Hey guys! This is gonna be super long ( cause you have to know the back story or whatever..) but yeah.
I’m an 18 year old 3/4 kashmiri, 1/4 bosnian girl living in America with only my mom, dad, my 3 sisters, and my 2 brothers ( like no other cousins or relatives here). About a year ago, my parents were going to marry my older sister (age 23) to my older cousin (age 25), but we went to Pakistan last year for the first time in 10 years, and my cousin hadn’t seen any of us since then, so he had no clue what we looked like, just that my sister was pale, tall, and had really nice eyes. So yeah, we go, and he realizes that my sister doesn’t look anything like he imagined, nor does she act like he imagined. We stayed there for a couple more months, and about a month before we leave, my cousin comes to our house and literally begs my dad to marry me, and my dad says, you have to ask her, and at the moment, I was feeling super pressured (cause my parents love this cousin of mine, like probably even more than me) and I just said yes, and the next week his family arranged for there to be a huge mangni ceremony or whatever, and they brought a whole bunch of very expensive gifts, so I was excited, and didn’t really care about anything. So we returned to America, and I kept maybe 2 times a week contact with this guy, and just a month ago, one of my aunts told me that she saw him with this girl at a mall, and my cousin (on the other side of my family) said the same thing. I decided to look into it, and found out that he planned to divorce me after we got married and he came to America, and then he’d bring his “girlfriend” here. I confronted him about it, and he denied all of it, but asked me if I’d ever be okay to him having two wives, and I straight up said no.
So I’d like your opinions on what I should do.. Personally, I don’t like the whole idea of marrying between first cousins, but its a custom in Pakstani culture, and its what my parents think is the best choice. I also am really insecure about the fact that he might get another wife, and I’ll be left 
but I mean, as a person he is nice, and I guess he looks okay (not like the typical fobby pakistani guy)… Meh. Should I continue in the marriage process or crush my moms dreams of what her grandchildren will look like ? 
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
Why would you even consider marrying someone who plans to to divorce you once he gets to America??? Or wants to get married twice.
Better to leave him now than after.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
better leave him.i m myself marrried to a first cousin and within family there can b a lot of problems. believe me if something like this happened may b it was just ALLAH's way of showing u shud not marry this guy or that he may not b gud for u
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Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
You are 18. Go to college, get some life experience. Dump his sorry ass.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
also do an istikhara,pray 2 nifal with istikhara niyat and then after tasbeeh,durood pak ,recite istikhara's dua and make dua to ALLAH to guide u to whats best for u !
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
And your parents won't be crushed when he divorces you and leaves you to take care of his kid? I mean no one, literally, no one would want a daughter married and divorced before the age of 20.
There's a girl in my family who got emotionally blackmailed into marrying her cousin (Her father threatened to divorce her mother if she didn't). The cousin had a girlfriend and ultimately divorce happened even though she tried hard to make things work (She really thought she could make the two women system work but the guy was so neglectful). Now you see this extremely pretty girl who had a chance to marry just about anyone going to places alone with her daughter because her parents lost their minds and chose a characterless guy just because he was a cousin.
(And you have other siblings and other opportunities in life to give your mother grandchild. Not a good enough excuse to ruin your life)
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
nice story! :)
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
If you don't want a job then don't marry someone you will probably have to support for a while once he gets here. The custom of marriage between first cousins is now less prevalent than before esp. in cities. There is a risk of genetic diseases in kids too in case of cousin marriages.
BTW if you are super Americanized, then this guy who seems very sharp does not seem to be the guy for you.
Thank you all for amazing answers, you're amazing! Btw, I finished college in May �� I have no life other than a small designing course I'm taking cause I don't want to get a job. Also, what about the whole cousins thing? Is that considered acceptable? I'm super americanized, and am closer with my Bosnian family so idk ����
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
You're 18 and you finished college?
Your parents are willing to throw you into the fire by making you marry a creep who has no respect or kindness for you OR your sister (seriously, breaking up with her and begging to marry you?)
Do parents like this even love their children? seriously?
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
You're 18 and you finished college?
Your parents are willing to throw you into the fire by making you marry a creep who has no respect or kindness for you OR your sister (seriously, breaking up with her and begging to marry you?)
Do parents like this even love their children? seriously?
This senorita speaketh truth
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
Tell your mother that he plans to have 2 wives ... with you and some other person. Ask her what she thinks ... And then tell her that you will do exactly as she suggests ... and give that feedback to his parents as well to confirm.
Ask your question on a Bosnian or Kashmiri forum ... why you came to a Pakistani forum really confuses me ...
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
to add to psyah's list of things that are confusing/seem weirdly unnecessary in describing the issue - didnt understand why you wrote about your sister. what is the relevance? tall? eyes? vat?
not saying you are trolling but... this thrad has a lot of the ingredients - almost white girl, marriage with fob cousin, guy wants to marry only for green card, second wife......
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
wow. just wow.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
Hey guys! This is gonna be super long ( cause you have to know the back story or whatever..) but yeah. I'm an 18 year old 3/4 kashmiri, 1/4 bosnian girl living in America with only my mom, dad, my 3 sisters, and my 2 brothers ( like no other cousins or relatives here). About a year ago, my parents were going to marry my older sister (age 23) to my older cousin (age 25), but we went to Pakistan last year for the first time in 10 years, and my cousin hadn't seen any of us since then, so he had no clue what we looked like, just that my sister was pale, tall, and had really nice eyes. So yeah, we go, and he realizes that my sister doesn't look anything like he imagined, nor does she act like he imagined. We stayed there for a couple more months, and about a month before we leave, my cousin comes to our house and literally begs my dad to marry me, and my dad says, you have to ask her, and at the moment, I was feeling super pressured (cause my parents love this cousin of mine, like probably even more than me) and I just said yes, and the next week his family arranged for there to be a huge mangni ceremony or whatever, and they brought a whole bunch of very expensive gifts, so I was excited, and didn't really care about anything. So we returned to America, and I kept maybe 2 times a week contact with this guy, and just a month ago, one of my aunts told me that she saw him with this girl at a mall, and my cousin (on the other side of my family) said the same thing. I decided to look into it, and found out that he planned to divorce me after we got married and he came to America, and then he'd bring his "girlfriend" here. I confronted him about it, and he denied all of it, but asked me if I'd ever be okay to him having two wives, and I straight up said no. So I'd like your opinions on what I should do.. Personally, I don't like the whole idea of marrying between first cousins, but its a custom in Pakstani culture, and its what my parents think is the best choice. I also am really insecure about the fact that he might get another wife, and I'll be left but I mean, as a person he is nice, and I guess he looks okay (not like the typical fobby pakistani guy)... Meh. Should I continue in the marriage process or crush my moms dreams of what her grandchildren will look like ?
your post is missing some important information like how did you find out that he intends to divorce you after coming to US and that he intends to marry his girlfriend. How are you so sure that the girl your aunt saw with him in the mall is his girlfriend that he wants to marry?
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
You definitely should not marry him for the following reasons;
1) He broke things off with your sister and is begging for you instead (how must your sister feel... If he doesn't have the "lehaaz" for sisters then I'm not shocked he would move on to another girl).
2) He flat out asked you if you'd be okay with him having 2 wives... Are you kidding me!? AKA the guy has no respect for you... how do you expect him to keep you happy?
3) Marriage is not a game, divorce isn't easy. You live in the U.S. you should know that, if not then look into the laws/legal aspect. That might scare you off from making a big mistake.
4) Regardless of how much your parents adore him, I just can't fathom how they would let this happen if you told them the truth.....
Lesson; tell your mom the truth.... Theres a reason why your aunt and other cousin told you he was hanging out with a girl at the mall.
Pls think before you act...Next time don't say Yes without thinking who you're giving your life away to.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
Break off the engagement.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
to add to psyah's list of things that are confusing/seem weirdly unnecessary in describing the issue - didnt understand why you wrote about your sister. what is the relevance? tall? eyes? vat?
not saying you are trolling but... this thrad has a lot of the ingredients - almost white girl, marriage with fob cousin, guy wants to marry only for green card, second wife......
dont' forget, finished college by 18....
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
You are 18. Go to college, get some life experience. Dump his sorry ass.
1) How did you finish college at 18?
2) ...the above quote. Read it. Read it again. Also, get a job--doesn't have to be something crazy but nothing makes you grow up / get another perspective than dealing with other types of people everyday. Do it.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
nice story! :)
This is what I was thinking. Also, Rakhi Sawant should play her, if this ever becomes a bollywood movie.
Re: Help me out? Marriage between First cousins.
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