I know religon doesn't allow it but my personal view other than religon is agar itnay saal intizaar kar liya hai to kuch dair aur bhi intizaar ho jaana chaahye. Marriage in its traditional sense (not the forced marriages or crap like that) means a commitment of love hence pyisical stuff with a person where there is no love would be pointless.
I don't see why a partner would be risking a relationship with the other if they said no. I mean if a relationship is put into risk because of 'no' then the other partner aren't it worth are they?
It is up to the individual what he/she considers important.
The idea to show the 'love and commitment' by engaging in physical relationship is incorrect. Physical relationship gives somewhat of closeness to relationship but it does not prove the person is in love with other or is commited.
It is a tactice usually boys'' bring forward to coerce the girl by making her feel guilty. One way to look at is hidden threat or taking advantage of her liking the boy and her raging hormones and emotions.
Other way around, women may see it as false assurance that the guy does like her and encourage the guy to get physically involved. It is called enticing the man to try to achieve a goal of making him 'habitual' of their intimacy and hoping the guy will propose. Some guys fall for it some do not. Some guys see it as a great way to have fun of situation.
At this stage, both are trying to fool each other and 'smarter' one 'wins' the game.
If the guy becomes 'addicted' to her then he finally 'gives in'.
But for other kind of guys, as soon as the question of commitment come, the guy may run! Leaving her all rejected and bitter.
So, in essence, the physical relationship does not prove or guarentee love or commitment.
[QUOTE]
[when it comes to Islam you just have to obey it without asking any questions and in Islam zina is a major sin. engagement or bf gf relationship does not exist in Islam. Nikah is what that matters. Without nikah physical relationship falls in the category of zina. Zina a thousand years back was a sin and is a sin and will remain a sin. laws of Allah do change with era or time.
commitment or proof of love can go to hell. first prove your love to Allah by obeying him than prove it someone else.
the above is my perspective !
[/QUOTE]
i totally agree with u....
it is haram thats it.... control urselfnot for other only for ALLAH... & be sure ALLAH will reward u......
i think you guys are confused. they are cultures that find it acceptable....and expect it.
most people don't just hang around with a guy and only think of marriage. some people dont even plan on marriage but have a SO. some go through multiple relationships...yes, dating is normal in some cultures.
if they're muslim, again, different upbringing, thought-process, etc.
I would say that love and marriage is not all about 'physical relationship'. if someone wants you to prove your love/commitment then he/she can demand something else other than THIS. I don't think that only physical relationship can prove the strength of love.
I would say that love and marriage is not all about 'physical relationship'. if someone wants you to prove your love/commitment then he/she can demand something else other than THIS. I don't think that only physical relationship can prove the strength of love.
Is it often cuz you can't wait till you are married or is it to prove your love and commitement to your partner?
**
How important it is in today's time and age for you to remain chaste till you're married? **Is it worth saying no to your partner for it which may mean that you are risking your relationship for it?
Be honest.
Sometimes it could be because both individuals are mutually interested in physical intimacy before marriage.
But is physical intimacy the ONLY way to prove your love to your partner? I don't think so. It's just one way. What if one partner wants to wait until after marriage? Couldn't the other partner's compromise also be a way to prove love?????? Love can be shown in the form of respect, compromise, sacrifice, patience, and support as well. And if an individual thinks that physical intimacy before marriage is the yardstick by which to measure the love and worth and strength of a relationship....then something's not right.
Assuming that you've only told your partner that you want to wait until after marriage..............................and your partner sets physical intimacy BEFORE MARRIAGE as a condition....for even wanting to resume a future relationship with you.............then that's not love. It's not like you said "never." You only said to "wait."
In this day and age? The expectations for remaining chaste until marriage are not as high as they were in the past. Of course this depends upon the society you're living (conservative or more liberal) and the upbringing/views of the individual. In more conservative societies.....where it's frowned upon to have sex before marriage.......such intimacy might still take place.......but the individual might find themselves lying about it in the future (because it's so frowned upon). In a more liberal society/culture....one may not feel the need to conceal such information.
I know religon doesn't allow it but my personal view other than religon is agar itnay saal intizaar kar liya hai to kuch dair aur bhi intizaar ho jaana chaahye. Marriage in its traditional sense (not the forced marriages or crap like that) means a commitment of love hence pyisical stuff with a person where there is no love would be pointless.
I don't see why a partner would be risking a relationship with the other if they said no. I mean if a relationship is put into risk because of 'no' then the other partner aren't it worth are they?
Very well said.
thank you all for sharing your views, you all have pointed out valid points that lead to this situation and the good/bad of it. Really appreciate that you all took time to reply and did so in a serious manner which was the need of this topic.
if this is the way the person thinks would 'prove' my love for him.. then he is dumped for ever because this is certainly NOT the right way of 'proving'
Is it often cuz you can't wait till you are married or is it to prove your love and commitement to your partner?
How important it is in today's time and age for you to remain chaste till you're married? Is it worth saying no to your partner for it which may mean that you are risking your relationship for it?
Be honest.
i am pretty moderate in living and thinking, but their are certain red lines which one shouldn't cross, no matter what. Pre-martial physical relations are one of them.
As far proving your commitment & love, the sex is the least important. If someone is forcing, then you have to talk and explain that: dude, hold your horses - and outright say no.
If he/she didn't understand it, then it's worth to risk your relationship !
You dont need to sleep with the guy to show ur love, and i personally dont know anybody who may have done that. It is important and will always remain important to remain chaste and a virgin until u are married, these are the things that islam teaches us. And this is what will show ur love to ur partner (by marriage) that you have never had any physical relationship with anyone before him/her.
All I want to say is: If you have been in a romantic relationship with someone and not wanted to be physically intimate.. then I hope you have left them :)
Some people give into this natural temptation, others don't.
Nobody here in their right minds will post about their haram relationships.
I can think of one poster just off the top of my head who mentioned the other day that she was going on holiday with her boyfriend.. Without going into the rights and wrongs of it I don't think it's as much of a taboo subject anymore.. I don't want to get involved in the moral arguments here but walk into any school or college in the UK and you can see just how common it is for desi kids to be in relationships, it also seems it's far more common for them to be sleeping with each other (or doing everything bar actual sex) than not..
If someone feels compelled to do anything to prove their love for someone...drop them like a hot potato.
That includes sleeping with them, buying them expensive things, leaving your parents, etc.
So to answer the question...be it white or black or desi...sleeping with someone doesnt prove anything and its not important. Yes, in some cultures a physical relationship signifies a stepping stone between a couple. However, it isnt the end of the world if a man doesnt get any.
Besides, why waste that on a man that isnt your husband?