he doesn't care

X2 · December 17, 2007, 3:51pm

Re: he doesn't care

"Pasting it on whole' is not right whether its me looking at arranged marriages in Pakistan, or you looking at ppl who date.

The example was illustrative to inquire whatyour definition of 'successful marriage" was. To many a successful marriage is one that does not end in divorce. I think that istrue but not comprehensive enough, there are far too many unsuccessful marriages which hobble on crutches of societal taboos, family expectations, concerns about children, especiallygirls of divorced mother not getting rishtas. etc etc and etc

two points

1) Women had no choice, first they were not independent thatthey could go make it on their own, secondly the societal taboos were not too kind to divorced women, or to their kids.

2) why should women be the only one who sacrifice?

3) sure women are choosy, men have been for decades. Many girls in pakistan dont get married because their family is not rich enough, or they are not fair enough, or slim enough or whatever. Why is it so wrong now if women become picky as well.

personally I believe that desis in general have way too many requirements for their mate. genetic engineering would do well in Pakistan :)

The situation existed before as well. andsociety needs to grow up, many professional girls get married in mid to late 20's. The math is simple, undergrad by 22, masters by 24, a couple years of work experience. it may be diff for doctors due to residency and all.

The point however is that if youhave unrealistic expectations like the guy must look like brad pitt and be an ivy graduare and a multi millinaire who sings songs is a romantic and what nots then its a bit much, but simply looking for someone who has attained same educational level is nothing bad..compared to the meat market and chai parades girls had to put up with. because the society expected them to not meet guys on their own and let family and community help them find a mate, yet the manner in which majority of rishtas were made were on looks, family and recommendations of others. Not a very good way to go.

In the past the demands were mostly from the guys and their sides. Now its also from women.
as far as divorce goes, back in the day women simply did not have a choice, if they were married but had no kids and got divorced, no one would marry a divorcee, her character would be scrutinized, she would not have opportunities to make her own life and be independent and in many cases her parents actively discouraged her because her being divorced would impact the chances of her sisters or nieces getting married. So many women just somehow lived with that.

Now in a time where women can be indeoendent, the societal taboos are decreasing especially in the educated people, if the marriage is not working out, why doit. One of my cousins had an abusive cheating husband. she ditched his butt, and married an excellent guy and has been happily married for 5 years now.

some, not all.
there are many women who want to use their talents and want the intellectual challenge.
People who are against women workign dont complain too much when their daughter has a female teacher, or when they take their wife to a gynecologist they are not too concerned then of somone elses wife/daughter/sister/mother working.

why should she be the only one compromising? especially if the word compromise basically meant that the woman would backdown and do whatever it is that her husband/inlaws etc wanted, in the process year after year due to these influrnces she stopped being who she was what her potential was and turned into this caricature of societal, spousal and family expectations.

and if it is her choice to work? who is someone else to tell her she can not? the same ppl who want women to be at home have an issue when a male doctor needs to inspect their mother/sister/wife/daughter's privates during routine checkups.

anyways this discussion os way beyond this thread and should probably be ina diff thread anyways.