has my "rukhsati" been done

[Sehrysh]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Muzna

and this is where the whole societal issue of “log kya kahengay” comes in…
regardless of whether the nikah was consummated or not…once the couple has lived together society will assume that they have also slept together…

But so what? They’re allowed to sleep together - they’re married for crying out loud!

Why does some third person spend even one moment worrying/thinking/speculating about what happens between two married adults - it’s their business.

[Jolie]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@ashykh

are u not muslim?..i mean why do u have so many obbjections with issues that are given islamic value rather then cultural value..

islamically and rightfully once you are nikkahed u can do w.e it is u want…rukhsati is purely cultural and a desi thing…i dont see any arabs doing some sort of rukshati typa event..actually they have a nikkah and valima…the islamic way

Okay calm down first.

Now tell me where exactly I have said that you cannot consummate marriage without rukksati, I cannot see any evidence of that in the post you quoted.

Just to make you happy, here’s a fun fact about myself:

I am Muslim.

[Jolie]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

Err btw, what does rukhsati mean? Sending off the bride, right? So how is it a total desi invention? Didn’t Prophet Muhammad pbuh send off Hazrat Fatima, didn’t he send off Hazrat Zainab, Hazrat Umm e Kulsoom, Hazrat Ruqaiya after nikkah? Didn’t Hazrat Abu Bakar RA send off Hazrat Aisha?

People should do bit of thinking before throwing toys out of their pram.

[amzsonikuri]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Jolie

Reading this thread makes it sound like as if the whole purpose of nikkah is to get laid. lol…

Can anyone please provide me with a reference to that hadith “maa baap ko uff taq na kaho” , I swear I heard it somewhere on TV.

Do you know what the literal meaning of the arabic word نكاح‎ is? It does not mean marriage, the word zawj means marriage, search for the literal meaning, come back to me and show it to all the oppressors who deny one of the most basic rights from God.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

If you dont care much about ‘loog kia kaheen gai’, u r fine. I m sure, Allah miaan kuch nahee kaheen gai coz you both are married

[Jolie]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@amzsonikuri

Do you know what the literal meaning of the arabic word نكاح‎ is? It does not mean marriage, the word zawj means marriage, search for the literal meaning, come back to me and show it to all the oppressors who deny one of the most basic rights from God.

That’s interesting, but I didn’t quite get it. Enlighten me please.

[Muzna]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Sehrysh

But so what? They’re allowed to sleep together - they’re married for crying out loud!

Why does some third person spend even one moment worrying/thinking/speculating about what happens between two married adults - it’s their business.

oh I completely agree…it is totally their business.

my post was in reference to the suggestion of some folks that the nikah offers an opportunity to get to know the person before consummating the marriage…in a way an opportunity to walk away if things just don’t feel right.

again…I am the last person to advocate the right of society to interfere…trust me on that.

[Jolie]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Muzna

oh I completely agree…it is totally their business.

my post was in reference to the suggestion of some folks that the nikah offers an opportunity to get to know the person before consummating the marriage…in a way an opportunity to walk away if things just don’t feel right.

again…I am the last person to advocate the right of society to interfere…trust me on that.

I agree. I actually know a family who treat a simple nikkah done in a sitting room filled with just 10/12 as a glorified engagement and thats wrong.

[Iconoclast]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@NomiCA

does it matter??

OP wanted to know if she is technically rukhsatified or not, for that purpose, it matters.

[Decent_6Chora]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

… oh and technically you are not rukhsatOOFIED.

[Sehrysh]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Jolie

I agree. I actually know a family who treat a simple nikkah done in a sitting room filled with just 10/12 as a glorified engagement.

Sadly, I’ve heard the same thing. A friend of a friend had no qualms about their relative’s marriage ending after the nikkah saying it’s like a broken engagement and no harm done :hinna:

[Muzna]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Jolie

I agree. I actually know a family who treat a simple nikkah done in a sitting room filled with just 10/12 as a glorified engagement and thats wrong.

I’m not suggesting that either way is right or wrong…that’s not my business…but I do believe that the pressure society puts on the couple (particularly the girl) on this matter (i.e. virginity) is outrageous.

And it is this pressure that forces the society-fearing folks to take these “technical” approaches.
The feel that they are protecting themselves from Allah and the general public where, according to my own views, they should just focus on Allah alone.

[system]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

umm I don’t see what the big deal is if a girl was pregnant before her rukhsati?? She obviously had her nikkah done…so if a couple who is legally married chooses to have one night stands who are we to object?
You are talking as if they have sinned by sneaking around and getting pregnant lol

@Khumar

A nikkah is performed so you don’t end up doing something in sin. One of the biggest sins. So, if you have nikkah done so you don’t sin, but you still live in the parents house, but essentially sneak behind your parents’ backs (I am assuming no parents willingly opens their house to their bahu/damad so they can have a one night stand), then why go through such torture in the first place? Plenty of couples legitimately are living away from their spouses, due to work, due to immigration issues etc. And it’s torture. Forget about being intimate. Just not having your life partner around for every single moment is torture. But if you’re treating the pre-rukhsati time, as nothing but a time for one-night stands without having any form of responsibility, then you don’t deserve to be in such an amazing relationship in the first place. Either curb your desire, or use condoms, or live under one roof.

If due to circumstances such as a job or studies or whatever you can’t live with your husband for whatever reason, but you have been living together as husband and wife for a while, then whatever, get pregnany, have twins, adopt cats and dogs and children all you want. But if you’re living under the roof of your parents, and your parents are supporting you (ie paying for you), you haven’t lived with the husband as husband and wife, then you don’t deserve to pretend to be married and then act as if you are living together. There has to be a line somewhere. If you can’t wait to do it, then live together. You’re halal for each otehr right? Then if you’re so ready to shorn off some cultural requirements ie intercourse before living together, then you don’t pretend around to follow through on other sentiments of rukhsati and have another party afterwards.

As for your “well put and thought out” argument of the girl living with the parents after delivering, yes it happens, but like I said before, the couple’s been living together. The husband is paying the hospital fees, the clothing for the wife and his child, and all other expenses. It’s good for the mother as it allows her to unwind and recoup, and if off chance she gets postpartum depression, she has some help and doesn’t go and drown her baby. But like I said before, the woman’s been living with her husband and he went through the entire pregnancy with her. Sorry but I don’t buy your last point of how it’s alright to get pregnant like you’re getting pregnant in a one night stand and it’s equivalent to a young mother living with her parents post-delivery. Oh btw, it doesn’t happen in all cases.

[Iconoclast]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Sehrysh

Sadly, I’ve heard the same thing. A friend of a friend had no qualms about their relative’s marriage ending after the nikkah saying it’s like a broken engagement and no harm done :hinna:

Well, divorce after consummation or without consummation are two different things from Islamic point of view.

[ashykh]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Jolie

Okay calm down first.

Now tell me where exactly I have said that you cannot consummate marriage without rukksati, I cannot see any evidence of that in the post your quoted.

Just to make you happy, here’s a fun fact about myself:

I am Muslim.

haha my apoligies i got a bit emotional! woops
but no you didnt i was just answering the OPs question! =)

[Sehrysh]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Iconoclast

Well, divorce after consummation or without consummation are two different things from Islamic point of view.

Not being familiar with divorce in the different situations - but do the iddat and mehr requirements change depending on whether there was consummation?

[Iconoclast]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Sehrysh

Not being familiar with divorce in the different situations - but do the iddat and mehr requirements change depending on whether there was consummation?

Yes, half the mehr and no iddat as far as i know.

[NomiCA]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Sehrysh

Not being familiar with divorce in the different situations - but do the iddat and mehr requirements change depending on whether there was consummation?

yes…they change.

[TLK]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@yanzala

i had my nikkah few months ago, and rukhsati is later this year.
I had my nikkah in pakistan. after nikkah my entire family came back to USA but i was in pakistan for few more weeks at my aunty’s house. My husband asked my mother if it’s ok for him to take me out, my mother said yes. After that we were out pretty much every single day eating out, shopping and just going around places.
one of my friends recently raised a point that technically i have already had my rukhsati because my mother and father has allowed my husband to take me out with him without any third person and i have spent time alone with him (even though that time was spend in restaurants and shopping malls, sea side only).
it’s really not that big issue, so i don’t care to ask any alim about this. but what is your opinion on it, has my rukhsati technically been done?

Rukhsati is not an Islamic ritual, Nikah is. If you are still living with your mom and dad, your rukhsati has not taken place, yet.

[TLK]

Re: has my “rukhsati” been done

@Sehrysh

Not being familiar with divorce in the different situations - but do the iddat and mehr requirements change depending on whether there was consummation?

@Iconoclast

Yes, half the mehr and no iddat as far as i know.

@NomiCA

yes…they change.

If Dulha and Dulhan were provided Khilwat (privacy) where they could consummate the marriage (whether they did or not, cause really who knows that they did or not), then iddat would become an obligation in case of divorce. At least this is what my understanding is.