So I am quite a fussy person when it comes to preparing and eating food. I ALWAYS wash my hands with soap before handling food, even for like making a sandwich or something. I don’t like sharing food with other people, and don’t drink from the same glass as anyone, except husband and probably my mum. I HATE IT when people taste the food from the pot with the spoon, and then PUT THE SPOON BACK IN!
My in-laws on the other hand… well they do all of these things. E.g. my MIL, while cooking, will taste from the cooking spoon and then return it to the pot, or worse still, dip her finger in the food to taste my SIL once made raita at my house, and while mixing it with a spoon she tasted the salt and pepper, and put the same spoon back in. Also my BIL will take the salad with his hands, and maybe put stuff back in the plate if he doesn’t like it. Once he was having cereal and needed more sugar, so he licked his spoon to get rid of the milk, and dunked the whole tabelspoon in the sugar to get a spoonful. Ugh.
Lol. I know it sounds funny just writing it. But it drives me crazy! Practically speaking - is there ANYTHING I can do in such situations?
The way I’ve handled it so far is to just not eat anything where I’ve seen this ‘contamination’ take place lol. Like the sugar my BIL ruined - I opened a new packet after that and would only use from there.
Is there a nice way of telling them that it grosses me out, or do I have to live like this for the rest of my life?
I'm like you but living with in laws for the past 13 years, It doesn't bother me. As a family unit, the family might not be grossed out but bringing in a new member, they unconsciously forget that it bother the new member of the family. Honestly my Inlaws are the cleanest people I know so I don't worry about germs or the ghin factor but I can't share food and I hate double dipping. You can indirectly mention that it grosses you by saying you went to a friends house that she double dipped or something and you couldn't eat the food. out. How open are you with them?!? If you can hold a open dialogue with them, then you can even address it but if you can't because you might hurt them, then stay mum. Be considerate, because when she is cooking, or.serving, it is for her children and you are just an addition.
Maybe you can try making fun of yourself about it. Like you know it's silly, but these things bother you. Make it more about you than about bring grossed out by them.
Depending on your relationship, you could guide them taking on one small thing at a time, and hopefully rid them of this behavior.
Or you're going to just have to accept it and avoid it as much as you can without insulting them.
Living in hostel and then single, before marriage, i had these habits like putting the spoon back in after tasting food etc, took my wife and mom an effort to get rid of these habits.
Living in hostel and then single, before marriage, i had these habits like putting the spoon back in after tasting food etc, took my wife and mom an effort to get rid of these habits.
By constantly pointing out. I had to re learn it. And when I went to hostel I was initially considered rude, as some friends will just like to take something from your plate, or like a sip from a drink one is having and i was like wth, but gradually it became OK. Then after coming back home, had to shed off these habits.
Theorist you're right ek lehaaz se I am lucky I don't live with them so I don't have tolerate it on a daily basis. But I have to keep taaluk with them for the rest of my life lol. That means inviting/going for dawats, where these kinds of things happen. Also MIL does live with me a few months a year so I can't totally avoid it.
Another annoying habit is food storage: uncovered plates of food left out for days. Or uncovered in the fridge. Or tinned things e.g. pineapple pieces left inside the tin for days (don't you get some kind of poisoning from that?). One time MIL served a leftover omlette at breakfast that'd been out for about two days. FIL took a bite... then said to me: nnabid, don't eat this egg - it is rotten. Lol. But it's ok I can handle this one - I quietly go and store food according to my preference. I always box leftovers up and fridge/freeze them, or put them in a plate and cover with cling film. Nothing is ever left uncovered in my fridge.
Theorist you're right ek lehaaz se I am lucky I don't live with them so I don't have tolerate it on a daily basis. But I have to keep taaluk with them for the rest of my life lol. That means inviting/going for dawats, where these kinds of things happen. Also MIL does live with me a few months a year so I can't totally avoid it.
Another annoying habit is food storage: uncovered plates of food left out for days. Or uncovered in the fridge. Or tinned things e.g. pineapple pieces left inside the tin for days (don't you get some kind of poisoning from that?). One time MIL served a leftover omlette at breakfast that'd been out for about two days. FIL took a bite... then said to me: nnabid, don't eat this egg - it is rotten. Lol. But it's ok I can handle this one - I quietly go and store food according to my preference. I always box leftovers up and fridge/freeze them, or put them in a plate and cover with cling film. Nothing is ever left uncovered in my fridge.
Again, be glad you are not dealing with this 24/7. You can't expect someone to be exactly like you. Even in your family, you will have siblings who do things that annoy you. No two people live exactly the same way. Unless this was happening in your kitchen everyday, I don't think it's an issue at all. Yes, the spoon licking and putting it back thing is absolutely disgusting but you can tell your BIL not to do it again. When you have family over, you should expect your routine to get disturbed, especially if these are long-stay visits. Believe me in many ways you are way better off than most who post here. Your issues as always are petty non-issues. I have a million pet-peeves. If I sat down to tell you about them, the whole world will be on that list one way or another.
^Theorist is right and Ghost has a point too. There are germs everywhere, you just haven’t thought about the other examples, lol. Like how when you flush the toilet the germs fly up in the air and land on your toothbrush, the soap bar, the counter. Point is, you can’t be totally germ-free no matter how hard you tried.
I think that talking to in-laws about is likely going to backfire. I think that even if you were to turn it into a joke where you poke fun at yourself for being the “weird” neat-freak, your in-laws may agree with you instead of getting the hint, thus leaving you more frustrated. But there may be some ways for you to maybe work around this. For instance, if your in-laws are in the habit of checking food, then take a small amount of the salan/chawal out and put in a plate…and MIL can do a taste check from that plate. Just tell her nicely that mainay plate main thora nikal k rakha hai avar kisi ne chakhna ho. And you can set out this small amount of salan before hand. You can remove the big salan wala spoon or doyi…so that they are not able to taste from the spoon and then swirl it back into the salan. You can try to be “quick” about this…where you hand them a clean spoon each time they come to the kitchen to taste food. But do you really wanna be supervising the kitchen all day? You can keep a separate container of “cleaner sugar” for yourself or serve you BIL the sugar yourself the next time he asks or give him a spoon.
You may have more luck with telling your BIL to be more hygienic as the women amongst in-laws are likely to misinterpret you. But you can’t monitor these things all day or you’ll stress yourself out. That said, you’ll have to relax a bit.
If only I knew what, Theorist? I don't have the experience of marriage nor have I made claims. I put forth some suggestions/ideas and OP can tame them or leave them.
my SIL once made raita at my house, and while mixing it with a spoon she tasted the salt and pepper, and put the same spoon back in. Also my BIL will take the salad with his hands, and maybe put stuff back in the plate if he doesn’t like it. Once he was having cereal and needed more sugar, so he licked his spoon to get rid of the milk, and dunked the whole tabelspoon in the sugar to get a spoonful. Ugh.
But there may be some ways for you to maybe work around this. For instance, if your in-laws are in the habit of checking food, then take a small amount of the salan/chawal out and put in a plate…and MIL can do a taste check from that plate. Just tell her nicely that mainay plate main thora nikal k rakha hai avar kisi ne chakhna ho. And you can set out this small amount of salan before hand. You can remove the big salan wala spoon or doyi…so that they are not able to taste from the spoon and then swirl it back into the salan. You can try to be “quick” about this…where you hand them a clean spoon each time they come to the kitchen to taste food. But do you really wanna be supervising the kitchen all day? You can keep a separate container of “cleaner sugar” for yourself or serve you BIL the sugar yourself the next time he asks or give him a spoon.