I am planning on getting married early next year and recently bought a home in the DC suburbs. My fiancee does not want to move out there as she works in DC and the commute for her would be an hour or so whereas now she lives right next to work. I bought a house in the suburbs because like any metro area, house prices in the urban core are ridiculously expensive, but its not like the house I bought was cheap either. Anyways, she says I should put the place up for rent and the money I make from it we should rent an apartment in DC. I am cool with that but sometimes renters don’t work out, you can’t find renters and they can damage your house and since this is a new home I have apprehensions about renting it out. I gave her several options of driving her to work since I work from home, or helping her find a job in a more closer area, telling her to ask if she can ask her boss to telecommute, or she can take public transport.
My question is, do any of you girls have a long commute? Would you commute an hour or so if you lived far from your work? What would you do?
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Renting a house is not easy these days as she thinks it is. It can become a nightmare if you hit a nasty tenant who actually may look very sweet in the begining. It may cost you money and time so its always a gamble.
Try to talk it out and i think commuting is a better option and yes these days most employers let work from home atleast 1-2 days a week.
I'm not sure how's the train system in DC? Btw I just read your last statement and you might have asked girls only but anywaz I put up my two cents here :)
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Oh I do agree with you....dealing with renters and all will be an un-necessary headache, and how much would you be putting out for apartment rent?
Prior to having children my commute was 2 hours a day. 1 hour each way. I bussed to work most days especially in winter but occasionally drove as well (45 mins each way)
It was a pain in the neck but there was no other way, finding work closer to home wasn't an option since we lived in a small town
Tell your girl to buck up and get on with it :)
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
If u r not planning an immediate pregnancy it shud not be an issue, an hour commute is usual.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
1) No, I would not commute 1 hour or so from work each way (so its really 2 hours+ everyday!) if I can avoid it. My current commute is about 20-30 min. and I get annoyed by it.
2) Is your fiancé's problem driving or the time itself? You offered to drive her since you work from home BUT if the issue is timing, then this option does not work.
3) My husband & I have a rental property. We have a company that charges very little to take care of everything. They find the renter, do ALL background checks, collect rent on time, take care of any maintenance communication etc. Our renters are a professional couple in their 30's (she's a nurse, he's in medical research). So far no issues (they're on their 2nd year).
Yes there are times renters don't work but but many times they do. There are precautions you take before choosing someone such as criminal/credit check, taking a security deposit, choosing who you rent to etc. Since this house is in the suburb, its not like you're going to rent this to college kids holding parties every weekend.
I think in this situation, its very easy for you to give her "options" b/c you work from home so this doesn't make any difference in your daily schedule. And while her finding a job closer, asking boss to telecommute, or taking public transport all sounds reasonable…..to me it makes no sense b/c in this situation, there is a CHOICE to make life easier (ie. living closer to her work).
4) Question: You said you bought the house recently. Did you discuss the location of the house with her BEFORE purchasing it?
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
long commutes are very common these days. My longest was an hour each way also. These days its about 25 minutes each way.
a few things to keep in mind.
long commutes tire the driver out and are stressful.
they cut significantly into "off" time, so depending on the work hours ... there is less time to relax, do chores/cook, go out, couple time .... and is even harder if/when there are kids involved.
more you drive, more likely to get into accidents. There is more car maintenance (cracked windshields, puncture tires, radiators) and of course cost of gas.
buying a house is a huge decision that really should be made with mutual consent of its long term occupants. if this home was bought with her agreement and knowledge then her complaints now are unfair. If you bought it without consulting her then her concerns are valid. either ways ... talk it out.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
If I was a newlywed without kids, and living in a small place close in was an option, I'd probably prefer a short commute too (and the liveliness that comes with living in/near the city). 2 hours a day tires you out and makes it hard for you to socialize and be flexible on weekdays. Is the relationship/engagement pretty recent that you bought the home without consulting her? Do you have a lot of family/friends that will visit you regularly for which you will require the extra space? Do you entertain large groups regularly? Do you work out in the suburbs?
The good news is that in the DC area there are a lot of renters as many jobs are transient based on the administration. I'd put it up for rent and see what happens. If you can get a good price and rent it to a family that seems trustworthy, then try it for a year. If not then try out the longer commute.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Long commutes are common but not easy on the nerves. I commuted for years - one hour or so each way and eventually you get very frustrated because the amount of time spent on the road. During the winter months, make it double. If public transport, you miss a train and your evening is shot.
My commute right now is 20 minutes...its heaven after those years of train rides and traffic jams.
What Paheli said...did you guys talk about location before buying this house?
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Sell the house. Buy an apartment.
or
Break engagement.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
I used to live at a 25 min driving distance from work and it was amazing. Then my family moved and the commute time (and insurance) has doubled. Driving during rush hour is no fun, especially in the winter. It's also not so easy to just switch jobs. If it's a cashier job at a McDonald's, then sure find another location closer to home. But if it's a job in your field there are so many factors to take into account before deciding to leave.
Another thing to consider is the house maintenance if it's just the two of you who will be living there. As a newly wed couple, an apartment or condo might be easier to manage on a daily basis.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Rent it out.
Its easy and hassle free these days with property management companies around. You dont have to do anything other than signing an agreement with them. They will advertise it, screen potential tenants, doing background checks, rent it and will be responsible for maintenance, inspections and rent collection. They charge one time fee (normally half or full first month rent) and then nominal monthly charges (such as 5%-10%) of monthly rent. I rented out my house even when I was not in the country. I don’t even know who the tenants are to this day (they are in house for more than a year now) and rent is deposited on 10th of every month in my account.
This is a VERY small price to pay to make your wife-to-be happy and let her carry on her career. Ibteda-e-ishq hai rota hai kia…aagay aagay daikheyee hota hai kia
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
LOL @ ibteda-e-ishq .... :D so true.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
If it would take me an hour coming and going I'm going to hit the sack as soon as I come home. No hello, no goodbye, just Zzzz.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
You cant really say I commute, because I work in the same city as I live, but I do use public transport. And at my last job I would take a 25 minute bus into Town, and then a seperate (never on time) ~40 minute bus ride right to my work place. It wasn't ideal, but I did get into a comfortable routine (that was probablyhelped by the fact that my employer was quite chilled and not upset about me turning up late every now and then) but if the job was one I really enjoyed or needed, then I would definitely be open to that again.
Also (this is probably going to be an unpopular opinion) I think that its more important for the person who spends more hours at home to like the house more...
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Correct me if I'm wrong, based on comments, it seems like commutes aren't very long in America, whereas in the uk or at least in london people expect to commute into central london as both buying and renting are very expensive. My longest commute was 1 and 1/2 hour each way, that's without train issues. I did it for 3 years, even while pregnant. I don't really see the issue with commuting, my current commute is 1 hour and when looking for work this time that was my limit, and was so glad to get a job that's 1 hour commute door to to door each way, though I leave earlier as I drop my son off too nursery. I don't think an hours commute is that big a deal,must totally doable even when running a house or with a young family. I've even done a 1 and 1/2 hour commute with a 2 year old to consider, now that I would say is too long.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
^ People do long commutes. For 2 years I did 1.5 hours one way because we love the place we live but I loved the job I worked at :)
I know people who drive to work almost 100 miles one way, every day.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Correct me if I'm wrong, based on comments, it seems like commutes aren't very long in America, whereas in the uk or at least in london people expect to commute into central london as both buying and renting are very expensive. My longest commute was 1 and 1/2 hour each way, that's without train issues. I did it for 3 years, even while pregnant. I don't really see the issue with commuting, my current commute is 1 hour and when looking for work this time that was my limit, and was so glad to get a job that's 1 hour commute door to to door each way, though I leave earlier as I drop my son off too nursery. I don't think an hours commute is that big a deal,must totally doable even when running a house or with a young family. I've even done a 1 and 1/2 hour commute with a 2 year old to consider, now that I would say is too long.
If you don't mind the commute it's fair enough but if someone actually had the choice and would rather not commute there's nothing wrong with that either.. Of course it also depends on the job (for ex what the poster above has said) and the individual themselves, how much stress they'd be under overall.. I personally wouldn't be up for 3 hours commuting a day..
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
Correct me if I'm wrong, based on comments, it seems like commutes aren't very long in America, whereas in the uk or at least in london people expect to commute into central london as both buying and renting are very expensive. My longest commute was 1 and 1/2 hour each way, that's without train issues. I did it for 3 years, even while pregnant. I don't really see the issue with commuting, my current commute is 1 hour and when looking for work this time that was my limit, and was so glad to get a job that's 1 hour commute door to to door each way, though I leave earlier as I drop my son off too nursery. I don't think an hours commute is that big a deal,must totally doable even when running a house or with a young family. I've even done a 1 and 1/2 hour commute with a 2 year old to consider, now that I would say is too long.
people most definitely have long commutes in my part of USA but i dont know of anyone who actually prefers it. people do it when they dont have a choice.
also as deeba said .... depends on the job. My work day for example is 12 hrs long ... add two hrs or more for commuting and it becomes a no no for me.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
I have a 40 minute commute door to door. 10 extra minutes for picking my kid from daycare. I dont think its bad at all. But then ive always had a 30+ minute commute whenever ive been in school or working. Ive never had the luxury of living close to work so I wouldnt know what im missing out on. But if the commute is over an hour each way yhen that must get exhausting I guess. Im wondering why this topic wasnt discussed with your fiance prior to you buying a house.
Re: Having pre-wedding fight with fiancee
I hate long commutes and would not give up a short commute for a long one if I had a choice.