Re: HELP ME
:Salute:
thanx. the thing people dont seem to understand he is not 18 or 19 he is 31 i met him when he was 30 but i dont think that age matters only that you love the person matters.
PL, you still have not answered the questions. So far** it seems **that he is using you.
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ohay larki.. tusi teek to haan na.. kio America main young larko ki kami hay kia 
u shouldnt cry because u didnt marry him.. but u should cry why u started loving him.. abay yaar tayray American citizen us ko tuj say pyar karnay per majboor kar raha hay warna aj kal kay larkay.. U can never expect to get true love .. aur woh bee 31
Allah humay hidayat nayki day 
Re: HELP ME
so he is 30 and still unmarried and lives in pakistan *hmmm why does this sounds fishy..
Just checked your profile YOU are 19. Do yourself a favor pakilover. Love Pakistan for now once you graduate from college then love that guy.
Pakilover from your last few replies it seems you just wanted us to agree with you. You were not really looking for any advice.
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Hey I just happend to see this thread and I really dont want to start anything but nia_khan byfar your advice has been the most useless out of everybodys in here. Taking your kid to pakistan, where kids are probably even more messed up then the ones here, wont make things better.
Sending them to army school will do what?
I agree with the part that yes people will say its your fault, but have you ever thought that even if your kid did something good people will still find something bad to say, so if your worried about what people will say about you, your pretty much cooked!!
Also being unmarried at 30 isnt fishy its just a THING in paki culture that if your 30 and unmarried there is something seriously wrong with you.
Rather then making fun of her we should give her advice. Ever think about that?
How did you meet this guy? Was it online? Or did you actuall meet him in pak?
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^ agreed, nothing fishy about that at all. If anything, it’s quite common, especially for a man.
Pakilover, you are only 17. Keep that in mind, you still have many years ahead of you. Also, you haven’t given much information on your interaction with this man. Has it been strictly online or have you two met?
I need to stress your age though, you are only 17. Most people don’t even know who they are at that age. You don’t want to make any rash decisions which you may end up regretting later on in life. If you are determined to be with this man, continue to get to know him and spend proper time with each other to see if you are even truly compatible.
It’s true that age doesn’t really matter when two people are in love, but whether YOU are actually ready to get married is another equation altogether. 17 is very young, especially if you two haven’t spent a lot of time together (my assumption here).
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I dont understand why people like to poke fun at others when there in need of help. There is sooo much disunity between muslims around the world because of such attitudes.
Why would you take your kid to Pakistan to beat them? and why would you beat them to begin with? JEEEEZZ!!
Have you met this guys parents? Do they know that he is with you?
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^ sadz mashallah tusi to baray hogayay ho.. waday waday batain karnay lagy ho 
btw..being 30 and unmarried i don’t think there should be any thing to worry about or talk about.. cause in my family most of them marry after 30 year old.. so i dont see a problem here.. but the problem i see is she is 17 and he is 30 means nearly 15 year difference.. 
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First of all Pakilover, you need to provide more information regarding your fianace. More Importantly answer the following
1- how you met him 2- Did he ever come to NY 3- When did you get engaged 4- How did you get engaged 5- Why did you engage without letting your parents know 6- What are the reasons that your parents disallow it.
here are your answers
1. i met him online
2. no he did not come to NY but he wanted too
3. we got ingaged in december
4. he asked me to marry him first but i needed to tell him how old i really was then i asked him to marry me and he said yes!
5. because i knew what my parents were going to say (i was going to leave secretly)
6. he was too old for me, he lives in Pakistan, my parents are predujice, and they say i dont know what love is
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Pakilover he is way too old for you. why did u lie about ur age to him anyway? how in the world did u get engaged without meeting. to the best of my memory an engagement always required an exchange of rings. Give yourself some time. u r american as in white/black american right? Spanish? What do u even know about pakistani culture and the way of living there that u r willing to abandon the comfort of ur home and elope and live in pakistan? What do u know about him and his family? how is this marraige going to take place? ur going to fly to pakistan I assume? Does that leave u with a graceful way back home if things do not go as planned? too much risk in my opinion.
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oh Goodness gracious!
Beta Pakilover,
Listen to all of us here. We all are bit older and mature than you right now and most of us have been through the situation you are are going through now. I am calling you beta because for some reason I don't want you to fall for this trap that this guy is building around you. It might not seems like it as of this moment but later you will come to realize that the decision you are trying to make is not sensible nor practical.
Pakilover, ok you love him, you never met him and he is all the way in pak .... then how r u going to get married with him if you rebel with ur parents and run away from home?
open your eyes now before its too late!
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how did you get engaged to him? have you met him?
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I agree with Femme and Evil here.
There is too much risk involved, especially considering you two have not even met. How do you plan on getting married if he isn't coming to America? What has he does, other than talk online with you, to show his sincerity?
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Sadz how are you doing today? not well i guess…You definately got some nerves!
Everyone else in this thread gave their opinion on what she should do i think thats good enough. Sadz i guess you don’t understand the seriouness of engagement. A child to go behind your back and getting engaged with someone. Its like telling your parents quietly they got no freakin clue what they are doing.
I agree parents could be harsh they may not understand but to go behind t heir back and do something so serious is plainly wrong. And if my child does that like i said before and i will say it again it was definately something wrong with my upbringing. You can bet million dollars that i am not going to let my kid go around and ruin their life when they cant even make their own decisions.
zindagi ke fasle dil se nahee demag se lene chahaey. No matter how much you love somenoe but that guy doesnt do a anything. I might as well stay single for rest of my life. Love does not fill your stomach.
i am sorry if age is such a big and touchy subject of yours. looks like i hit you where it hurts the most. When i said ‘living in pakistan and 30 plus single’ i did not say there is something wrong with that. I said it sounds fishy and thats due to several reasons;
I do have my reasons to believe that as well. Sadz you were very about one thing… my words do get use very ** less**.
I do believe in love i think thats the most beautiful thing that can happen to you. But i don’t believe lying to my parents. Jab pyar kia to darna kia. If i love someone i want the entire world to know about it and i want blessings of my parents. I can’t imagine living without those blessings thats like living a life with no religion and i am not an atheist[kundakawasta]. In Pakilover situation, she is a young girl. Who has her entire future in front of her she has to polish her life. She should be free having fun, going to college, getting good grades doing something valuable in life. Yeah to love someone is fine but i have no respect nor patience for those kids who go behind their parents and take some serious decisions.
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Hi Pakilover.
I think you dont get allowed to marry him because you
get engaged with you bf without telling your parents about him and
So.. i think they are upset about that and also they dont know him... so
they also think that maybe he is'nt the right guy for you.
Did you talk to your mom now about ur bf? maybe she can talk
to ur dad and get agree that you can see him and get marry with him.
But i also think that you did'nt do the right thing.
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Actually im doing fine! I have some nerve? Why? because I commented on your opinion which had no substance? You sound pretty immature.
Anywayz, hey im not encouraging her to go behind her parents back and get engaged that obviously would NOT be the right thing to do.
If you READ what I wrote, I was commenting on your comment about taking your kids to pakistan and sending them to army school. Give me a break!! What good does that do? Your kids ending up hating and resenting you for the rest of there lives. Do you think pakistan is any better? I have and heard and seen things much worse in pakistan then here. This image that people put on of the people from pakistan being holier than thou is pathetic. The difference is things happen ther behind closed doors.
Agreed you should make decisions with your head and not your heart.
No age is not a touch subject for me im only 23 and no you did not hit me anywhere. Sorry to disappoint you. Since that seems like the point of every comment you make.
Agreed she is young she has an entire lifetime to look forward too. I've seen a lot of girls get married as young as 16 and end up regretting it. Now that I look back I am soooo glad I didnt get married young.
I read some other comments and pakilover mashallah you are young whyyyy are you getting to something like this?? You started your relationship with a lie by lying to him about your age, do you honestly think there will be any barkat in this union? Have your parents and his parents sat down and talked to each other? What does he have to show for himself?
Dont make mistakes which will cost you an entire lifetime. You live only once.
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Pakilover, Answer these last crictical question:
1- Why didn't he come to NY then?
2- What excuse did he give for not coming?
3- Did he wanted to come before you got engaged or after?
4- Why doesnt he come to NY now?
5- What(occupation) and Where(company name) does he work?
6- How long have you know this guy?
7- Where in pakistan does he live?
Please answer these questions in detail (if possible), rather than 1 sentences.
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sadz…First off leave my immaturity on the side. Secondly NO this is gupshup anyone can comment on anyone’s opinion.
In this entire thread everyone was sort of supporting or helping pakilover to come to a better decision. My approach was compeletely different. I thought like a mother.
I raise a kid give them everything they want, be there for them, be their friend and mom when needed. In the end they decide to take such a big decision without even asking me. Yeah parents have given birth to us but forgetting them in this serious matter is simply wrong.
I said it before and will say it again that will take that kid back home since i wont be able to hit them here.
In most cases when a child decides these big decision they end up running away from home.
YOu were talking about how muslims should help another muslim. Did you know a mother especially has to give answer to how she raised her kid more then father.
We all fall in love and sometimes fall out of it. I would not leave my mom’s love for another guy who i just got to know.
oh the reason i was saying age is a touchy subject for you. You quoted me 2 times about a guy who is 30 years old etc.
I think i gave good and valid reasons for that..
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You seem to be lost. “No this is gup shup??” I was referring to your comment about me having some nerves.
Im glad you accpet that you are immature. Acceptance is the first step.
Firstly, your not her mother. Nor should you try to be one. I said poking fun at others in there time of need is typical of muslims today which is why there is so much disunity. It had absolutely no relation to the issue of mothers. As for pakilovers mother, she most likely will have to answer for her daughters actions, but then again what do we know? we are only human.
Sometimes no matter what your mother/father says it will seem wrong. Why? Cuz there your parents. Sometimes what a friend or an outsider to the situation says, even if it is the same thing your parents are saying, seems to make more sense.
If you have found the right person he/she would NEVER make you chose your parents or ever put you in that situation. So yes I do agree with you that I wouldnt chose a guy over my parents either.
Islamically Nia you are not suppose to beat your kids. The prophet (PBUH) never beat his kids or grandchildren or any children for that matter. Slapping your kid around doesnt achieve anything. It doesnt solve problems. Words are stronger then actions. You can beat your kid here or in Pak it doesnt really make a difference. I was born and raised here and let me tell you my mom has given me the beats 
but when I look back at the situation, it didnt really solve anything. Scaring your kids into respecting you or listening to you is not the way. The fact that you would take them allll the way back home just to beat them up was kind of stupid. Again like I said before the image that people from Pak put on that they are holier than thou is totally unrealistic. What goes on down there is shocking. The difference is its behind closed doors.
I quoted you once about your comment on it being fishy that a guy who is 30 and in Pak. So what if the guy lived in Canada or the US and 30? Would that be fishy?
You get married when you get married. There is no set age that makes it a must for a guy or girl to get married by a certain age. Whenever it is in your kismat it will happen. Rather then rush it and marry somebody when your 20 because you need to please other people and shut there mouths is ridiculous.
Pakilover, dude you need to seriously sit down and think about your actions and there consequences on you and the rest of your life.
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Where the heck on earth you got the idea i was trying to be her mother. i was giving example of my own kid [whenver i will have one].
Sadz i wonder where did you get your islamic education. I am sorry but there is alot of lack of knowledge on that part.
[okay now i think i am getting to personal here- Poor Pakilover’s thread has gone far away from the topic ]
PakiLover- As most of the Mature guppies here feel you should not even think of marrying this guy. Get your education once you know where you stand in life it will help you make a better decision.
Pakilover- I know parents dont understand most of time. Its okay we will be parents one day ourselves. Leaving them for someoen whom you just meet insn’t such a great thing to do especially at your age.
So leave him concentrate on studies if you still have time left get youself a job to occupy yourself.
THE END
Nia, your comments have been edited. Please refrain from making personal attacks.
Thanks
Life 1 Mods
Re: HELP ME
yes i am willing to give up the life i have for i hate it and i have a lay back plan because i move to pakistan i will be in the american army for 2 years and they will pay for all trips