salaam, its been a year of our wedding. and after i got married he went back where he came from b-cuz he could stay long . he would come every 4 month later where i live . now he is here in my city we live toghter. in oor newly weddding days he luves me alot and he was really luving and caring with me, he would give everything wat i wanted and he would take me out every day. but now every single day he fights with me he make fun off me , talks rue and mean to me, doesnt give me respect ,luv me and doesnt care about , and doesnt take me out and doesnt not even give a cent or buy me something. every day and night i cry so much some timez when i cry alot i cant breath properly . he looks at me at starts laughing on me and tells me that im crazy this and that. it hurts me more and more when he tells me. its hard to be a wife. i tell him y r u doing this to me wat did i do to u. i always take care of him luv him alot wat ever he likes or disalike i do it for him. mashallah im a gud wife , but he doesnt c it he doesnt realize. he goes out with his friends and spend time with but when comez home i want talk to him , he tells me i have to go to sleep or i talk alot, or some timez he tells me will talk tomorrow, but he doesnt. may Allah solve my problems. ameen.
Any advise or dua /wazifa. plzzz my bro sis help me. with my problems. life getting hard for me, sometimez i just want quite life or come some where far from him, but i cant i luv him sooo much. wat can i do plzz help. any 1
hey babe
i totally feel for you and hope things get better inshallah.
Dont give up hope .
my mom knows a dua and i will try to find it from her and give it to you
salaam, its been a year of our wedding. and after i got married he went back where he came from b-cuz he could stay long . he would come every 4 month later where i live . now he is here in my city we live toghter. in oor newly weddding days he luves me alot and he was really luving and caring with me, he would give everything wat i wanted and he would take me out every day. but now every single day he fights with me he make fun off me , talks rue and mean to me, doesnt give me respect ,luv me and doesnt care about , and doesnt take me out and doesnt not even give a cent or buy me something. every day and night i cry so much some timez when i cry alot i cant breath properly . he looks at me at starts laughing on me and tells me that im crazy this and that. it hurts me more and more when he tells me. its hard to be a wife. i tell him y r u doing this to me wat did i do to u. i always take care of him luv him alot wat ever he likes or disalike i do it for him. mashallah im a gud wife , but he doesnt c it he doesnt realize. he goes out with his friends and spend time with but when comez home i want talk to him , he tells me i have to go to sleep or i talk alot, or some timez he tells me will talk tomorrow, but he doesnt. may Allah solve my problems. ameen.
Any advise or dua /wazifa. plzzz my bro sis help me. with my problems. life getting hard for me, sometimez i just want quite life or come some where far from him, but i cant i luv him sooo much. wat can i do plzz help. any 1
Sad situation. All my good wishes for you both.
You have not mentioned how long are you married.
More importantly have you given some thought why he might be this way? Not that you have the problem but what do you think his problem might be?
Have you spoken to him about it in serious manner and what was his response?
There are many reasons (right or wrong) for which someone act so bizarre and unusual.
Don't know if anything other than sincere Dua works except really getting to the reason behind his actions and treating it.
May Allah have mercy on you and solve your problems . Ameen. Don't loose hope as yet may be he is having some post marital blues too . He might be thinking that he got married too soon or to a wrong girl. It takes quite some time to decide if the marriage is working or not or is there hope for salvaging it. Involve some friends of his or some elders to find out what is going on with him, why he is behaving this way.
Till we find out what is going on with him it is hard to give any kind of advice to you, other than telling you to have patience.
That is soo easy to say but no one realizes how hard "dumping" can be. In Islam and def. in the Pakistani culture there is no dumping. Most girls have to suck it up and be with their husbands for their families sake. This means so that the family is not badnaamed, the girl continues to be with her husband no matter what because she does not want to bring shame to her family. Of course when it comes to abuse then the girl must take her life seriously and then and only then give up her marriage to save herself. Abuse meaning not just light tapping or anything but actual hitting sad to say. I know the girl shopuld divorce if its bigb life threatning reason but do know that in the Pakistani/Indian culture people talk. A girl in my mosque got divorced and the whole mosque looked down on her and thought less of her. Who knows what really happened but my Mom does. She is very good friends with the guys parents who told her what the girl did. I won;t even start about that. Anyways, see the thing is, in Islam a girl cannot divorce becaase of small matters. She must suck it up and try it out. Soon enough she finds out the first year of marriage was hard and from then on its going to be okay. Not romantic or lovey dovey but okay. I used to think it was so hard and wantyed to quit but stuck it out and its not so bad. I know a girl whose huisband acted like this ones and now after three years of marriage they have been on a few vacations and he treats her much better.
I just want to clarify, that Islam does not like Divorce but even a women has the right to ask for divorce it is called Khula in Islamic dictionary not a Talaq but it is essentialy the same thing and look at the following ahadees there is no metion of life threatning situations for a women to ask for a Khula:
*Partial Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 12: *](http://www.usc.edu/schools/college/crcc/engagement/resources/texts/muslim/hadith/abudawud/satintro.html)
Book 12, Number 2219:
Narrated Habibah, daughter of Sahl al-Ansariyyah:
Amrah, daughter of AbdurRahman ibn Sa’d ibn Zurarah, reported on the authority of Habibah, daughter of Sahl al-Ansariyyah: She (Habibah) was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shimmas. The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) came out one morning and found Habibah by his door.
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said: Who is this? She replied: I am Habibah, daughter of Sahl. He asked: What is your case? She replied: I and Thabit ibn Qays, referring to her husband, cannot live together.
When Thabit ibn Qays came, the Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said to him: This is Habibah, daughter of Sahl, and she has mentioned (about you) what Allah wished to mention.
Habibah said: Apostle of Allah, all that he gave me is with me.
The Apostle of Allah (peace_be_upon_him) said to Thabit ibn Qays: Take it from her. So he took it from her, and she lived among her people (relatives).
Book 12, Number 2220:
Narrated Aisha, Ummul Mu’minin:
Habibah daughter of Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qays Shimmas He beat her and broke some of her part. So she came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) after morning, and complained to him against her husband. The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) called on Thabit ibn Qays and said (to him): Take a part of her property and separate yourself from her. He asked: Is that right, Apostle of Allah? He said: Yes. He said: I have given her two gardens of mine as a dower, and they are already in her possession. The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: Take them and separate yourself from her.
Book 12, Number 2221:
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas:
The wife of Thabit ibn Qays separated herself from him for a compensation. The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) made her waiting period a menstrual course.
^ Good. Do the best you can. Very difficult solution but if there is no other way then walk out the door. Just don't keep lingering on to the person.
Shedding tears for someone not realizing your value just does not worth it.
Now no one should :
1- Take revenge by making his life miserable by sticking around.
2- Try to get benefit like visa/education/money or something for revenge and, then leave the guy.
Both actions will make the person just as bad as he is.
its a very difficult situation indeed.May Allah reduce ur pain.May b u should worry less abt his behaviour n care for urself more.fulfill ur duties n ignore his comments.get urself busy find a job,do a course.do yoga to relief stress and stick to ur namaz.i’m attaching a link.its has lots of gud wazaifs n duas to develop love b/w couples. Good Matrimonial Relationship
n yes stop crying n showing ur weak self. u r not worthless.if he doesn’t respect u keep ur self respect n sanity intact.for every negative comment smile or return one positive comment.praise him a lot.may b he’ll b ashamed n revise his attitude.one more thought do consult some Islamic scholar for bandish.If thats not the case hang in there with saber n duas n Allah will make things better for u
When I read the title, I thought “Oh God, this must be really really bad”. But it doesn’t seem too bad, having read other horror stories in Life1. So since he isn’t cheating on you or doing drugs, consider yourself very, very lucky. :halo:
On a more serious note, stop doing what I’ve highlighted in bold.
You say he doesn’t talk to you or spend time with you enough - that’s really unfortunate but it shouldn’t make someone’s life really hard and painful - it’s easily changeable.
The only alarming thing I see here is that when you are crying, he laughs at you and calls you crazy. So, guess what, from now on do not cry in front of him and he won’t call you crazy.
Are you working at all? Do you have a job? Friends? Family in the area at all? What do you do throughout your day? How do you feel about yourself these days?
Do you have an education? Use it!
If you spend your whole day taking care of your husband and tending to his needs, he will never think of you as his wife. He will think of you as his work horse. Sorry, its true.
A wife doesnt have to be a sari-bound, cooking, cleaning and baby making machine. She can and needs to be so much more now. Ask around on GS, there are SOOOOOOOO many women on here who are working/stay at home mothers/wives. Start paying attention to your life and what you have going on for yourself. If you have nothing but a husband to show for your day, then we have a problem.
Make friends, take some classes, get a job, get a makeover - some drastic haircut/color, start volunteering somewhere, etc. He will respect you more if you have your own life and accomplishments.
Yes, he is treating you badly these days but how do you treat yourself? Do you give yourself the importance and respect you deserve? If you dont, then you cant expect him to.
Dear n glove
it’s quite sad understandably that u r going thru difficult times, but time is not static, hopefully things will improve for best.
Psquared has already given u an excellent and practical advice
What I would suggest is that u must speak to ur hubby in the first place, ask him why he is behaving like this to u. How he is at the moment treating u, is in many cultures, regarded as abuse which is nothing but a harsh word for disrespect u could say. Maybe ur husband is himself stressed abt something, which is making way out like this
U haven’t mentioned which country u live in. I am asking this because from ur writing, it is evident thst u r understandably stressed/anxious and urself need to speak to someone dear and reliable, whom u could confide in, someone u could share the entire circumstances in detail and seek help. Like ur family/friends/close relatives. If u r in a foreign country, like the UK, u could speak frankly with a nice GP who would be understanding towards u and support u. It’s like counselling u could say, coz as what is evident from ur post, u cry because ur mind is worried/stressed/anxious. U won’t be like essentially referred to domestic violence groups or something, no no !
And ofcourse, go out of the house, even for a part time job kind of thing. It will divert ur mind, give u fnancial stability esp when ur hubby isn’t ur provider, in many occasions when wives r not dependant on the lesser half, they earn more respect from them.
please stop depending on your husband to make you happy.....become independent and make a life that is not entirely depandant on someone else.............
i wud love to hear from you after u have made changes in your outlook as to how your husband's behaviour has changed or not changed.
dear at times one is forced to do so. what if u live at such a place where u can't work without ur husband's support and he has too be involved. at times changes don't leave any positive mark at ur life. things remain the same.
the best way is to start ignoring ur husband by staying quiet and responding in only yes and no, take interst in ur kids or anything which can let the time go. don't pretend to be always there whenever he wants. don't show that u love him a lot, do leave him wen he needs u as at many times missing u can also prove fruitful. just stay calm and pretend ignoring him. men r very curious if their wives ignore them. don't give him the due attention. he will come back.
why dont you try ignoring him, go to your parents for a few days see how things are and if his still the same you have to involve elders to talk to him ask him why is he behaving like this OMG he sounds so mean and horrible i use to have nightmares about me crying and my hubby laughing at me thank god thay were just dreams but its happening with you i feel sorr for you my sis i hope everything goes well for you.
^ Im sorry, I dont mean to be rude but I dont think going to her parents' home is a good idea. That might create a void between them that will lead to other problems. She has to stay there, create her life and space within the marriage.
If you're on good terms with your husband, its different. He will definitely miss you and want you to come home.
But SOMETIMES when you're on bad terms, that gap in communication leads to other issues.
but now every single day he fights with me he make fun off me , talks rue and mean to me, doesnt give me respect ,luv me and doesnt care about , and doesnt take me out and doesnt not even give a cent or buy me something.
Every marriage has it's ups and down phase. Try to find out, what's bugging him about you? Why would he laugh at you? Why is he rude and does not respect?
Sometimes, we "read" people wrong - because we want too much attention (or little more attention than what we get). If we don't get full attention - we tend to think of all possibilities out there that are negative.
One year might seem like a long time for a marriage - but really it's still in the beginning phase. Find out if he is trying to get away from you? Let him know about what he says upsets you.
Sometimes good communication is all that is needed.
