I am in passionately in love with a married man for past few years. He is my friend’s husband. My friend still doesn’t know i am deeply in love with him. He treats me nothing more than a friend. We are very good friends and luckily that man is my co-worker too so i get to spend time with him when i am at work for lunch and coffee. I just can’t get over him. I have given him subtle message sent him anonymous flowers. He thought his wife sent him flower but it was me who sent him. That man is someone who understood the complexity of my thoughts and emotions and the intensity of my deepest, darkest moments. Sounds very philosophical but i love him. I tried to keep my mind out of him. Even dated other guys too. No use. He was having some problems with his wife but he never cheated with me on her. Always brushed me off but been always there for me. He gives me good advices and treats me very respectfully. Does he know i like him? Yes he does but he ignores this feeling of his. He said during our random conversation that he cares about his wife. I do meet his wife we go out for coffee and movies too. But i can’t keep her husband out of my mind. Does my friend know i like her husband? Not for sure but she would say annoyingly to stop talking about my husband. I know i am wrong and people would tell me to move on. It is not easy. I have even gone for counseling too. My question to you all is, can i be his second wife?? Sounds crazy and i feel very very jealous of my friend but i can’t help it. I would ask nothing from him. In return of love and care. For those of you don’t know. I am Pakistani Christian and the man that i am in love with is Pakistani Muslim. Can he take me as second wife as in do nikkah with me without telling his wife if i proposed him??
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Are you for real? 
Sorry to burst your bubble, but no, that is not how it works.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
You can't control ur feelings towards someone I get that but that doesn't make this morally or ethically right to lure another woman's husband.
There was phase of my life (Iong long time ago) I had the same obessive nature regarding a guy in my life who was in a comitted long term relationship with someone else, i did tell him because I suck at hiding my feelings & like a gentleman that he still is he acknowledged and respected my feelings & without saying much i got my answer. I had to go through a whole journey to fight my way through these feelings & it took yearsssss but it happened.
I respected the first half of ur story because no one can control ur feelings but ur approach to this is wrong. Instead of asking about marrying him you should have asked how to get over him!
Your religion doesn't matter at all but ur morals do. What if some woman like urself had thought about breaking ur moms marriage like that or would have come as ur dads second wife?
Dont go down the road which isn't neither practical nor would bring any outcome except heartache for u. The guy who is respecting ur feelings today will freakout if u suggest second marriage to him & run in the opposite direction because the truth is if he was even a tad bit into you, he would have made a move knowing that you already are so willing. Wrap up this whole story while u have ur dignity otherwise this can get messy cuz u seem to have ur heart & soul invested & he doesn't have any liability.
Feelings take a while to be dealt with, give urself time..maintain some conscious distance from him, throw all the keepsakes u have of him and do anything that helps u to move away from him & start the journey of getting over him because this may sound brutal but THIS IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN (Dont be delusional & please move on)
Hope it helps!
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Watch him change his behavior towards you when he has to deal with you and his first wife. He is respectful today but he will get tired of you and his life when he has to take care of you and her. I can guarantee all these lovey dovey feelings will disappear. Imagine dealing with his current wife if you do marry him? You are desperate and not thinking right. You need to distance yourself from him NOW.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
@shimmer. Not that i tried. I met someone whom i thought i have good chemistry with some other guy. Even i was soon to be getting married( posted a topic here about me getting married in gs here) to the other guy thinking i will get over with a guy i am in love with. Somehow, it didn't work out. And i went back to square 1. So guy i am in love with helped me and this brought my feelings back to him. I can't avoid him. He works with me. His wife is a good friend of mine but i think she is not stupid either. She is bit distant from me but we still hang out to go for shopping.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Watch him change his behavior towards you when he has to deal with you and his first wife. He is respectful today but he will get tired of you and his life when he has to take care of you and her. I can guarantee all these lovey dovey feelings will disappear. Imagine dealing with his current wife if you do marry him? You are desperate and not thinking right. You need to distance yourself from him NOW.
Like how can i distance myself from him. I have so many mutual friends with him. I can't avoid him. He works with me. We work in same department. Like i said, i do not want anything from him. Not even financial support. I just want him and be with him too.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Muslim men are allowed to marry multiple women. Why can’t this turn into sacred relationship.
Hai, Let's Go See 50 Shades.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Ya Allah aisee doo-chaar friends har shareef aadmi ki begum ko aata ker
amen
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Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
I am in passionately in love with a married man for past few years
You women these days move really fast don't you? We had another thread here not too long ago where another woman divorced and re-married within months. You met your husband and fell in love with him at the end of 2012 and married him in 2013.....yet not too long after fell in love with his friend. You move fast!
He was having some problems with his wife but he never cheated with me on her. Always brushed me off but been always there for me. He gives me good advices and treats me very respectfully. Does he know i like him? Yes he does but he ignores this feeling of his. He said during our random conversation that he cares about his wife.
My question to you all is, can i be his second wife?? Can he take me as second wife as in do nikkah with me without telling his wife if i proposed him??
Yes, you can be his second wife. But that doesn't solve your issue. The guy is not attracted to you at all. Even when he was having problems with his wife and knew you wanted him, he did not make any advances towards you. He cares about you as a friend but is not attracted sexually to you at all. He told you himself that he cares about his wife. Despite their problems, he has been and will continue remaining faithful to her.
You are a married woman making sexual advances at another married man. Do you really think this guy has any respect for you? Yes he can take a second wife if he chooses.....but why on earth would he choose someone like you? If he doesn't want you as a mistress....how foolish do you have to be to believe that he will want you as a wife?
So yea....go ahead and propose to him. But he will reject you.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
I am in passionately in love with a married man for past few years. He is my friend's husband. My friend still doesn't know i am deeply in love with him. He treats me nothing more than a friend. We are very good friends and luckily that man is my co-worker too so i get to spend time with him when i am at work for lunch and coffee. I just can't get over him. I have given him subtle message sent him anonymous flowers. He thought his wife sent him flower but it was me who sent him. That man is someone who understood the complexity of my thoughts and emotions and the intensity of my deepest, darkest moments. Sounds very philosophical but i love him. I tried to keep my mind out of him. Even dated other guys too. No use. He was having some problems with his wife but he never cheated with me on her. Always brushed me off but been always there for me. He gives me good advices and treats me very respectfully. Does he know i like him? Yes he does but he ignores this feeling of his. He said during our random conversation that he cares about his wife. I do meet his wife we go out for coffee and movies too. But i can't keep her husband out of my mind. Does my friend know i like her husband? Not for sure but she would say annoyingly to stop talking about my husband. I know i am wrong and people would tell me to move on. It is not easy. I have even gone for **counseling **too. My question to you all is, can i be his second wife?? Sounds crazy and i feel very very jealous of my friend but i can't help it. I would ask nothing from him. In return of love and care. For those of you don't know. I am Pakistani Christian and the man that i am in love with is Pakistani Muslim. Can he take me as second wife as in do nikkah with me without telling his wife if i proposed him??
My recommendation: more therapy.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
giddy
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Btw, i've a very close friend who's totally in OP's position. So no kidding, its not fun I think.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
You women these days move really fast don't you? We had another thread here not too long ago where another woman divorced and re-married within months. You met your husband and fell in love with him at the end of 2012 and married him in 2013.....yet not too long after fell in love with his friend. You move fast! Yes, you can be his second wife. But that doesn't solve your issue. The guy is not attracted to you at all. Even when he was having problems with his wife and knew you wanted him, he did not make any advances towards you. He cares about you as a friend but is not attracted sexually to you at all. He told you himself that he cares about his wife. Despite their problems, he has been and will continue remaining faithful to her. You are a married woman making sexual advances at another married man. Do you really think this guy has any respect for you? Yes he can take a second wife if he chooses.....but why on earth would he choose someone like you? If he doesn't want you as a mistress....how foolish do you have to be to believe that he will want you as a wife? So yea....go ahead and propose to him. But he will reject you.
Yes but i never got married. We broke up before wedding. I think we do have sexual attraction between us. Feeling is so UN-explainable. He will be faithful to her no matter what. But i love him too.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Muslim men are allowed to marry multiple women. Why can't this turn into sacred relationship.
Surah Nisa:
"(4:3) If you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly, then marry the women that seem good to you: two, or three, or four.[SUP]4[/SUP] If you fear that you will not be able to treat them justly, then marry (only) one,[SUP]5[/SUP] or marry from among those whom your right hands possess.[SUP]6[/SUP] This will make it more likely that you will avoid injustice."
Your brilliant plan of proposing to him and marrying him without his wife's knowing about is not Islamic. Some would say that he need his wife's permission before taking on another. You will be nothing but his dirty little secret (and that's if he even feels the same about you and goes through with it..it remains to be seen, no?).... Let's say he does go through with this fantasy of yours, what certainy do you have that he won't do the same to you? Phir kya?
Leave him alone, switch jobs if you have to, continue with therapy and please don't go down this home wrecking path.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Btw, i've a very close friend who's totally in OP's position. So no kidding, its not fun I think.
It is not fun totally. Not fun. I admit. But i am willing to be his second wife.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
lol you need to stop right there. Is it okay to have feelings towards someone? yes. Is it okay to go ahead and pursue them knowing you may be ruining someone else's life especially considering their MARRIED? definitely not.
Are you sure that your not attracted to him just because he respects you? Often that may be the only reason your attracted to someone.
Or are you just confusing love for lust?
Whatever the reason, you need to have a hard and long think about this. You don't want to end up ruining multiple lives, yours included.
As for being his second wife, you need to make sure his other wife is really okay with it and yourself too. Otherwise you'll both spend all your lives being miserable trying to gain his attention.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Surah Nisa: "(4:3) If you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly, then marry the women that seem good to you: two, or three, or four.[SUP]4[/SUP] If you fear that you will not be able to treat them justly, then marry (only) one,[SUP]5[/SUP] or marry from among those whom your right hands possess.[SUP]6[/SUP] This will make it more likely that you will avoid injustice." Your brilliant plan of proposing to him and marrying him without his wife's knowing about is not Islamic. Some would say that he need his wife's permission before taking on another. You will be nothing but his dirty little secret (and that's if he even feels the same about you and goes through with it..it remains to be seen, no?).... Let's say he does go through with this fantasy of yours, what certainy do you have that he won't do the same to you? Phir kya? Leave him alone, switch jobs if you have to, continue with therapy and please don't go down this home wrecking path.
Khatti i respect your reply. I am not asking him for financial support or anything. Just want to marry him. I went to mosque to consult with Islamic scholar too. He said, he doesn't need permission to marry you but he told me not to go this path.
Re: HATE to admit but i am still in love with a married man
Sigh.. Sounds familiar..
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This is just wrong on so many levels. Don't even know where to begin. Please don't be that lady