking to her after that. Anyway we started speaking on Monday but did not actually talk about any of our issues, I just said to her that you cannot leave midway through a conflict and behave in such a manner, it is not like I was swearning, shouting or being physically abusive.. I decided I would talk to her the next day when we are both less emotional.
The next Morning she text me that she will be going to her parent’s house to pick up an item and essentially spend some time with them. I replied stating the other day we were invited to the house of my sibling and you said that our child cannot go to any of my family houses and now you are taking her to yours, this is not fair and I do not agree whatsoever. If you apply a rule then you apply it equally across the board and that tonight we will discuss your concerns. She replied that she meant only our siblings houses and not parents and that she has had enough of me controlling her and is leaving to stay at her mothers and that ‘when I am ready to talk to her I will need to go there’.
She then started texting me that she wants me to discuss matters there and that her family will then know how bad of a person I am, how I make her feel, about my manipulative ways and that this is the reason why I have never wanted to discuss matters with her family (yet I discussed them with a Shaykh which was NOT behind closed doors?). I told her that talking to families is not an option that will yield any results whatsoever and I refuse to go down that path. I gave her 3 options: either we talk in person, we talk with our teacher from before or we choose any marriage councillor, I have not received a response to this and it has been 4 days.
During the course of these texts I said to her that I do everything for her sake, I do the domestic work, visiting her family, helping out whenever I can. She just responded that it is not her responsibility to the the house chores and that I do the domestic work not for her but for my mother BUT my mother has been abroad for 4 months so who else do I do it for? Then she said that I do not help her family for her sake but ‘for your one mission and that is to earn brownies with God’?? She accused me of having pakistani views that I will not come to her parents house even though she decided to go after I told her to stay to discuss matters, she said that because of me she has broken more peoples hearts than ever before (because she cannot be at her parents all the time) and her letting people down (because essentially she cannot visit all the time), she also said that she is scared of asking me to stay over at her parents when we have stayed over 3 times in the last two months?
I really do not understand what I am to do, this is a farce now. I even said to her that if she comes back we will move straight away, the same night. I also said that regarding her other issue of amily then we will not speak to each others families for a certain time and sort ourselves out but she was not having any of that either.
I know that I will contact her to see my daughter but anything after that I do not have a clue, this is a joke now.
The major mistake I have done is that I was suppose to move before Ramadfhan to the hose we are renting but for those 4 weeks I did not do anything due to the month itself, although I did manage to buy some appliances for the house.
But the issue is far deeper than moving. It just never stops.
Oh, I have also been accused of a bully, funny because our teacher said I have no control whatsoever.
In all of this, where is the new born child? Who is taking care of a new baby? Did you even see him (or her)? Did you get to hold your own baby? I can’t comprehend how you are still SO focused on your wife when there is an innocent life in the balance in the middle of it all. For crying out loud, this is NOT about you and her anymore. This is about your baby. You are parents!! A child can not and will not thrive in such an environment, when the parents not only don’t see each other let alone talk to each other for days, but don’t even consider the mental welfare of the baby. Please, I am urging you, at this point you need to consider your newborn child. The time of reconciling for the sake of marriage is all gone. Now it’s time for you to be a parent, a father, and think what is best for your kid. And trust me, if your child grows up in the environment you’re describing, you’re not going to have a happy kid, no matter how religious, or irreligious he grows up to be.