- was reading studies which showed that as the couple gets older..the problems the child could have start increasing. *
Thats true, the risk of downs syndrome increase significantly...
biologically the best age for a woman to have children is 24
In Holland women aged over 36 and pregnant are offered to be screened during pregnancy cuz of a higher risk of having a kid with Down's syndrome
well i am young mom of three kids , I got my son when i was 19 and was not mature at all , khushkismati se i had my mother there for help me so didnt had any problems :-)
I think the best age is 25-30 .
My mom was 21 when she had me and in her mid 30s when she had my youngest sibling. I'm one of four and my parents have done a great job of raising us. Growing up we didn't want for anything. My dad was already well-established with a good career when I was born. I see them and the way their lives are in reference to their kids, and I admire the example of waiting until the right point in life to have children. Right now, I feel as though I am at a stage where marriage seems like a very attractive option. If anyone had asked me in my early 20s, definitely not but now more than even, when I'm in my late 20s, marriage has become a priority--trying to get married!--and having children in the next few years is definitely looking good the more I move along on the age spectrum.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
My mom was 21 when she had me and in her mid 30s when she had my youngest sibling. I'm one of four and my parents have done a great job of raising us. Growing up we didn't want for anything. My dad was already well-established with a good career when I was born. I see them and the way their lives are in reference to their kids, and I admire the example of waiting until the right point in life to have children. Right now, I feel as though I am at a stage where marriage seems like a very attractive option. If anyone had asked me in my early 20s, definitely not but now more than even, when I'm in my late 20s, marriage has become a priority--trying to get married!--and having children in the next few years is definitely looking good the more I move along on the age spectrum.
[/QUOTE]
It sounds like you are giving up…u r leaning towards 'settling down' soon...and apparently without any candidate in the picture. Well, good luck but I would hate to see you ‘settle’ for someone less than ur ideal (or what ever u call it)..and I think the whole gupshup knows you can do as good as Jennifer Anniston. So whats the game plan? How are we gonna do so much in so little time? Don't give joRay asmano pur buntay hain bollywood stuff....lez get up & do something! shall we...
Don’t know if you’re being sarcastic or not Boss, but nevertheless I am absolutely NOT “settling” for any man, need I repeat that once more? I would never “settle,” nor am I giving up, as you put it. However, I DO want to “settle down” (get married) fairly soon. I know, the semantics of “settling” and “settling down” can be confusing to some.
Sweetie, I think personally that once you and your spouse are prepared for children in your marriage, then you are ready. Who cares if that is at 21, 25 or 30? You must trust yourself - not all of us!hehe What do we know? ;) By the way, my cousin's Mum was 34 when she had him and he was just fine. My own grandparents waited for 8 years to be blessed with children - she was 38 and my grandpa was 49! (But that is a little extreme)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by anahndi: *
Sweetie, I think personally that once you and your spouse are prepared for children in your marriage, then you are ready. Who cares if that is at 21, 25 or 30?
[/QUOTE]
I agree :)
It's nothing wrong if you want a kid at your 30th.
But in my vieuw is late im 25 now and i really want
a baby now and maybe i want my second child if i'm
30.
Once i see a the talkshow Oprah Winfery and a doctor tell
her if u begin late with having baby's that it is very difficult to
get pregnant.
She also said ( the doctor) that it is good to start with baby s
when ur age is at 25 .
So thats my opinion.
Allah Hafiz.
Nilu
having children at a very young or old age can be equally dangerous...
'Studies have shown that children of teen mothers(under 19) are at greater risk for lower birth weights, lower cognitive scores, and school failure"(from GAO report)
IMO, it's best to have kids after at least two years of marriage. I guess, that would be enough time for me to adjust with my husband and also save some money for future...:)
Originally posted by Changez_like: *
*
I personally think having kids earlier is a good thing, specially for the kid. You can have more physically activities with him/her. You shouldn't have to worry near retirement that you still have to pay for your child's education or get him/her married etc. All of it should be completed when you are 50/55.**
okay lemme run these numbers backwards a bit..
if you have a kid when you are 30, by the time you hit 55 the kid is 25, and done with college and grad school :) unles sits some nalaiq phissadi, in which case there is no use wasting your hard earned money on his/her education.
Now as far as physical activities go, unless you are the sort who becomes a retired uncle type in your 30s i dont see a huge problem. I have a cousin who is 40 now, his youngest kid is 2 years old or so..and the dude spends as much time with the kid as possible, his oldest kid is 7 and a daughter at 4. on the flip side i have a cousin in Pakistan who is 32, has a 5 year old, but has turned into a total uncle and has little interest "playing"
so it varies.
*How would the kid feel when you are retired and s/he is in high school? *
working the same formula even farther back ppl graduate from college when they are 21-22. so when you are 55 and teh kid is 22, means u had teh kid at 33 :) i have not seen a 22 year old in highschool except one of the neighbours kids in pak who kept flunking his high school exams year after year.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
Problems perhaps do increase, Fraudz. I'm not arguing with that but the flip side to that is that more and more women are having children later in life and the fact that certainly modern medical technology is on the person's side today as compared to years ago helps a great deal as well.
[/QUOTE]
well the defination of "later" is different, more and more women are having kid in late 20's and early 30's, however the majority of mid to late 20's 23-27 from what i have read.
and the modern technology is on one's side which does help, but the increased genetic issues do nto get helped much. It is not only for women btw, if you read the research it also suggests that men should have their kids latest by late 30's.
Wethere you are 20, 25 or 30 it's always best to wait a couple of yrs and spend some "couple time" before you start a family cuz once you do have one, believe me life changes and yes kids are a blessing etc. etc. but that time you spend w/ your spouse aftr marriage just becomes one long honeymoon and you have something to look back and cherish when you both are lost in everyday struggles of raising children.
We are soooooo glad that we had our first kid aftr 3 yrs of marriage. He is Mashallah 18 mos now and t/ joy of our life but we wud never ever chnge t/ 3 yrs before we had him. We travelled around t/ world, we both worked, did absolutely nothing, inshort just spent valuable quality time w/ just each other and it was a blessing. Yeah if you get married in your late 30s' I wud still recommend wait @ least 6-9 mos since a few mos arent gonna mke much diffenece anyway. PPL who think having kids aftr a few mos oir yrs are selfish, just live in a world of thr own and have no idea what thry are missing. Besides, I know soo many couples who always wish they had waited to have kids instead of having thm in their 9th month of wedding or even thr first yr. But Allah Allah karnay say to kuch nahii hota naa, one has to take somw precautions as well then only does Allah help you.
^You make some really good points, FD.
I think the most important thing for a child is that the parents are happy and there for them...age is really just relative. All this talk of what age you'll be when your children graduate is funny...in the olden days women were grandmothers at 30 and 35...great grandmothers by the time they retired....that isn't neccessary a goal that I wish to attain. I hope to be around when my children have children....but it is all up to Allah SWT.
Since I got married at 31, having children before 30 was not an option. My husband are planning on starting to try to get pregnant some time late next year, so we have one year of marriage under our belt and i'm 32.
Yes it is possible to have children later in life but it can be more difficult.
I work in a perinatal (mother, infant pregnancy/birth/early infant care) quality improvement project and spoke to a perinatologist who said that having teen pregnancies wasn't an issue in his orange county area, rather having too many mother's trying to have babies too late in life. Science gives them options but those options lead to multiple births which often means having a baby earlier than expected. OFten these babies are healthy BUT there can be huge issues that can not be prevented or fixed. On the flip side it's entirely possible to have healthy children, one of my friend's sister got married at 37 and proceeded to have 3 health beautiful children in 5 years...the last at 42. It is possible....
I look at it from different two stand points.
Having kids early will allow the parents to spend more quality time together once the kids move out to college (so-called empty nest years). At that time, the earning power and the savings will be at their highest so the couple can embark on international travel and whatever they wish for. Having kids late, will mean these empty nest years will be fewer and less energetic.
Having kids late will, however, mean that when the baby is growing up, the couple will be in an advanced stage (comparatively speaking) of their careers which allows them to have more disposable income to spend on the child and better provide for his/her needs and wants. This contrasts with being in the early part of your career if you have kids early, and less disposable income. You can still take care of the baby in your 20's but probably won't be spending as lavishly as you may in your 30's due to increased earning power.
So, its basically a toss up.
FunkyDesi's point is really good. I have said it many times: life changes completely after your first child, so might as well, spend a couple of years of extended honey-moon first. Though many families will start pressurizing the couple for an off-spring right after the rukhsati.
The last point is, for women, don't wait till your early to mid-30's to have kids. There was an amazing study in 2001-2002 which concluded that while science has come a long way in helping fertility but if you delay having babies beyong a certain point, your chances of getting a normal conception, normal pregnancy and normal baby starts getting diminished rather rapidly. This issue starts much much before menopause, so don't think menopause is the only stopping point. If you put your career before your family, you may end up paying a terrible price. The excerpts of the study were published in Time or Newsweek magazine. Search for it on the net. It is eye-opening.
Thanx SP and Faisal. I think everyone's idea of a "late pregnancy" varies. I Pakistan if you get maried @ 24-25, you got married "late" and hence t/ rush to have kids etc. Persoanlly I think anytime aftr 37 one has to be careful since I once read that aftr 37 t/ quality of a woman's eggs deteriorate. But thn again I know a few couples who were not related to each othr and the husband and wife were both young and proceeded to have have kids in thr first yr of marriage and t/ baby turned out to have some problems. It's a bit of 'kismet' as well. When I was xpecting all we prayed was for t/ baby to be healthy. Thats'a ll we cared about.
Eithr way, even if youre getting married a bit late in life i.e. anytime aftr 32-33 (in my opinion) a woman still has a yr-yr1/2 to get to know each othr and "alone time" w/ thr spouse. Take it from me, now all we talk about is our baby and if he's eaten, pooped or napped:(
I understand in Pakistan thre's a lot of pressure to have kids right away God knows why they dont mind thr own damn business, but anyway, we were lucky to be out of Pakistan altho my poor Mom was very pressurred by my in laws as to why I wasn't producing a grand child (prfferrably ofcourse a son!)
amelie, Faisal, and FD, you all make some really good points, I must say. True, a woman’s chance of pregnancy decreases in her late 30s so it is best to try to get the “having kids” part out of the way after a decent amount of time subsequent to marriage if the woman is already in her late 20s or early 30s. However, it is an absolute must to spend a year or two with your husband alone before producing children.
In addition Faisal, your point about being able to give your children alot more in terms of their wants and needs (basically pampering them to death!) after having them in your early to mid 30s etc. is very true which is one of the reasons I want to have children when I am in this age range. As my children grow, I will be able to keep them pampered considering financial stability, etc. And no, I am not a person who thinks about how old I will look when my children are growing up, so this point is a non-issue for me. Re: having kids at that age, if anything, I’ll be more well-versed on the fine points of handling babies than I would be had I had kids in my early 20s, for ex. When I was born, my mom was clueless as to how to take care of me (ex. how to put me to bed, how to feed me, how to burp me, etc.) so when she went to Pakistan for a few months vacation after I was born, she had my grandmother show her how to properly take care of a baby. When she returned to the US, her friends couldn’t get over how fast she had learned! Hehe.
my mother had me when she was 29, and she got married i think at 27,
i think it depends on the individual, if they want to concentrate on their career, one of my dads friends she took 10 years off work to bring her kids up, Allisons around 50 something now and though shes still behind on her position she doesnt regret stopping midway for her kids
Good, but let me tell you that the possibility of pregnancy complcations increases after the age of 35...
It is better having children when one feels comfortable , responsible and mature enough to have a child and raise it. This maybe be the age of 25 for some and for others at 30 or later. Raising kids is not easy so decide on getting kids when you're mentally prepared for this task!