diwana
August 9, 2010, 3:05am
48
Re: He is not going to marry you!
I think it was foolish and immature of the woman to get “another person” to initiate such a serious question. Surely, she would have thought to herself before hand how awkward it would be if her boyfriend dodged the question or outright rejected the idea. It seems she didn’t consider the possible consequences of such a question and how embarrassing the response can be for all three parties : 1) the guy 2) the woman 3) the questioner.
The situation sort of reminds me of high school where you get your best friend to “hint or tell” the object of your affection that you have a crush on them…or that you’d like be asked to homecoming dance or prom.
It wasn’t the brightest plan. Plus, I feel that a marriage proposal is such a serious matter…that it’s better discussed b/w the guy and the girl…and their families. A huge social event such as a desi wedding/the conservative culture…where there’s always the risk of gossip with greater consequences for women…is not the best place to bring up such a discussion. Even if the guy did have any intention of marrying her…the question puts him on the spot and can make him uneasy. Some people prefer to discuss such things in a more private setting.
When the girl requested to bring up the question…I think it would have been better to point out the possible outcomes of the question…and maybe suggest to her other ways of discussing the topic of marriage with him (outside of the wedding).
URGH!!!
Ok, I have way too many opinions about this.
If she’s anxious enough to ask a stranger to talk to this guy to get him serious about marrying her, then there are issues in that relationship. She KNOWS he isn’t going to marry her, and he’s just in it for a free ride, and she’s just getting taken advantage of.
I don’t blame her for being with him despite all that. I mean we all have a basic physiologic and psychologic need to have a partner, a friend, a companion of some sort in some sort of fashion. For some of us, that is our sex-in-the-city-we-****-about-men social groups, and for some of us, its being in a transient relationship. Better to be in some sort of relationship where you get some fulfillment than being in no relationship.
Take it from me. I’ve almost never entered a relationship I knew for sure was going anywhere, but I felt that it was better to take at least one chance in life and be disappointed than never having taken a chance. Am I left disappointed each time? Yes. Am I left alone each time? Yes. Do I know that’s my fate? Yes. Do I still smile at the next guy that comes along? Yes.
Because you never know where life will take you.
Having said that, I’m about as stupid as her. I’m a lovesick puppy now for my boss who 1. is not muslim 2. has a gf 3 is ready to move in with her but not marry her, so you can already know what type of guy he is and 4. is smoking hot in terms of his personality and 5. looks like a lizard.
Love. It does **** to you.
Good points. Thanks.
Like I mentioned I was not a total stranger and was the one who introduced both of them to begin with.
They live independantly, not close to respective families at all. Both pofessional.
Before I asked the requested qestion, I had asked, “Are you sure”? I was told yes, since she had sensed lack of communication and wanted to be sure one last time with presence of the third person to be the witness. The desperation was high.
Latest is that both have indicated to me that they are not compatible to each other. The guy has not yet directly told her, can’t find the right words I guess!
My problem now is to find someone good for them.
Well, at least I have another good friend for her who is interested to meet her and she knows about him already.
