I’m being selfish by posting such a thread. However, wanted to know your opinion on having children once you’re in your 30s. How do you feel about it in general and how do you view the impact of this on socio-economic factors? Both men and women are welcome to respond.
I see nothing wrong with it, my brother got married a few years back and his wife was 30 and now they have a daughter and it seems cool to me. I see it better then having children at a younger age and other stuff which I wont get into here b/c this forum seems to be soo up tight .
If I have kids it will probably be when I am around 30 or so. Insha'Allah. I think its a good age. My mom had me when she was around 30 I believe. smile
For the past few years, I’ve always told myself that I would have children when I am around 30…as in say one child at 31-32 and the other at say 34ish because I want to spend some time alone with my husband to get to know better and to establish myself in my entrepreneurial career, and then proceed to having kids. I think this is a sensible progression. The one thing I will definitely NOT do is to have kids in my late 30s. It’s just too late that at point for a woman, I think.
theres nothing wrong with having children late in yur life. My aunty is 40 and having her second child after 5 years. As long as you love your child the age gap shouldn't matter.
^True but then you have to consider the physical complications that may arise due to giving birth at that age and factors relating to raising the child considering your own age progression down the years. Other than that, there is nothing visibly wrong with it other than everyone having different opinions on whether they should or shouldn't have kids at or after a certain age.
^ yeah that is true, if you can have them all b4 40
People who have children late in life are selfish. The older you are when you have the kid the less time you will spend together when compared with people who have children early and will probably live to see their grandchildren too.
Its silly to compromise the time you spend with your children over say going to a few parties or holidays. And people on this forum seem to think that having children or getting married young will put an end to any fun which is nonsense as you can still do all these things when you have kids.
And yes I know that even people who have children young can die tomorrow but I'm talking generally. And who wants to be too old to be able to play with your children because your arthritis is playing up. ANd do you really want to embarass your kids by being the oldest parents at the school gates when you pick them up?
Statistics appear to show that women who have their first child in their late 30s are more prone to developing malignant breast tumours later on.
I have only seen two such cases where the women were in their 30's
1)my mumani was 32 when she married my uncle. Their first kid had health problems and died after a week of birth. Not ours or her family had any such issues before. Shes not related to us in any way or the other at all. But ALhamdulillah, their second child is perfectly healthy, ALhamdulillah
2)my friend who has been trying to have kids since she was like 33. The doctor says she cant have kids anymore although she does have kids from previous marriages.
Ofcourse this doesnt show that all women in 30s who want to have kids will have Allah forbid unhealthy kids but thats what I have seen from my personal experience.
ALso, as someone mentioned above, if you deciede to have kids in your late 30s etc by choice, I personally dont think its fair to your children since they wont have enough time to spend time with you. Allah forbid what if something happens to you??Would their be anyone to take care of them like you do??Granted that anything could happen to any of us at any time, but isnt their a greater chance of people getting sick etc???
Rest Allah knows best.:)
JB, I totally disagree with you. Having kids once you're well settled in life and having your priorities well established is best. There is absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever. In fact, it makes the most sense to use this type of mentality in reference to having kids.
To those of you saying that it is unwise and probably even unhealthy to have children in your late 30s, I totally agree. The cut off should be mid 30s...say 35ish at the latest.
I went to a dinner party a few weeks ago where another guest had gorgeous fraternal twin daughter and son (toddlers). God blessed her with them after 17 years of marriage and I tell you, they were cuties! So sometimes, after all is said and done and regardless of how we plan out our lives so precisely, you may still be surprised by God's mysterious ways.
SP
i was reading studies which showed that as the couple gets older..the problems the child could have start increasing. so in my view its probably not a good idea to wait too long, just like in my voew its not eight to produce a kid right after u get married..partially because it limits the time u spend as a couple, and partially if things dont work out, there is a kid in the picture.
Originally posted by jelly belly: *
**People who have children late in life are selfish. The older you are when you have the kid the less time you will spend together when compared with people who have children early and will probably live to see their grandchildren too. *
I disagree, if you look at it as an extreme case than maybe but I dont see anything wrong with a couple postponing to have kids later.
Being more established and financially secure means you could send the kid to better schools give them a better quality of life and better foundations
Having spent more time as a couple and strengthening the marriage means that the kid has a better atmosphere than in situations where kids grow up seeing their parents fight all the time.
*Its silly to compromise the time you spend with your children over say going to a few parties or holidays. And people on this forum seem to think that having children or getting married young will put an end to any fun which is nonsense as you can still do all these things when you have kids. *
but waiting so you can provide a better life for your kids is important is it not?
as far as doing things when you are single, when you are married with no kids and when you are married and have kids are completely diff. ever seen a guy rock climbing with his infant on his back? no..
One could say its silly to compromise teh quality of life you could have provided to a kid by having the kid early when you know that you will not be able tp provide the type of atmosphere or the type of comfort t them as you would want to.
*And yes I know that even people who have children young can die tomorrow but I'm talking generally. And who wants to be too old to be able to play with your children because your arthritis is playing up. *
*ANd do you really want to embarass your kids by being the oldest parents at the school gates when you pick them up? *
thats a pretty shallow point, so let me respond by an equally shallow point. Do you really want to embarras your kid by showing up in the cheapest most beat up car? :)
by the same token ugly ppl should not have kids cuz dang it, why would u want to embarras your kid by being the ugliest parent at the school gates to pick them up?
There is no one right answer, there are pros and cons in both, teh situation and circumstances vary for people and I would suggest that most ppl are logical enough to make the decision that are right for their individual circumstances. Those who are not in their situation may not understand the logic or reaons but that holds true for many other scenarios.
I am going to bring up a point of religion cause to me it is relevant. The Prophet (saw) married khadijah(ra) when she was 40 years old. She had I believe 6 children or so with him (saw). Yes, some died, but if infact it was unfair to have children at that age, with the mother being so old, wouldnt the Prophet saw not have done so? Having a child at 40 back then is probably worse than having a child at 40 now, because now there is better medical care. I would like to know your thoughts on this. Thanks.
hmm theres nothing wrong with having kids later in ur life.. but complications do occur. My friend who specialises in IVF recommends females to not have kids later than 27... i mean its great if you can have them later... but to avoid medical problems its better to have them earlier in ur life :)
i think it depends on the individual. .there is no right or wrong time. u have kids when u r good n ready to take more responsibilities. personally i'd like to have kids before i turn 30. Infact i want to have my first kid when i enter my late 20s. my mom had me when she was 25. and we have a very good relationship. maybe its due to the age factor, or understanding, i dont know. but it whatever it is, it works. :--)
I should have married 5 years ago 
I personally think having kids earlier is a good thing, specially for the kid. You can have more physically activities with him/her. You shouldn’t have to worry near retirement that you still have to pay for your child’s education or get him/her married etc. All of it should be completed when you are 50/55.
How would the kid feel when you are retired and s/he is in high school?
my 2 cents,
It really dosent matter to have children either earlier or later in marriage.
But In my point of view when you get married and a new person comes into yourlife (husband/wife) they need time to adjust, to know each other better, to feel comfortable with each other, to become friends, to know each others habits and then to love each other etc.
Either love marriage or arranged once you start living with the another person its a completly different story, there are many aspects of your partners personality that you never came accross before. so you need time spend with each other.
There is a very big misconception especially among desi people that once you will have kids you will start loving each other and life goes on. in 80% of the cases this dosent happen and husband and wife live 2 seperate lifes. Mostly only compromising (more from womans side) because of the kids.
Before you know your kids are young, school, college, and now they are at their marriage ages and now you have grand kids.
so where was the time you actually spend with your partner???
wait for around 1-2 years atleast after your marriage and then go for kids with normal interval and giving your partner some rest.
but over 35 is a bit pushing the limit specially for the woman.
i don't think anything's wrong wid it
my youngest sis is 1 yr old n ma otha sis is 6 Mashallah
n eventhough ppl get shocked when they hear dis n make such dumb faces wid disgust dat i feel like juz slappin them so hard..i can careless..
Alhamdolilah i m proud to have such cute n adorable sistaz n if Allah(Swt) has blessed us den i don't find n.e. thing wrong wid it
when i wuz younger i used to think k o wut will ppl think buh i grew out of it..:D now i juz don't care...im very happyyyyy wid wuh i have Alhamdolilah
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*Originally posted by Fraudz: *
i was reading studies which showed that as the couple gets older..the problems the child could have start increasing.
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Problems perhaps do increase, Fraudz. I'm not arguing with that but the flip side to that is that more and more women are having children later in life and the fact that certainly modern medical technology is on the person's side today as compared to years ago helps a great deal as well.