Re: help me to learn how to let go
You need to put yourself in your father’s shoes. The wedding was only 3 months ago. You are adjusting to a new life…well guess what…so is your father! I am the eldest in my family (no brothers) and my parents struggle financially so I understand where you AND your dad are coming from. I go through the same thing with my parents and it very frustrating.
Has it occurred to your that your father simply needs to vent? Do you want him to lie to your and say things are fine? Haven’t you ever had a bad day and simply needed to talk to someone…just to get your feelings/thoughts out? Have you thought that maybe your father simply needs you to stay quiet and listen…and not give advice?
Your father has never asked you for money. That tells me he has a certain amount of pride/ego. You have adult siblings who are working/contributing so this tells me your parents aren’t in total despair. If they were in danger of losing their home, didn’t have enough for food/bills etc, then I could understand you insisting on helping. By now you should realize how desi culture works when it comes to parents accepting financial help from married daughters. Can you imagine how your father must feel knowing that he himself cannot 100% support his family? You are so focused on your own feelings of depression…imagine how your father feels as a man/husband/father. How do you think he’s going to feel if you insist on giving him $50/month? You think this is going to make him feel happier? You think this will make it easy for him to hold his head up high when he needs your husband/in-laws? Give him a sense of confidence?
Speaking of husband…you have enormous debt and your husband/you are struggling financially. Have you discussed with your husband how he feels about you giving money to your family? Again…assuming your parents are not in total financial crisis…how will your husband feel about your diverting money so early in the marriage when you two actually need it?
Allow your father to vent to you without giving advice. Learn to simply listen. Don’t get emotional/cry and put your father in a position where he has to hide what’s really going on in that house. This way, if there is a true emergency where they actually NEED money…you can insist on helping. As the saying goes…pick & choose your battles. Focus on paying off your debt now and settle down with your husband. And build your savings. As your parents get older and your siblings get married…there will come a time when your parents actually NEED money and your siblings are not in a position to contribute their entire paycheck. That’s when you sweep in and help.