Re: has my "rukhsati" been done
Khummi, this was almost 40 years ago - like I said before my time.
But forget about discovering the joys of being pregnant together - why put a taboo on something that is religiously acceptable? Everyone says you need to control your desires - who's everyone? A closed-minded society? Allah has said there's nothing wrong with being together so, what place does society have in such a relationship when it's restrictions are wrong?
A nikkah is performed so you don't end up doing something in sin. One of the biggest sins. So, if you have nikkah done so you don't sin, but you still live in the parents house, but essentially sneak behind your parents' backs (I am assuming no parents willingly opens their house to their bahu/damad so they can have a one night stand), then why go through such torture in the first place? Plenty of couples legitimately are living away from their spouses, due to work, due to immigration issues etc. And it's torture. Forget about being intimate. Just not having your life partner around for every single moment is torture. But if you're treating the pre-rukhsati time, as nothing but a time for one-night stands without having any form of responsibility, then you don't deserve to be in such an amazing relationship in the first place. Either curb your desire, or use condoms, or live under one roof.
Plenty of girls even after rukhsati are separate from their husbands due to jobs and stuff like that. They still carry on with getting pregnant and stuff. It's really no one's business how they manage.
And even in the all 'modern shodern' families where the wife is independent/working etc you still see them going back to live with their mothers 1-2 months before they baby arrives.
If due to circumstances such as a job or studies or whatever you can't live with your husband for whatever reason, but you have been living together as husband and wife for a while, then whatever, get pregnany, have twins, adopt cats and dogs and children all you want. But if you're living under the roof of your parents, and your parents are supporting you (ie paying for you), you haven't lived with the husband as husband and wife, then you don't deserve to pretend to be married and then act as if you are living together. There has to be a line somewhere. If you can't wait to do it, then live together. You're halal for each otehr right? Then if you're so ready to shorn off some cultural requirements ie intercourse before living together, then you don't pretend around to follow through on other sentiments of rukhsati and have another party afterwards.
As for your "well put and thought out" argument of the girl living with the parents after delivering, yes it happens, but like I said before, the couple's been living together. The husband is paying the hospital fees, the clothing for the wife and his child, and all other expenses. It's good for the mother as it allows her to unwind and recoup, and if off chance she gets postpartum depression, she has some help and doesn't go and drown her baby. But like I said before, the woman's been living with her husband and he went through the entire pregnancy with her. Sorry but I don't buy your last point of how it's alright to get pregnant like you're getting pregnant in a one night stand and it's equivalent to a young mother living with her parents post-delivery. Oh btw, it doesn't happen in all cases.
