I want to know what the outcome was.
I would write more, but writing in this forum somehow requires me to punch each key very forcibly!! ugh
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Nope. Sorry. I do have an uncle who married a non Muslim ghori without telling anyone beforehand. The family didn't speak to him for six years. Everyone's back on speaking terms noe though.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
A cousin of mine dated a korean guy, parents were totally fine. They got a nikkah done and that was that.
I think parents can be cajoled if there's a nikkah.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
I did and I married him.. A few of my female cousins have as well..
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Two of my cousins married non Muslims goras. marriage of one resulted in divorce and the other one is happily married.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Interesting. Why ask about having a sister who's dated, rather than if anyone's dated someone themselves? Are you wondering about the impact it has on a family's reputation and if other sisters would have issue getting married?
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
@Sara516 you have the stuff to be a good analyst
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Agree with @crabman. Actually @Sara516, you are very intuitive 
I almost feel scared to write it, even though I’m in an anonymous forum, but my sister just married a non-Muslim. I knew him, and he is a sincere nerdy type of gora. Actually I think my sister did the wrong thing. She was engaged to a Pakistani person, yet did not tell the gora. Anyway the mangni ended. My parents always get mad at the gora, but I think it’s my sister’s fault, not his. How was he supposed to know? Khair…my father was extremely extremely angry with my sister. Since this happened (2012), she has not entered in our home. My mom cried, begged, her to leave him but she didn’t. My dad did the diplomat strategy; he used to email her on Eid to at least visit her siblings; he used to wish her happy bday, etc. But to no avail. My parents always said “he is a gora he will use her and throw her away, so we should not shun her completely, because she should have a way to come back. Then we will fix her for marriage, kick her out, and then never deal with her again.” I told my parents that he is not that type of gora, he will never get better than my sister, and I think they will get married, have kids…then what?? Are we going to cry about this forever? We should try to convert this into something socially acceptable before kids appear on the horizon. Then they got mad at me for saying manhoos things.
Anyway…two years later…I was right…they did end up getting married. I met my sister before the wedding and she said her fiance had been studying urdu for a year and he wanted to convert to Islam. He wanted to do it with our family so they could be assured of his sincerity. I told my sister “well i hate what you did, but yeah, it would be nice if we could have a nice nikah and reception so i’ll talk to them”. I told my mom and she said she was ready to accept him as long as he became Muslim. But when my dad came home, they both were together and said “you stab on our back” and they don’t want any jhooti conversion and make sure he never comes to any masjid in our city. I told my sister this, I said I tried, but I couldn’t do more. She understood. I saw her wedding photos in a Facebook group a month later. Her husband only posted his picture alone because he knows about my dad. My sister had no guests from her side.
After this, I went to Pakistan (just came back last month). My cousins were asking about her, but we said she is busy with job. Pakistan is Sooo messed up (well, at least, Islamabad); I can’t tell you. Even in the most well-educated sectors of society, you’ll hear horrible things. I heard people saying they should stone fornicators to death in the park; they told me to remove my Jewish friends from Facebook as they can never be true friends of Muslims, etc etc. I am scared for my sister. What she did felt even more wrong when I was in Pakistan; i mean seriously after just ten days, your mindset changes, if any girl talks loud, laughs in public, they say she is being “over” and look at her as slutty…imagine if they knew what my sister had done. I know she would 100% be dead in Pakistan.
In fact, when discussing my mom’s cousin that married a gora, people were saying that she could have been brought back to “visit” and been killed and then no one would even have the nerve to even take such a step in the future…and they said it’s in our religion, that whoever leaves Islam is worthy of death…and marrying out is a sign that they have rejected Islam. Even if they don’t leave Islam, the marriage is not valid, so therefore they are fornicators, and worthy of 100 lashes. Anyway, when I see my cousins agreeing that leaving Islam means you should be killed, it makes me very sad and scared. I personally do not think my sister is worthy of being beheaded even if we can clearly say this marriage is haram. My mom’s cousin asked me so…is your sister dead for you? You will never see her again? I said “Yeah, whatever” but thinking now, that question makes me very sad. I only have one sister, and even if I become a billionaire, I can never have another full-blood sister again.
Religiously, 100% what she did is wrong and according to what I have read, she needs to be lashed 100 times 
Personally, I feel that living in the West, it is unrealistic to expect that your children will only marry within 0.5% of the population. I also think it is strange that a man can sleep with any captive of war or slavegirl or 5th grader, regardless of consent, but not with another adult with consent. I don’t know if I will be able to pass this on to my kids. My dad has a point too…he said his morals are stronger than blood…and he will not compromise his morals on this and now that she made this choice, she should live with the consequences. If we reconcile, it is like we are telling her she can engage in haram activity, and we are happy with that.
I guess I don’t really have a point with this post. My brothers don’t even care at all; it made me realize how transient boys feelings are. My mom prays for her all the time and sometimes she cries in her jan namaz for Allah tala to bring her out of this difficulty. My dad told us that he will finish her, but my mom always tells him that he would just be punishing himself…my dad said so what…my life is not worth anything anymore. He is just living because he has to pay mortgage for us. My parents kind of have some hope with me…that I will get a good rishta…they can do a nice shaadi and sort of regain their face in front of their friend group (since they are all friends with my sis ex fiancee). But…i mean…wont it be obvious then that my sister is missing? And wont a rishta feel betrayed that we didn’t tell him about my sister? Now my sister is married; I think she may get pregnant soon, then we can’t even do a reception…
I am hoping someone can tell me a way to create some good outcome out of this, preferably from personal experience.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
I think your best avenue is to reconnect with your sister without your parents. What happens or doesn’t happen in Pakistan is irrelevant as your sister won’t be going there.
if your parents come around well and good, if not at least you and your sister would always have a relationship.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Oh man. 
But if the guy is Muslim now (right?) how is she still sinning? :-/
Good luck with you hun. 
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
My cousin had a r’ship with a non-muslim white women and had kids out of wedlock. Whole family didn’t speak to him for years. Everyones only just started talking to him now. But now they both have split up.
His parents did say they have no problem with her as long as she becomes muslim and marries him. She refused.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
You cannot control what your sister, cousins in Pakistan or your parents do. However, you have 100% control over your own actions. You could have done more for your sister’s wedding. You could have told your sister that you are sad that your parents were refusing to accept her wedding BUT if she invites you, as her sister, you would LOVE to be a part of her wedding. You could have made the choice to attend the wedding so your sister would have had at least you from her side.
What’s done is done. Moving forward, stop worrying about what others are doing and focus on yourseld. Decide…do YOU want a relationship with your sister and her future children? If the answer is “yes” then YOU reach out to your sister and start building that relationship. As for what’s going to happen in the future during your rishta…worry about that when you actually have a good rishta.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
^^ She probably could not have come to the wedding as her parents would have found out (people would have seen pictures on Facebook etc and told her parents) and she is living with them and doesn’t want them to get upset. IA, don’t worry, at least your sister is married to a Muslim now. I suggest that you at least speak to her over the phone from time to time, if you can. That should support her.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
My elder sister is dating a Hindu for the past few years and its been a very bumpy ride for the entire family!
The guy has no plans to convert to Islam nor would my sister ask that of him. She was always the naive one & would go wherever her heart takes her. My parents love her way too much & we belong to a religious cast/community where it has been noticed that a 29yr old, decent looking girl with plenty of rishtas isn’t married yet while her younger sibling (me) got married before her. My parents have a huge concern as to what are they suppose to tell people who ask them what she is up to & why are they rejecting decent rishtas & if she marries him how are they going to face the community (my dads quite known & respected in our community and however loving my dad is..this matters to him & I get that cuz the man has built this reputation of his with hard work)
Sometimes I think to myself why couldn’t she be one of the million girls who shut up and conventionally marry a decent paki guy and save us all this misery. My parents did everything right with us, they loved us & cared for us & gave us enough freedom to explore our paths then why are they suffering at this point in their lives, I mean I was considered the ‘black sheep’ of the family and I couldn’t ever think of marrying outside our cast let alone religion. For me, this whole love episode with a non muslim is not worth the heartache it causes ur loved ones.
So the point is…that there is no point..as in I dont have a solution for u because I haven’t found one myself but I can suggest u few things:
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Highlight to ur parents the sawab she has received for teaching Islam & its ways to a non Muslim and the sawb they will get for accepting him and getting a chance to further teach him about the religion. The community would eventually be proud of the family for converting a non Muslim to a Muslim. Get facts and hadiths from Quran to back up your argument, use a 3rd party as an example if u need to
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Be an active member in ur sisters life. I made a mistake of compromising my relationship with her when she first started dating him, I was so focused on the bit about him being a ‘Hindu’ I lost my bond with my elder sister & I’ll never get it back because I have way too much ego to reconsile or mend what was long ago broken.
I hope ur family mends ties with her, regardless of the mistake or not she committed by being in a relationship with a non muslim, she ended up converting him into a muslim & she will be rewarded for that by Allah then who are we as humans to judge her or not accept her right?
Hope it helps!
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Hmmna-yeah that’s what I am doing so far
Sara516-He didn’t formally become a Muslim; he was willing to but now he says if it does not make a difference in the overall scheme of things, he’ll just stay as is (he is not of any religion). His actions in life are the same with and without Islam (other than the rituals), but honestly my brother does not even do those. So it just shows that my dad just wanted the conversion as a “capitulate under my way” type of thing…it was never about his actual morals. And even if he is Muslim, any girl who gets married without her wali’s permission has an invalid marriage, so either way, her marriage is not allowed.
SummerFruits- wow ..
Paheli00–i don’t know why you are so antagonistic (“what’s going to happen in the future during your rishta…worry about that when you actually have a good rishta.”). I actually do have a good rishta right now, and my parents said we are not going to tell him that my sister is married. I want to tell him now, because if it is a dealbreaker for him, I don’t want to waste his time. And I could not have gone to my sister’s wedding, because then I would not have any home to return to..
eastern11-exactly..that was my situation.
ShimmerV–Your response helped me the most. I am afraid that would happen to us, and it would be sad given that we had more than 25 years together. I have put my ego on the backburner after visiting Pakistan…to hear my parents and elders talk about how they will most likely be dead in 20 years was kind of eye-opening. And I think I have read thousands of hadiths now since this happened..same with my parents…I have learned that basically in every mazhab she needs to be lashed or stoned and that her relation is haram. The sad thing is that now he is realizing that Islam is kind of harsh in terms of punishments…he is more alienated from Islam now.
I think the issue is not whether or not to talk to her. I already do…but eventually talking would lead to meeting and having a lifetime relationship with her. So the issue is how to find a Pakistani husband who will be ok with accepting both my sister and her gora husband in our family life.
My parents say that would set a bad example for my kids.
So far, all the rishtas I am getting are Muslim and Pakistani…some quite religious…I feel like if I decide on being a literalist paki muslim girl, i have better marriage chances because there are a lot of dudes in the “Pakistani Muslim in US” category, but then, I have no sister. It doesn’t make sense to be all gung ho “islam islam” and then be tacitly endorsing a relationship that is totally against that.
I guess I could go for a more liberal Pakistani guy, but I feel like they are already hooking up with a Katie or Molly
Basically, I guess this whole issue has made me worry about its effect on my rishta life+its made me question religion. So now I have to decide which religious path I want, because that will affect my rishta choice, which will affect whether I’ll be able to meet up with her.
yes, i did come here to empty out my dil ka gubar…Sorry haha i feel better though 
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Well i pray for you family. I am sorry..but it just bothered me that you keep mentioning about killing, beheading and all that. Now i know..and KNOW..that you don’t intend anything like that nor your family. Don’t talk like that. I also know that, our religion forbids women to marry outside their religion..and she is not considered married by our religion. But what else could you guys could do. You did whatever you could, then leave it up to her. She is responsible adult at the end of the day..and she will be answerable to Allah like all of us..whatever we do.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
I’m confused, has the guy converted to Islam for your sister or no?
Do you want to have a relationship with your sister?
I’m asking because it sounds like you’re more worried about what other people will say or think (other people such as your potential rishta, family back home etc). While your concerns are valid, you can’t change the fact that your sister in now married to a gora and at some point in the future, she is going to have a family with him most likely. Do you want to be a part of that? If you do - then now is the time for you to try to mend the relationship between your sister and your parents. Explain to them that they can’t hide this forever, it’s going to come out eventually and the damage will be far less if they take care of it now.
Also, you need to build some courage and confidence into yourself whether you want to have a relationship with your sister or not - because at the end of the day, for outsiders she will always be your sister - even if you cut all ties with her.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Am shocked at the talk of killings and so on.. I’m trying to find an article on this I read on Sunnipath a while back but the site is down.. It said something along the lines of keeping the door open to the sister who married the non-Muslim so they could become better Muslims later on iA..
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Yes, this is what a friend’s cousin are doing right now. The girl completely broke all relationship with her parents pre-emptively but her brother kept contact and remained her confidant along with all their cousins. From flat out refusing to ever visit Pakistan she now came for Eid with her gora atheist husband and their son. They even went to the eid ki Namaz.
The family is not letting her break contact like she did earlier because even if their daughter is waffling on whether she’s a Muslim or not they have hopes that her son might see the positive side of his mother’s heritage and their religion and follow them back. They are also trying to get them to get a nikkah instead of the court documents they signed. At this point even if the guy says laailaaha on paper they’ll be relieved so they’re packaging Islam like a quirky cultural thing instead of honour killing vile.
Re: Has anyone had a sister that dated/married a non-Muslim?
Like others have said… whatever your sister did can’t be undone. As for the future, you need to decide whether to remain in touch with her or not. On the side, you can pray that she finds right guidance and makes rights decisions for the future. Allah can guide anyone He wants to, let’s pray that your sister gets it.
As for your rishta, some families may have issue when they find out what your sister did but in this day and age these things are expected. Try to find someone living in west for few generations, he and his family will be better suited to understand your situation. Because frankly someone will be way too naive and simple to not to understand such issues while living in west. After 3 or 4 generations issues like these become norm, that’s probably downside of living in west for a better quality life. Importing someone from Pakistan now, for your marriage, may backfire. Also it is much better if you tell at least the guy, if not his family, about this issue in the beginning.