Having kids

Lifestyle Health & Fitness
1

So a friend of mine has 3 daughters. She had a fourth a few months ago and lost her at 2 months due to multiple genetic disorders and a failed heart surgery.

I met her yesterday and she is considering having another child. I personally feel it is due to pressures of producing a son.

She is in her early thirties, not fit at all. Personally I would not recommend having another baby as first of all, there is no guarantee that she will have a son :smack: and because she is really not healthy. I know it is her personal choice but she is asking some close friends for their suggestions.

Please share your views.

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Re: Having kids

What does her husband have to say about this?

3

I think three kids are enough masha-Allah. She has blessed with kids, she has to thank Allah.

So my opinion is that they both have to think about this matter she has to take care of her health. Allah gave his rehmat to them and they have to give better life to them, no other try for a son.

Saat baar looti gai Dilli
4

Re: Having kids

Does she not realize that she needs her health to look after her kids??

5

Re: Having kids

Belle, I am really not sure about her husband's views so I cannot say. She never criticizes her in laws or her husband and has never complained. But I sensed a hesistation in her about going for another baby.

6

Adra, I explained to her about being healthy as it is not just a responsibility but a need. She just listened and had nothing to say.

Many desi women like to be martyrs. Why the need? A healthy mom is a happy mom.

7

Re: Having kids

She is being unfair to her daughters.

BRIDAL PICS.
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Re: Having kids

Yeah I agree.

She has put on so much weight...she has 3 daughters 6-4-2 and one that just passed away. She never recovered from any of her pregnancies and the weight just piled on. She has developed so many medical issues. She is so young and she can hardly get up from sitting on the ground without support. I wish I could make her understand.

BRIDAL PICS.
9

Re: Having kids

As one who battled with infertility (and all the mean but well-intended comments that came with it), I have to say that she needs support of family and friends NO MATTER WHAT she decides to do next. 3 children may be enough for most of us but perhaps not for her. I myself have 3 and have pondered whether to have a 4th because I would so much love to have a girl. But unless I won lotto, its not something that we can afford alas. ANYway, the gal has enough to deal with, dont make it harder for her by telling her not to have another if this is what she wants. Just be there for her.

10

Re: Having kids

Gosh I feel for this woman..... In order to produce a son she has put herself through pregnancy after pregnancy regardless of her health. At the end I don't see it as her fault though. She has given in to the ridiculous demands of desi society.

Who came up with this rule "one must have a son" anyway? :o

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Re: Having kids

MO3, I wish she was certain about what she wants :bummer: but her skepticism and fears are what made me talk it out with you guys. If she was confident, then hey, she’s got my support. But I know she knows there’s a big fear factor in terms of health. I hope the best for her anyways.

Sajal, though she has never said she wants a son, I know it’s the reason because when she was pregnant, all the ladies would say Allah karey beta ho and she’d reply by saying aap dua karein…so yes, you know our desi culture.

I hope she has a healthy baby if she does decide to go for it, and before that, she needs to get back in good health herself.

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**Husbands ko pyda kerny perty n aphir patta chalta. Yeh husband n achahy tu koi orat aik bacha bhi pyda nahi ker sakti or agar husband lin elagan chahy u woh inkar nahi ker sakti.
Oper sy ahadees ban arakhi hain ky ju orat bacha pyda kerty mar gai shaheed hy:D Ab os ky bachon ka kiy a hoo ga woh mar gai tu koi nahi sochta n ayeh bywaquf oratin sochti hain:chai:
**

13

Re: Having kids

I feel so sorry for this woman....:(

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Re: Having kids

I understand where she's coming from...I have 3 beautiful boyz and I do count my blessings. I would really love to have a little girl too though. But aside from the fact that it would be insane for me to have another, I honestly dont think it would happen. I had 2 miscarriages - one a girl for sure and the other likely a girl. I think that for some reason, I just cant have girls. With your friend, perhaps she is not able to have boys. I have no science to back me up here, only what I suspect....

Maybe tell her this. That if she has another one, her chances of having another girl are enourmous. I hope she will be able to focus on regaining better health but perhaps she needs some help there? Post-partum depression can be a big factor here and with the death of her baby, I imagine she must be very sad. Maybe you could suggest that she have a long talk with her doc about the whole thing - a good doc would also tell her to regain better health before making a decision to try again. You risk the health of a developing baby if you arent a healthy mom.

Prayers for her!

~*~ Time Pass June 2012 ~*~
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Re: Having kids

losing a baby is such a traumatic experience, no wonder she's hesitant to try for a 4th one! as much as she might be feeling the pressure to have a son, if she's isn't healthy herself, she's going to put strain on both of them. i think you should be honest and share your POV with her niks, but also let her know that its her decision ultimately and while you may not think it the wisest, as her friend, you will support her unequivocally regardless of her decision. i think its the best, and pretty much only thing, you can do in this situation.

~*~ Time Pass June 2012 ~*~
16

Is it the husband who is expressing his desire for a son, or herself, or some other family?

This thing about wanting son's is so much rubbish. In Pakistan this desire for a son is RIFE. This coming from a so called Islamic country, people should know better than that.

Let me share with u a real story. I visited a friend of my husbands and got talking to his brother's wife. She had 2 girls, and recently she had a son. Upstairs lived the other brothers wife, she had 1 son, who was about 5 years old. No other children.

So this woman who had recently had the baby son told me "Yes, i had 2 girls, and when i was pregnant with this baby, i consulted with my FIL and i requested him to declare, that if this baby turns out to be a girl, the upstairs SIL will have to give me her son and take my new baby daughter."

I was gobsmacked, but the lady was quite adamant. I said what about the upstairs SIL, how on earth did she feel that u were going to take her son away? She looked at me like how can u even consider how she would feel, i was the one without a son!

Unbelievable. And the thing is, if the baby really had turned out to be a girl, i know that that would have swapped it with the SILs son for real. Has anyone else ever heard of this kind of swapping?

Another ridiculous but TRUE story is that of a woman who had 2 daughters, then 1 son, followed by another 3 daughters. They kept having babies in the hope that they would have another son.

When the lady was pregnant with her 7th child, her husband told her, if this child is not a son, we must give it away after it is born. I have heard that after u do this, the next child to be born after that will definitely be a son. Luckily for the child, it was a son.

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Re: Having kids

^that’s mind boggling!

something similar happened in a family I know that used to be our neighbors, the couple had 2 daughters already and were trying for another baby(wishing for a son!!) and the man had a sister who is quite rich but childless and she demanded that if their next child was a boy then it should be given to her and it was a boy so they had to give it away. They also had another baby, again a daughter. I’m sure they’re gonna try for a son again. stupid people!! :rolleyes:

18

Well if she doesn't want to have more babies then she needs to talk to her husband about it. You giving her advise is not going to change her husband's mind.

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Re: Having kids

well my wife is doctor, in her experience, she observed during working in gynaecology if a couple give a 3-4 years gap people who had girls happen to have baby boy. on the same note who continues without a gap again have baby girl.

so suggest her this, this will in turn give her some health boost and need time to recover and may increase chances of having a baby boy.

20

i remember someone posting abt this once a long time ago, she was saying that her in laws were pressuring her to give up her child to her nand

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