i had my nikkah few months ago, and rukhsati is later this year.
I had my nikkah in pakistan. after nikkah my entire family came back to USA but i was in pakistan for few more weeks at my aunty’s house. My husband asked my mother if it’s ok for him to take me out, my mother said yes. After that we were out pretty much every single day eating out, shopping and just going around places.
one of my friends recently raised a point that technically i have already had my rukhsati because my mother and father has allowed my husband to take me out with him without any third person and i have spent time alone with him (even though that time was spend in restaurants and shopping malls, sea side only).
it’s really not that big issue, so i don’t care to ask any alim about this. but what is your opinion on it, has my rukhsati technically been done?
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
no ! ..
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
No it hasn't been done. Unless you start LIVING with your husband/in-laws and you have been sent away by the family, the rukhsati hasn't been done.
You are married but not wedded off ...
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
Islamically, you are free to start making babies after nikkah.
In desi culture/society, people are against of mingling before rukhsati.
In your particular case, no you had not rukhsatified yet. i believe your mom trusted on your husband and allowed him to get with you. you still need rukhsati in order to become fully married.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
i dont think so. I think your cousin is a little scholarly. Does she have some authentic say from an alim or something to prove her claim? Anyway once you are nikahfied, these things do not matter imo. People go out and spend time even before Nikah and all that. And Nikah makes you legal husband and wife. I would like some poster to please enlighten me on "rukhsati" being a proper and authentic entity in Islam. I think Rukhsati matters as much as its kind of the open announcement that the couple is starting to live together and start their married life properly.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
marriage is not consummated thats all i can say......
u r husband wife.....
according to nikah contract u r halal for ur husband i dont think he needs permission of ur parents.....
u r father already given his consent to marriage for nikah thats y u r his wife ....
rukhsati is a traditional thing nothing religious about it but if u talk about consummation it is not done.....
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
Nothing wrong with the rukhstati thing but there is so much crap behind it in terms of myths and misunderstanding.
Listen to me sister,** in the eyes of GOD you are fully married to your husband**, you two may do whatever you wish and he needs not the permission of your mom or father, he is your husband, end of story. Nikah = marriage and vice versa, the rest of it is all crap and just an excuse to party.
There is no such thing in Islam as ruskhsati, nothing in Islam about this.
I personally boycott all the other things besides the Nikkah and Valima. Valima is sunnah.
Re: has my “rukhsati” been done
Your so right at last someone has it right… Why on earth people read the Nikka and then wait for ages before Rukhsati is beyond me and then ask their parents permission if its ok to hang out with their partner…:halo:
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
If you have done the thing then yes, if you haven't then no.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
does it matter??
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
RUKSATI has no basis in islam. Nikah is married, end of. You can do whatever, go wherever without anyones permission.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
If you have done the thing then yes, if you haven't then no.
Best answer is here ...
In our culture we treat rukhsati as time of consumation ... thereafter everybody knows that you have been intimate ... before that point everybody at least believes that you have not been intimate.
Going out to a restaurant is still considered public and hence not considered private
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
This reminds me of my own time after Nikkah haha, same situation, parents went back and I stay back a few more days in my parents home with my sister, at night time a cousin or uncle would come over to stay with as because of security reasons.
I was hanging around my husband all day, he would come over and we would go out (shopping, eating out, visiting places) my family that lived there basically aunts uncles, cousins, had issues with this, they would sent gards lol other little cousins to my home (walking distance) if they sensed we were alone or a uncle once passed by as we were standing on the terrace and shouted outloud, 'this is not your europe' all what we wanted was to spent time together as we would not see each other for a long period until rukhsati. Messed up; islamically we were husband wife, we were adults, not some kids. I learned to ignore them and really enjoyed that time, coz the careless time we had then never came back again.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
Best answer is here ...
In our culture we treat rukhsati as time of consumation ... thereafter everybody knows that you have been intimate ... before that point everybody at least believes that you have not been intimate.
Going out to a restaurant is still considered public and hence not considered private
Off Topic ish but..
Nikkah gives them rights to each other. Let's say they both want to consummate although the rukhsati tradition has not been fulfilled. Does anyone have the right to stop them? Surely it is making a mockery of nikkah to stop them if it's what they wish to do.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
The rukhsati is a stupid tradition IMO and for all of those who say, "oh but it's part of our culture," it's a foolish tradition that we all perpetuate needlessly.
I knew of a lady (actually it was before my time), she was 7 months pregnant at the time of her rukhsati and people all haww-hayeed, when religiously there was nothing wrong with her having been intimate and pregant after her nikkah. It's the whole idea of making "haraam" what Allah (swt) has made halal.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
Not only is it stupid, it's even stupider to have a rukhsati when you've already consummated your nikah. What is the point of a symbolic farewell/sending off when you've already begun your married life. What purpose does the valima serve then. It's like we're partying but we don't know why.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
Maybe the idea of rukhsati made sense back in 1700s when traveling was a luxury and the wonderful things like video chatting, facebook, mobile phones, malls and restaurants and the whole idea of commercialized romance did not exist, so the natural distance, lack of opportunities and lack of knowledge would've made it pretty easy for couples to resist the temptation. But in this day and age, what is the point of 'rukhsati'? Once the couple had their nikkah...get them a room and off they go! Everyone's happy. We're neither living 1700s nor we're dealing with 14 year old brides anymore.
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
@Jolie - I remember saying pretty much this to you in another thread and you said there'd be nothing left of our culture if we start nitpicking and denouncing every aspect. What has made you change your mind?
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
The rukhsati is a stupid tradition IMO and for all of those who say, "oh but it's part of our culture," it's a foolish tradition that we all perpetuate needlessly.
I knew of a lady (actually it was before my time), she was 7 months pregnant at the time of her rukhsati and people all haww-hayeed, when religiously there was nothing wrong with her having been intimate and pregant after her nikkah. It's the whole idea of making "haraam" what Allah (swt) has made halal.
Don't wanna make a big deal, but really? They couldn't wait to be under one roof to actually make a baby? No one taught them sex-ed? Fine, you're all halal blah blah but why get pregnant?! Doesn't the couple want to discover the joy of every single day in a pregnancy together, instead of the girl's parents bearing all of that emotional burden instead of the husband? (I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume he paid for all her antenatal check ups. Though we know that while she's in her parent's house, the parents take care of her even if she is nikkahfied)
Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
@Jolie - I remember saying pretty much this to you in another thread and you said there'd be nothing left of our culture if we start nitpicking and denouncing every aspect. What has made you change your mind?
I still ain't no self hating desi, if things work for people, it works, if they don't, they don't.