Help an ABCD please

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Help an ABCD please

Have you heard the phrase "behind every great man is a great whip". Well keep that in mind.

When you grow older, you're not going to look back at your childhood and think how you missed out on everything..you're gonna look back and think how good you were, and what happened along the way...the more freedom you get it's gets harder to keep your toes in line, because there's noone watching you but Allah swt. So I'd be grateful for the watchful parents' eyes.

22

Re: Help an ABCD please

if one can't do so little to save himself, he deserve to be in ****, I want to ask her if she is really 18 :)

23

Re: Help an ABCD please

For now there is nothing you can do other than riding the storm.
I see some good advise here by the girls who been there done that.
I am father of a daughter she is 11 now and she has started asking questions now and has started arguing. My wife gets strict with her all the time because of her own childhood trauma. She gets strict with my sons too though . She is an equal opportunity strict mom , I guess. :hmmm:
I am the lenient one , I understand the demands and pressure of Westerns society and try to come up with a compromise whenever there is a dispute between my wife and my daughter.
I am glad that you are so obedient and understanding please keep it up , I pray to Allah that my daughter turns out to be like you.
Your parents will always remain protective and strict , you can never change their mindset. You can negotiate some privileges by begging , requesting and appealing to their sense of justice only.
At this point I would advise you to compromise with this situation and just lay low till you get married and have a life of your own.
For now being a teenager you are looking at the things you did not get to do and fretting over it. But you need to look at those things which your parents allowed you to do , like hanging out with your desi friends and have fun. I am sure you did many fun things with your family. Those are your fond childhood memories. If you take out your family album , look at your the snaps your parents took of you , that will surely jog your fond memories.
Everything about your life is not screwed up , only some of it. :slight_smile: Just kidding.

24

Re: Help an ABCD please

how are you a sindi chokri if you are ABCD?

You are going move out anyway, so be on your best behavior until 18 / graduation and then party / wear skirts & bikinis to all your liking so you get that out of your system. Just don't do it too much that you regret it later in life.

:)

25

Re: Help an ABCD please

Some people do end up messed up in life because of it and this abuse continues on with their own children.

I can see why a parent might not want you hanging out too much with goras as they think you might adopt their culture, and lets say that that culture has some bad parts to it that you don't want.

26

Re: Help an ABCD please

Very true.

Why can't it be the other way around ? There are some bad parts to our culture too. Right ?

27

Re: Help an ABCD please

Only time I have ever agreed with you.

I wonder how many adults who had this kind of life are truly happy and glad that they were raised like this......and aren't just lying through their teeth because they cannot/will not admit that their parents were wrong.

28

Re: Help an ABCD please

OK so yes she's been an obedient daughter, that's good right, but she's 18 now, and her mum is already threatening her to get her married because she found a skirt in her bag ! do you want her to be so obedient that one day she'll start a thread here on GS telling us how miserable she is cause she got married by force and fear ?
her parents really need to start trusting her and above all, letting her grow up because i don't know if OP is really 18 but with this lifestyle, she'll remain a 15 year old for a very long time .
being a good daughter doesn't mean you always have to say haan ji haan ji to whatever your parents impose you

29

Re: Help an ABCD please

I would say wait a few days or so until things cool down and then have a sit down with your parents. I think you need to explain what you've been feeling. I don't know if coming up with a compromise will do because of the recent incident, but maybe you can work something out.

My parents were strict too while I was growing up, and at the time I didn't always like it, but now that I'm older, I'm glad for that strictness because it saved me from so many things. The way I handled the strictness was through compromise- I was allowed to go to the movies with my girlfriends just as long as my parents dropped and picked us up. I wasn't allowed to stay over at their houses, but I was able to visit them only AFTER my parents had come to their house and met the family etc.

When you go off to college, you'll definitely have more freedom and will be making many choices-I would recommend you making wise, level-headed decisions.

30

Re: Help an ABCD please

Thank you guys sooooo much for all of your advice and support. It means so much to me. I agree with what many of you said about riding out the storm. I think thats the best thing I can do right now. I know I screwed up but I feel like if I wasn't pushed to such an extreme, I wouldn't have been so tempted to do it. I just hope things are back to normal by the 20th of this month cuz that's when I graduate and I want my mom to be happy for me. Its also really good to know that I'm not the only desi person with such strict parents. Most families in our communities are so liberal and their kids get to pretty much do anything. I even more excited to go away to college after this whole thing. I think what I really need is a chance to be independent and feel like an adult. Someone said in this thread that if I keep obeying my parents I'll be a 15 year old my whole life and that's what I feel like right now. Anyways, thanks again!

31

Re: Help an ABCD please

^ Trust me, even after you're married and have kids (iA) you'll still be treated liek a 15 year old to your parents. By that time though its cute and not as annoying as much. :)

32

Re: Help an ABCD please

hmmm no. i was talking more about that in the sense of controling /telling her what to wear eat go and not go, which friends to make not make etc - 15 year old

that's not healthy at all, i know girls like that and they're completely immature an naive like they're coming straight out of a teletubbies episode

33

Re: Help an ABCD please

I totally disagree with that statement! Obeying your parents doesn't mean you'll be a 15 year old the rest of your life- that's stupid!
It means that you are doing your duty as a child. Respecting your parents within the folds of Islam.

The major sins, which are nine in number are as follows … causing one’s parents to shed tears because of one’s disobedience. Then Ibn ‘Umar said to me. ‘Do you fear the Fire and desire to go to Paradise?’ I replied, ‘Yes, by Allah!’ He said, ‘Are your parents still alive? I replied ‘Only my mother.’ He replied, ‘By Allah, if you speak with her gently and give her food to eat, you will surely enter Paradise if you avoid these major sins*. (Bukhari)

Think twice before disobeying your parents. Trust me on this one. One day they won't be around anymore and you will forever be regretting your actions!

34

Re: Help an ABCD please

again, misinterpreting ...

35

Re: Help an ABCD please

besides your hadith has nothing to do with the issue please don't be out of topic

36

Re: Help an ABCD please

so she must say obey to that too ?

37

Re: Help an ABCD please

^Exactly..

Hinna, duties go both ways. Kids also have rights and **parents aren't allowed to oppress them.. **This seems to be a concept that a lot of desis seem to have trouble understanding. There should be a balance, not just blind obedience..

38

Re: Help an ABCD please

No, stop westernizing islam! :hoonh:

runs

39

Re: Help an ABCD please

CR... the hadith relates to obeying ones parents and the topic is about obeying parents...seems to me they relate to one another :)
And as for actually marrying the girl off, to be honest I think that's just her mom blowing off steam. A civilized conversation between the mother and daughter or another adult can probably clear that up.
Parents and kids have rights..obviously! No one's talking about blind obedience either... if what the parents say is against Islamic principles, the child is to NOT obey.

Ppl here love to over react. Sheesh!

40

Re: Help an ABCD please

Don't understand why parents move out west if they're not going to let their kids integrate in society? That much strictness would cause anyone to rebel.