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*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
It's very easy to discuss these hypothetical situations online and say, "oh, I would never .... " or vice versa. But until you find yourself in that situation in real life, when your emotions are invested in the other person and you are both heavily involved with one another and are in love .... you just don't know!
Just a side note ... it is very possible to love somebody unconditionally and care for them without getting married. Not getting married does not translate into abandonment.
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Exactly my point. Why ask such a vague question in a forum and expect it to be discussed usefully when all you say is you are in love and he has diabetes.
Menhaz/Saddazz...so now my question is what if you are in love witha guy with STDs or AIDs contacted through premarital sex? Would you still marry him, considering you are in love and you have emotional investment in the person.
Well, chances are I wouldn't fall "in love" if I knew up front that the other person has AIDS/HIV. If the other person didn't tell me up front, then that's misleading, no? I don't know what I would do if the other person didn't know and just found out though.
It all really depends on how much I truly feel for the other person. Chances are, I would not marry them, but that doesn't mean that I would turn my back on them. Like I said earlier, you don't need to get married to love somebody and always be there for them. Before you ask your next question, "why not just go ahead and marry them then", to me, marriage isn't some joke to be taken lightly. I would have to think about all the people my decision would affect, including my family. Would I knowingly want to be labelled a widow after 3 months or a year? If that makes me selfish, then so be it. Being married or not married isn't really the issue to me cause regardless, I would mostlikely stand by them even if it meant watching them die slowly day after day.
Hahaha yes we are back at the same point because the question is the same just asked in a different manner.
So which part of telling a guy no means standing by them? If a guy said no I would never marry you because of such and suchm but hey I will always be there for you, would that make you feel any better? Would you take that to mean he was standing by you?
Forget AIDS, assume he had a non fatal STD. Will you then marry him? Obviously hes not gonna die. Or say he has something else that would disfigure him over time say 20yrs (kinda the Michael Jackson disease :)). So do you marry him or not (by the way those are two different questions not one).
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by MehnazQ: *
Well, chances are I wouldn't fall "in love" if I knew up front that the other person has AIDS/HIV. If the other person didn't tell me up front, then that's misleading, no? I don't know what I would do if the other person didn't know and just found out though.
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Yeah so for the same reasons I would wanna ask a girl if she was pretty, tall and intelligent upfront as I said in my first post :).
So what if the guy says he doesnt know if he has an STD but hes been with say 20 women in the last 5 yrs. or perhaps just 1 prostitute in the last 20 yrs? And he tells you this at a point that you have put in at least 6 months or more, you "love" him and there is significant emotional investment.
Just trying to find where your boundaries exist and if they all line up straight by the ask him about STDs on the first date/meeting part :)
I’m really surprised you are asking me this again since you’ve already told me that I hold “ridiculous views”.
Pretty much everything has already been discussed here. Read it again if you have forgotten where I stand on the issue.
Just to add: If it really was true love, the absolute love of my life, then maybe I would marry him. Like I said earlier, it all depends on this … is it true love or isn’t it? It is easy to type things here. What we would do in reality is a whole other story.
I dont think you answered any of the questions post falling in love and putting emotional investment into it? Unless I missed that part? Or you just dont think would ever happen since you will have asked him about all these things already and assumed his answers are honest.
let me rephrase the ridiculous term to I think your asnwers show a lack or maturity (or childish nirvana) at these issues and either thats a facade setup for GS or its just you. May I suggest you talk to the women who have gotten married in the last couple of years with a similar background as yours and see what they felt was important and what wasnt and what gets asked and what doesnt. Preferably those that are going through issues now or in the past, so you know what would matter in the long term, when its your time.
LOL! Your answer is precisely why I didn't bother responding to your questions. You have made way too many assumptions about me and I noticed that in the other thread. So now, I just don't bother. :)
so then the question was just a rethorical question and not really meant to be answered. Meaning you didnt really need the answer you just wanted to let everyone know you had a question :).
Well I'm not the one who asked any questions. Sadzzz is the one who opened this thread, not me. Please don't assume to know how I behave or what I do and do not ask when I meet rishtas. You expect black and white answers to these far-fetched hypothetical situations and unfortunately, I'm not able to give you any politically correct answers. It isn't as clear cut and simple as you make it sound. Maybe you see a comparison between physical appearance and STDs, but I don’t. A person doesn’t usually have much control over their physical appearance but they can certainly avoid HIV or STDs. Anyway, perhaps Sadzzz or somebody else will be able to give you answers more to your liking. :)
Everybody has a right to their own views. However, I would really appreciate it if you would refrain from giving me advice on how to go about the whole issue. I am quite well aware of what is appropriate and what isn't. You really don't know anything about me but you are quite good at judging me.
Other than that, I really have nothing else to say to you.
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*Originally posted by irem: *
you guys there was an amitabh and jaya bachan movie, an oldie, where they show that jaya and amitabh like each other but then it is discovered that jaya has cancer and only few days to live...
amitabh still marries her even though she doesn't want him to because she says thats gona spoil his life...but he does coz he loves her and wants to give her some happiness in her last days...in the end she dies...
has anyone seen that movie..? i forgot its name..hmmm
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You know its easy when you sit in front of TV and see a guy or a girl with some sort of a dieases and they wish to go a head and be with that person.
It takes guts, it takes a lot out of you. Something that one has to face with for their entire life. Saying simply " yes" isnt that easy friends. Practically and logically things can be different. Being with them with their ups and downs etc isnt easy.
I have seen a situation with one of my friends. There is a huge risk for her not having any kids. The guy went a head with everything. I asked him why he went a head with marriage. " I find myself incomplete without her. If Allah wants me to have a child it will be with her otherwise i am enough for her".
this has actually been a real issue with us. There are many diabetics in both my and my gf's family, as well as rampant juvenile diabetes cases. So, we are terribly concerned for our baby. Had we known each other's family genetics/illness history prior to intercourse, we might not have gone ahead with the pregnancy. It is a hard decision to turn out a baby that can potentially have a terminal illness. Death, esp. in a child, is terrible to watch.
so, moral of the story is: real life doesn't all boil down to "true love". that's for the movies.
i hope ur better
:k: