Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
lol you need to stop right there. Is it okay to have feelings towards someone? yes. Is it okay to go ahead and pursue them knowing you may be ruining someone else's life especially considering their MARRIED? definitely not. Are you sure that your not attracted to him just because he respects you? Often that may be the only reason your attracted to someone. Or are you just confusing love for lust? Whatever the reason, you need to have a hard and long think about this. You don't want to end up ruining multiple lives, yours included. As for being his second wife, you need to make sure his other wife is really okay with it and yourself too. Otherwise you'll both spend all your lives being miserable trying to gain his attention.
She won't be ok with it. I know it. She is my friend. I do not want to ruin her life too. I was her husband's friend way before her marrying him. Sounds very selfish but i love him so much.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
She won't be ok with it. I know it. She is my friend. I do not want to ruin her life too. I was her husband's friend way before her marrying him. Sounds very selfish but i love him so much.
Well then if you don't want to ruin her life, it really is up to you in what you decide. Everyone else can only advise.
But if you know that her husband does not see you in the same way you see him, are you really going to still pursue him?
Has he reciprocated any of those feelings at all? Dropped any hints?
If not, then move on. Don't waste your time chasing someone who won't reciprocate.
Btw weren't you recently engaged? Just read your latest post.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
She won't be ok with it. I know it. She is my friend. I do not want to ruin her life too. I was her husband's friend way before her marrying him. Sounds very selfish **but i love him so much.
**
Nah. You don't love him; you only love yourself. If you truly loved him, you'd respect his marriage since he's told you he won't hurt his wife. If you truly respected his feelings, you'd stop with your chichori harkatain of sending him flowers and giving him hints when by your admission he just brushes them off.
You put your own feelings and desires before his and that's why you persist with your behavior. You claim to be friends with his wife, but you don't even know how to be a good friend to her cuz you put yourself first. Where does God and your faith and your conscience and your self-respect fit into this? Maybe all these things have also taken a backseat to your obsession which you insist is love.
The guy is wrong too. He should keep a distance from you; he needs a reminder of the admonition to "lower his gaze." Maybe it's an ego boost for him to continue socializing with you unnecessarily even after brushing off your hints. He hasn't verbally expressed a romantic interest and he brushes off your passes. I could understand if there was a inconsistency between his words and actions, but they both seem to be on the same page.
There may or not be a sexual attraction between you. It could just be in your head; wishful thinking. Or if there is indeed a mutual attraction, then again I fault him for his own laxity as well. They seem like a dense couple in the sense that women/wives tend to have a stronger intuition and I find it disturbing that his wife hasn't kicked you out of their social group. Since you lack the decency/hayaa to make a better attempt of at least hiding your interest from his wife.....she, too, gets annoyed that you talk about her husband too much. I am surprised that alarm bells haven't gone off in her head and that she hasn't put you at a distance.
Respect yourself and stop playing the chichori.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Like how can i distance myself from him. I have so many mutual friends with him. I can't avoid him. He works with me. We work in same department. Like i said, i do not want anything from him. Not even financial support. I just want him and be with him too.
I have a friend that went down this path. I warned her; my fiance warned her, but she didn't listen. This whole "I can't distance myself from him" is BS--my friend used the same excuse with us. There's plenty of ways. Let's say this was a person you disliked/hated, would you still be "forced" to go out of your way and grab coffee for him/her? Hang out with them? Send them gifts? No. You're trying to justify you're homewrecking behavior. Don't do it. Stop hanging out with him. Distance yourself. If you're saying the truth and he has an idea of your feelings for him, then you can explain to him (if he asks why you're being weird) that you need space and you want to respect your friend and their marriage.
It makes you a *ty friend and, more importantly, a *ty person.
My friend also had the "he said he'd leave his wife for me" excuse and the "I'll be the 2nd wife". Guess what happened? The guy never had the guts to tell his 1st wife and now she's just the other woman--neither here nor there. On top of that, her reputation is completely ruined (no matter how sneaky and slick you think you're being, your friend WILL find out and then (hopefully) destroy your reputation because anyone acting slimy like this deserves it) AND she can't entertain very very nice SINGLE guys because she's so hung up on this one dude.
It's insecurity and low self esteem on her part and I would reckon you suffer from the same issues. Go to therapy. There is something wrong with you wanting someone that is so emotionally unavailable. What's worrisome is that he's never given you a sign that he's into you like that, yet you're ready to be his 2nd wife.
I sound harsh but I have zero tolerance for home wrecking and people like you sicken/scare me. Know your limits with the opposite gender and respect someone's marriage. More than that, know your self worth and understand that you should be with someone that's 100% there for you emotionally and otherwise. And stop ruining your "close friend"'s life/marriage.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Ok..challo yar..manna kay..you're his friend and her friend. And ya love this guy. Lekyn socho...does a real friend do..something like that to another friend???. Let him be with his wife. Just leave him be. I know it is going to be tough..very tough..i understand. But do the right thing..insha'Allah you won't regret it.
Just remember one thing..what goes around comes around so be very very aware of that. And your friend (his wife)..i am sure she knows it and trust her husband. And i pray..Allah keeps it like that. You just stay out please.
