Hello Girls-Born-Abroad :D *happy thread*

[PunjabiRose]

@Sahar02

I loved to visit Pakistan growing up. I never minded the bathrooms, tummy aches, water issues, chipkalis. I loved sleeping on the floor at my nani’s or cousins’ houses and the madness of “shadi ka ghar”. My brothers and I felt very uncomfortable with the special treatment we got from relatives in Pakistan. We also are awkward around servants, not being used to asking people to do things for us like that. In my teen years and early twenties, trips to Pakistan were also filled with sobs, as relatives I barely knew loved to point out every flaw they noticed. In the US it’s so rare to have people discuss your flaws openly with you; it is only meanspirited. I was constantly embarrassed and hurt, shutting myself up in the bathroom to cry, despite usually being a content and confident person. But I have very strong feelings of love for the lifestyle I encountered in my family in Pakistan; I was married there. When I went back alone a few years later, I was crying and crying to leave; it felt like my actual ruksati. I think I knew I couldn’t visit like that again. During my trip one of my mamoons got his green card call; I knew the spirit of my nani’s house would dwindle as each mamoon slowly migrated and had to deal with struggling in the US. My khalas are still there, as is one phuppo, and lots of extended family.

When I read this part of your post, it felt like I was reading about my own perspectives and experiences!! I luved going to Pakistan as well… still luv it. I try to go every two years and since I mashAllah come from a big family, its hard to coordinate everyone’s schedules together - So I have been going by myself sine I was 13. No one does this unless they truly luv to go to Pakistan But yea, as I got older, the constant critiquing and open discussion of flaws did hurt my feelings often. This was never from my immediate relatives… always more distant ones. My mom says that us kids from the US just do not have much of a hardskin since we are not used to the culture in that way. We take the comments too personally and get emotional. But khair, it still never discouraged me from going back along with all the other issues (staring, loadshedding, the heat, etc.). The luv you get from your immediate relatives is unparallel. And I am sure I am going to be sad like you the next time I go to Pakistan (for my shaadi shopping!!!) … beacuase I know in a way my trips will never be like this again post shaadi.

p.s. I luved reading about your family dynamics Sahar! MashAllah it was very heartwarming! U r such a lucky girl to live so close to your own parents and siblings along with inlaws!