If you don't mind the commute it's fair enough but if someone actually had the choice and would rather not commute there's nothing wrong with that either.. Of course it also depends on the job (for ex what the poster above has said) and the individual themselves, how much stress they'd be under overall.. I personally wouldn't be up for 3 hours commuting a day..
I totally get what you're saying, of course it's personal preference, I'm not saying my preference is right, because there is no right or wrong, just that it can work and I don't see the big deal. I've also lived in central london but would never consider doing that again, even if it does mean a 20 minute commute, because I hate the traffic, parking issues, how crowded trains and buses are all the time, and the generally more crowded areas. Each to their own. :)
I used to commute 2 hours daily for school.
A friend of mine used to commute 2.5 hours daily for work and my cousin commutes 2 hours daily for her work.
A family friend (uncle) used to commute 11.5 hours weekly for 8 years for his work.
Its not the ideal situation to be in and I would avoid it. Time spent driving is very unproductive. You can't do much as you need to pay attention on the road. Gas prices are raging and will continue to rise so that's another con to the situation. Also, the drive makes you exhausted and it takes away the extra energy you would have to spend time with your family or get involved in other things.
Renting isn't too bad. Depends on the tenants. Maybe check up on them often and have strict rules and expectations for them to follow if you fear they might be reckless.
We had a family friend who bought a house here and went back to the UAE to work. They rented the house for 2 years. They had their relatives check up on the tenants and collect the payment and after 2 years the house was fine. The family who was renting was white with 2 small kids but they seemed to have no problems at all.
longevity of any relationship depends on compromise.
anyways she should make a fuss about it and in the end surrender to your wishes (to be in your good books ;)).
as for you, get some place in the main city so all the restaurants, grocery shops, shopping malls, art gallery are on a walking distance. it will be even better if it is furnished so you dont have to buy anything and can move to some other place any time you want to. just dont forget to discuss this furnished apartment idea with her since many girls dont entertain this idea.
When we first got married my husband insisted on living with his parents to save up money for a house. At that time he said it would only be for 6 months to a year....so several fights later I agreed to it (he really gave me no choice). Well 5 years and almost 2 kids later WE ARE STILL HERE! It doesn't matter as much now because I don't work any more, but I commuted 2 hours each way for a total of 4 hours a day for the first 3 years of my marriage. It was NOT easy. I was EXHAUSTED by the time I got home. I hated it. We fought A LOT about this. I totally RESENT him for doing this to me.
As others here are suggesting ... this may be a power struggle ... If you were engaged before you bought the place then she should have been consulted and participated in the purchase or else it sets a precedence that you will take important decisions on your own. She may actually not have a major problem with the house or location or travel time, and her protest may actually be a way for her to voice a bit of power back.
I would apologise about the house and own up that you made a major failing in not consulting her. Show her the place and see if she likes it. You might be able to win her around ... good luck.
I just remembered one ex engaged couple who broke up solely over their living arrangements. The guy bought a flat without asking his fiancé. Massive fight because the girl wanted something different and combining their finances could have bought something larger. So moral of the story is living arrangements are a huge part of day to day existence and if even one party is unhappy the resentment will keep growing.
I think the gist of what everyone is saying is...even if she agrees to it somehow...it will wear her down and grate on her nerves. Every time she gets home late from work, she will think about it. The resentment builds up and leads to stupid fights that can be avoided easily.
I just remembered one ex engaged couple who broke up solely over their living arrangements. The guy bought a flat without asking his fiancé. Massive fight because the girl wanted something different and combining their finances could have bought something larger. So moral of the story is living arrangements are a huge part of day to day existence and if even one party is unhappy the resentment will keep growing.
LOL reminds me of a story about this guy who used to work in my group. He and his g/f decided to move in together and he found a house, and her couch wouldn't fit in through the front door so she broke up with him. I had to keep from laughing when he told me the story :/
I would apologise about the house and own up that you made a major failing in not consulting her. Show her the place and see if she likes it. You might be able to win her around ... good luck.
I agree it is a power play, but disagree about on apologize bit. Acknowledge that you made a mistake not consulting her, but there is no need to apologize. This will define what your relationship will be like going forward. Unfortunately, there will be resentment no matter how you go about it. The commute portion is just a side-show.
I agree it is a power play, but disagree about on apologize bit. Acknowledge that you made a mistake not consulting her, but there is no need to apologize. This will define what your relationship will be like going forward. Unfortunately, there will be resentment no matter how you go about it. The commute portion is just a side-show.
The resentment may be short lived if an apology is given. The mistake deserves an apology. The future will have to be decided on its own merit ... I do agree that it will define the relationship ... But the power play here by the girl is not about dominance it is about not being over dominated ... I also did say try to win her around by showing the place ... And being nice to her in other ways ... A good excuse could be he got the house like a surprise gift ... And didn't realise at the time that it was something they should have done together.