Have you ever seen your parents express and show affection to each other, thereby actually showing that they LOVE each other!? I know its a weird question, but in my experience a little girl in class said, ‘My parents done love each other, I never seen them hold hands, kiss even.’ lol.
It occured to me, how REAL this is, I mean many kids dont even KNOW that husband and wife love each other. They are never shown moments of ANY affection. No flirting even. Its really sad, but asian parents are so taboo when it comes to such feelings. tsk tsk.
I think it's important for children to know that their parents do love each other and are simply not husband and wife because their marriage was arranged or something along those lines.
I will not follow the old asian way of doing things
That kid has some problems if she thinks love just is a physical thing, She'll understand when she's older, I mean how many of your parents, kiss, hug, hold hands, and flirt in front you, how often, you think they don't love each other cuz of that, or do you know they do?
I know people who've had love marriages, I haven't to this day seen them kiss or hug in public, guess it wasn't true love.
You dont have to see things to believe it. Kids know their parents love each other, i mean, its a known fact....if they didnt they wouldnt be together now would they?excluding the times when they cant do anything about it and HAVE to stay together. Back to the point i was making, you've probably never seen a million dollars but that doesnt mean it doesnt exist.
And yes i know my parents are in love....mashallah....knock on wood.....i can tell from the little things:)
And yes i know my parents are in love i have also seen them making funny jokes to eeach other in punjabi and some other things that i cant tell you because thats family matters
Well, yes it is a taboo in Pakistani culture. I remeber once one of my Islamiyaat teacher said that in our culture "the husband and wife will not even sit on the same bed in presence of children."
"Miyaan , biwi, aik charpai per bhi nahin baithtey"
I do not agree that children take it for granted that their parents love each other, after all in Desi culture, husabnd and wife don't show affection to each other infront of children but do all fighting infront of them.
As a child, i don't remember, thinking if my parents love each other or not, or if i thought it really mattered, but now with all that TV bull****, kids must be wondering bout it.
Well, i wonder, what my kids think bout us, but i am sure not going to show affection to my wife infront of children, the idea is bit repulsive to me.
I think there has to be a balance here. When my husband was growing up he only saw his parents and aunts and uncles fighting with each other, or ordering each other around, never being affectionate. He says that as a teenager he decided that he would never marry a desi woman after seeing how british couples would hold hands, be affectionate and kind to each other.
We would never show our children a PDA, but I think it's important for them to see the little things - hand-holding, kindness and respect for one another, an occasional peck on the cheek, and sitting next to each other when we are all watching tv or something.
It seems like in desi families the husband/wife relationship is really down-played, and if a husband treats his wife nicely then he is ghulam ka biwi.
I attended a lecture once where the Sheikha said that the health of the family in general depended on the health of the relationship between the husband and wife, and that the children needed to know that in the family the relationship between husband and wife comes first, and that they cannot play one parent off the other.
My saas and sussar... Mashallah its amazing they are iver 55 at this point and my susar still sits and sings songs for my saas... Mashallah he wont care if there is anyone around if wants to say something to this wife he will do it. I have even heard I love you once and twice. he wont eat food if his wife is not sitting next to him or if he starts eating and realizes she is not sitting next to him he will literally STOP the nawala that he is about to put in his mouth.
my khala and khalu are like that too- my khalo never said NO to my khala on anything mashallah. No matter how tired khalu ji is if khala said something it will be done without any questions :)
my parents are just regular parents they dont say anything but they will do things...
it even says in Quran shareef that those who are good with their wives are among the best ones...
My dad will hold my mother's hand when he knows she might have trouble walking over a difficult spot (she has arthritis issues). But mostly we see their love for each other in the little things they do for each other. I have seen both of them endure each other's temper at times. I see my mother wake up at 3 am to cook suhoor for my dad on days he has to leave for work early. I have seen my dad sacrifice his sleep to take her to the doc. These are things they dont have to do for each other but they do because they care MaashaAllah.
In desi culture it would be a little uncomfortable/disturbing or maybe even traumatic seeing thier own parents make out and show affection in front of thier children or any other family member for that matter. As long as they don't argue or hit each other it's enough for a child to know that their parents have a good relationship.
Urdu gives me fits sometimes 