Re: Happily married but....
You better be enjoying it ... Ain't gonna happen when you'll have couple of kids running after you yelling daddy daddy ....
Re: Happily married but....
Does your wife hangout with miss A? It is possible that during their conversations miss A said something about you which rang alarm bells for your wife. Try to limit your interactions with miss A.
Ekmung and reha were right. A actually has been complementing about me to my wife and her friend circle. Wife told me very annoyingly and asked me if i ever felt same about her and going all emotional. And guys, it is not like i would grab a coffee with her everyday. May be twice a week. Even then ill stop. Funny thing is A would be the one to say "o lets go to timmies". I would just take as whatever.
Also i am not getting any thrills nor i am trying to play innocent card. I wouldnt never hurt my wife like that.
What actually more disheartening is that there are couple of girls in wife's circle of friends who always feed her that she shouldn't trust me(husband) too much. And her friends do not have good reputation among our family friends. I have never nor would ask her to break her friendship with them because i trust my wife. Being naive? No but i am giving my wife benefit of a doubt.
Re: Happily married but....
I will again say that she has trust issues & she is insecure too ...... if you trust your spouse tu hazaar titliyaan ird gird mandraye koi farq nahi parta .....
Re: Happily married but....
But they are girls. Would you be as trusting if they were guys?
Re: Happily married but....
^ you are asking from me?
Women. It so hard to understand them. I took vacation and asked her where would she like to go for short trip. She said..'i dont want to go anywhere'. When i said ok ill cancel my vacation. ' You can go if you want'. What the heck. I am being nice to you..arghh. Making me angry now.
She has guy friends. And i know them and am not insecure one bit. In fact she has good male friend who also works with her..they go to coffee too in their lunch time one in a while. Again i trust her.
Re: Happily married but....
Ekmung and reha were right. A actually has been complementing about me to my wife and her friend circle. Wife told me very annoyingly and asked me if i ever felt same about her and going all emotional. And guys, it is not like i would grab a coffee with her everyday. May be twice a week. Even then ill stop. Funny thing is A would be the one to say "o lets go to timmies". I would just take as whatever. Also i am not getting any thrills nor i am trying to play innocent card. I wouldnt never hurt my wife like that.
What actually more disheartening is that there are couple of girls in wife's circle of friends who always feed her that she shouldn't trust me(husband) too much. And her friends do not have good reputation among our family friends. I have never nor would ask her to break her friendship with them because i trust my wife. Being naive? No but i am giving my wife benefit of a doubt.
When a woman hears wonderful things about her husband from another woman...uske kaan kharay hojate hein. She may never admit it but she's watching that woman now from the corner of her eye. So your friend A has been kind of careless and now she has to deal with it. You will have to distance yourself from her.
Friends who encourage any negativity in a marriage...are not real friends. Its best you find a way to distance her from them. I hate to say this because it sounds like I am asking you to control her but some people are not strong enough to bounce off negativity. Some women DO get influenced by what others think quite easily.
I will again say that she has trust issues & she is insecure too ...... if you trust your spouse tu hazaar titliyaan ird gird mandraye koi farq nahi parta .....
Agar un hazaron mein se ek apke naak pe akay bait jaye...to farq parta hai.
Re: Happily married but....
Hi Hassan,
You need to think about what you value more, this friendship with 'A' or maintaining your marriage with the woman who you committed your life too.
You wife is somebody who you promised to share your ENTIRE life with, raise a family with and spend the rest of your days and nights with, and if you were smart, you would think about the future and realise that you don't want to ruin anything with her.
If you are not a suspicious person, then well done, that's a good thing. But you can't blame your wife if she is suspicious about 'A'. People are different and nobody's perfect.
Please please please, for the sake of your wife's happiness and the health of your marriage, STOP meeting this girl for coffee, find some other boys to be friends with, and do not associate or communicate with 'A' anymore. Like somebody else already said earlier, she missed her chance so why is she hanging around you if she knows you're married, AND why are you letting her ???
You're married now. Please start acting like it.
I can't tell you how hurt and betrayed I would feel if I found out my hubby was regularly spending time alone with another girl, never mind if it was a girl he had a history with and had marriage talks with !!! It would be soooo hurtful. Just devastating.
Just stop Hassan. Stop
Save all that attention and time alone for your precious wife, not a random female work friend.
Re: Happily married but....
So as everyone know i got married last year and couldn't be happier. Recently, one of my wife's friend, call her A. A was our mutual family friend of ours before we got married. A recently finished her residency and work at same hospital as i do here. A is single girl and before i married my wife, me and A talked for a bit for marriage purpose. But didn't end up working out. So my wife feels for strange reason that she is liking me. And i had no clue until my wife told me yesterday. When i asked her why would she even think like that. Instead of giving me reason she got angry and asking me that why would I be interested to know. So here i am clueless what have i done wrong?.
Our married life is great but sometimes i feel she just gets angry for no reason. Its not like i talk to girl A outside work. Except we are at work and grab coffee together. Which my wife knows. I mean if my wife is feeling bit jealous i am willing to do anything but i want her to talk about it. Instead of keeping it in.
I would say, dont worry about these things. Wives will remain wives. No matter what you do. So just keep doing the right things and dont worry about what makes her angry. She will be angry for one reason or the other, and most of the time you will find yourself surprised at "how she can be angry on this". Again, dont try to understand woman, because you can't. Just try to keep her happy your own way.
Re: Happily married but....
Bbcd. She does trust me. But not sharing why us she thinking like this I have never given her any reason. I love her.
I think your wife and A had some sort of conversation somewhere sometime, in which either A explicitly showed some sort of appreciation for you. Women will never forget these things. Trust me. On my wedding night, I told my wife about my crush for someone and the marriage proposal I sent. After many many years of happy married life and many kids, she still reminds me that. You can't change women, Live with this fact.
Re: Happily married but....
She has guy friends. And i know them and am not insecure one bit. In fact ** she has good male friend who also works with her..they go to coffee** too in their lunch time one in a while. Again i trust her.
Nope. I can understand the guy friend part, which is fine, its the coffee part that is kind of concerning and the good friend part too. Confront her, tell her it goes both ways.
I see you guys like coffee a lot, why don't you send the coffee money to me and work on fixing up the little problem.
This is just my theory:
Many a times our actions are guided by our instincts. One may not realise, why one does the things one does and also fails to realise the reasons of other person's actions or reactions, just because the answers need deeper understanding of human behaviour. Keeping in mind anomalies, instinctively (or possibly because of extended learned behaviour), females are driven to procreate and raise offsprings. The well being of themselves and their offsprings is the prime factor in their lives and most of their behaviours originate because of this instinct. Males are mostly driven by hunter instincts and desire to mate. Male behaviour is driven by that. Religion, society and culture can mask instinctive behaviour but the risk of instincts surfacing exists.
My reasoning is not a basis of justifying any act, as human mind should be capable enough to overcome instincts.
So instinctively, a woman knows that once she is in a secure relationship, she needs to protect that relationship for herself and for her children (and at times for her immediate family). Her instincts tell her not to trust any other female who can even remotely be a threat to that relationship. Her instincts also tell her that she cannot trust her man and let him get tempted as she could face exposure for her and her children.
Once in a relationship, likely women start their relationship with a deep distrust in their partner and over time their distrust can decrease or increase. Their tolerance can similarly increase or decrease. To protect a relationship sometime women do such things that deteriorate their relationship with their partners (Men also do).
In your wife's case, your friendship with a coffee mate is a threat and must be neutralised ASAP. She needs you along with her to protect her long term goals and anything in between. She knows instinctively that your long term goals are not aligned with her long term goals, even if you both actually don't really know it.
Ok i did try to talk to her about distancing herself from her friends who are negative influence on her. But according to her it is not that easy because she has mutual friends with them. But at least she was understanding and listening. And i assured her i will never go to coffee with A anymore.
[quote="“bbbcd, post:3654, topic:282444"”]
I will again say that she has trust issues & she is insecure too … if you trust your spouse tu hazaar titliyaan ird gird mandraye koi farq nahi parta …
[/quote]
Yes she does. She tells me it is not me but she doesnt trust A. A always praises me on my dress, work because i am technically A’s boss too. She reports to me.
Nope. I can understand the guy friend part, which is fine, its the coffee part that is kind of concerning and the good friend part too. Confront her, tell her it goes both ways.
I see you guys like coffee a lot, why don’t you send the coffee money to me and work on fixing up the little problem.
[/quote]
Haha. On serious note i told her and guess what answer was. “But you know him he is like brother to me”. Like any other married couple we need lot of fixing to do.
I think your wife and A had some sort of conversation somewhere sometime, in which either A explicitly showed some sort of appreciation for you. Women will never forget these things. Trust me. On my wedding night, I told my wife about my crush for someone and the marriage proposal I sent. After many many years of happy married life and many kids, she still reminds me that. You can’t change women, Live with this fact.
[/quote]
Yes A did. Often complementing on clothing and eye color. I have bluesh green eyes. Lol. I think which ticked my wife off. Which is understandable.
Really appreciate your post but you are making me sound bad. My intention was never to hurt my wife and do anything behind her back. I did say i will never go with A for coffee.
Re: Happily married but....
you also need to break any friendship between wife and A.
Again you are making me look like a culprit. My friend was right there is no winning with women.