Unfortunately there is a trend nowadays among young desi women raised in the West to “keep” their spouses/“tie” their husbands to them by having children right away after marriage. It’s sad because 1) there is apparently a lack of trust in the relationship and 2) there is still no guarantee after having children that the spouse may or may not leave the marraige for whatever reason. I’ve noticed this happen to two young women in our community and rumor has it that they had their kids to make sure that their respective spouses don’t wander off. For the couples’ sake, I hope these are just silly rumors and nothing more.
my friend admitted she had her first child to keep the marriage together.. its sad... but it worked.
sweetpie, what's wrong with that? the poor woman is just trying to keep the family together. i sympathise with her.
^ So you see what I'm saying? Why are Pakistani young women so darned insecure to do something so totally insecure like that? I think it's a shame!
well most of the girls i know had their kids first year of their marriage, not because they want to save marriages, but because they both wanted kids and start a family :-)
i dont think its insecurity and its not always the women's choice.... a lot of the times this happens amongst young couples who have gone against their parents and had a 'love' marriage..
sometimes couples have a joint decision to have kids so their marriage can get stronger... as in my friends case... pressure from both sides of the family telling them that the marriage wouldnt last... prompted them to have a kid...
its not a bad thing.... children are a sign of love, a sign of togetherness and thats what marriage is about... having children doesnt mean insecurity... its more like making the commitment even stronger
Well suroor, that is a different thing but having kids to keep a marriage together for the girl's own insecurity is like "using" the child-to-be-born for this reason. It just isn't the right thing to do.
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*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
my friend admitted she had her first child to keep the marriage together.. its sad... but it worked.
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^ so is she happy now??
agree with sadzzz
I think Pakistani women that are raised in the West need to get their sh!t together before jumping into marriage to start with. Once that bridge is crossed, then they need to think about children as the logical next step. It's called acting logically with some level of maturity towards the notion of marriage and children. Jumping into a marriage with blinders on and waiting to see how things turn out with the spouse and then on top of that, getting pregnant right off the bat to hold the marriage together is fooling yourself.
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*Originally posted by Nutz: *
^ so is she happy now??
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yeah they have two beautiful daughters Mashallah... even though the second was unexpected..
sweetpie... i dont think its using a child.. its about making the bond stronger... and a lil human being who u and ur spouse have created together is pure magic... maybe it is selfish... i dunno
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*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
I think Pakistani women that are raised in the West need to get their sh!t together before jumping into marriage to start with. Once that bridge is crossed, then they need to think about children as the logical next step. It's called acting logically with some level of maturity towards the notion of marriage and children.
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its not just the west.... marriages everywhere are rocky to begin with. Its not pure bliss right from the start.. these things take time... i dunno im not married.. but i know from my married friends, its not easy... here or back in pakistan
I think their American counterparts are even more insecure. They like to have children before getting married. As my buddy Uff would say, "So What".
^ I guess so sadz, and although marriages of our parents' generation were much more rock solid than today's marriages, still I think it's so important to know your spouse well before jumping into having a child. What if you have a child to "keep" your husband and he is still ready to divorce you or to run off for whatever reason? You're screwed then either way, right? I guess in a way, it's a risk one takes as well. Let's face it, there is no sure shot way of guaranteeing your spouse's future actions no matter what. Human nature dictates that.
when our parents got married... they really didnt think out of the circle.. as i was discussing this with someone yesterday... there was no independant thinking..
these days... there is no boundary basically, everything goes... sometimes its not even bout knowing ur spouse.. u may have known them for a decade before u get married, but the relationship most of the time changes once u tie the knot..
Sweetpie, another reason for getting pregnant on wedding night could be lack of communication beforehand. Also, average age of marrying girls is now increasing and women are not left with more than a 5 to 10 years of getting pregnant.
^ yeah exactly.... these days girls are getting married at 27+ ages... and so they're basically getting pregnant cus they have no other choice
^ sadz, I must say, that is a very narrow way of looking at things. Your assumptions may apply to some women in that age group but definitely not all.
Funguy, actually the latest stats suggest that once again as in the 1970s, the trend is radically shifting towards guys and girls marrying at younger ages, as in early 20s.
Don't say that Shweeto. Hum jaisay kia karain gay....Abhi to hamnay bohat kuch karna hai, abhi daikha he kia hai.......
Sweetpie, he's gonna be a father now so leave him ALONE...