Handling pet peeves with the ILs

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

:smack: what the hell was I thinking. I thought that post was from the OP, which really confused me to begin with. I was like why is she giving advice to herself. Lol!

That was really stupid of me. I apologize. I must have been really really sleepy.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

^Lol, it's okay. Although I kinda don't blame OP...especially for the licked spoon mixed in the sugar. The heebie jeebies from that would be hard to shrug off.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

I'm not married but I would keep quiet and not say a word. Totally not say anything because something you might not like is something they've been used to growing up in their house. If you aren't living in a situation where they are permanently living with you and your husband, deal with it for now. Just adjust to it because they will take offense being direct will only cause friction and conflict. I'm pretty sure if you ask your sis in law or your mother in law, they can point out a couple of your flaws and things they might not agree with or are used to. We all have issues we have to improve on. I'd just take it, your in laws are not your husband they are set in their ways and they will be sensitive unless they are totally easy going to the point of understanding or adjusting too and they see why it might not be something you agree with.

make a separate dish with rice, roti for yourself ahead of time, freeze it and only eat that or actually see it as something your mother would've done and just eat what has been made double dipped spoon and all and see it as something that would strengthen your bond with his family and with him. Close your eyes to it but definitely don't complain to your husband about such tiny things. Keep the peace.

I use my sis in law as an example of total good daughter in law behavior. She's been married to my brother for a while and my family members do love her.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

OP - I am exactly like you. Wash my hands 100 times a day (especially before cooking or eating and after handling raw meat etc.). Never dip my finger in food etc.

My MIL, hubby and SILs are exactly like your in-laws! Yes, it is annoying. In fact, my SILs eat straight from the penut butter jar (jhoota) and dip same spoon back in. We joke about it. I tell them they're crazy. They don't care. I just don't eat the penut butter. As for eating my MILs food, well...sometimes I pretend I didn't see her dip the finger in and try to erase it from my memory....cuz she is just that good of a cook. sigh

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

While cooking, my mom will sometimes put a little bit of salan into a bowl/plate for herself or anyone else to do a taste check. Like if she wants my opinion, she'll have my test some from the portion taken out. So, OP, maybe that might help the situation a bit.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

I am so happy I am not a brown chick, how the hell do you do it. Sharing space and food is not enough, now you have to share body fluids with them also..Seriously!!!! People from back home don't have communicable diseases; I guess. Yes other places have germs but unless you are not really kinky you wouldn't be licking the phone. People use clean utensils to eat or wash their hands before eating. Expecting people to have manners is not much to ask for. Where do we draw the line, picking nose, scratching privates..WTH...

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

For those who wash their hand 10^2 times in a day - please ensure tap is on low flow. Water is the next platinum. (though there are plans to recover water from asteroids; but this recovered water is for fueling old spacecraft).

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

Theory u r treading into dangerous territory. Only I retain rights to post without threading the thread. Don’t do it again.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

I've seen nonfamily members that have had colds or trying clear their throat of sputum and i've seen them spit it all out in the kitchen sink. I never felt like using that sink again but telling them directly caused them to go full on drama queen mode where they cried up a storm even if I mentioned it in the most polite and respectful way that was logical. Some people are just raised a different way and how ever you try to get them to see why it might be gross, they take offense to it especially if they are of the older generation or already set in their ways.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

OP,My mom is exactly like this. infact a bit more. she has her own drinking water glass and none of us are allowed to use that glass for ourselves. lol. since we have been brought up by her in the same manner we also take care of such things and she never had any issues but now my nephew who is a 4 years old naughty soul drives her nuts over this. although he doesn’t live with us but he comes everyday to our place and then he would open the refrigerator, take out the jam jar, lick from the jar and put that back to the refri. and would take the juice & drink bottles, drink from the bottle and put that back. lols. and my mom tries to stop him and also told my bhabhi to teach him not to d oit this way, but since my bhabhi doesn’t think of this as a big deal she doesn’t really pay attention to this.
in your case too, i would suggest that since this isn’t a big deal for your in-laws and also you don’t live with them in the same house and only have to bear this few times, you better not ask them to change their ways because they might take that as DIL dictating them.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

Don't say Anything just show them ur nature to deal this by putting extra sugar in sugar pot with another small spoon. Like for tasting food taste and wash the spoon infront of them and put it back. and for uncoverd food covered them if it for many days than throw that. And try to be politely says I take care of hygiene and all for good health of her son and for everyone.hope she understand.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

The easiest way to do this is to get someone u can yell at or tell off to do double dipping or spoon licking in front of them (ur hubby or ur kids) . Then u tell that person off in front of them , if they're smart enough they'll get the hint. U can go for the whole shabang then... Explain the spreading, contamination and cross contamination germ issues, sort of discovery channel meets hum tv. Tell me how it went :)
If u can get ur husband to pass some hints, he could always light heartedly say something along the lines "nnabid nay tumhay (bil or sil) dekhliya to tumhari khaer nahi" ... "Ammi agar nnabid nay aapko dekh liya hota to khana khaye baghaer he usko bacteria say food poisoning ho jati"... Things like that, and if they asked him to elaborate further he could explain to them how u feel when u see things like this, and how he has just changed his habits a bit, and that though u r slightly on the paranoid end of things, scientifically these r not healthy food handling habits. Maybe that'll be enough to get the point across.
My husband is paranoid about cross contamination stuff but now I do understand the point better. For example, drinking juice or milk straight from the bottle, the problem is not necessarily exchanging saliva with ur family members cuz generally ppl don't mind that for their immediate family, but the point is that ur oral bacteria has now entered a bottle that has to sit for a few days in the fridge, and every time it comes out of the fridge and the temperature increases that bacteria has a blast in there multiplying and having fun making it milk go bad sooner (or at least giving off a weird musty at the neck of the bottle).

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

^Those are some good ideas.

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

woah, that’s pure genius!!! It just might work. :k:

That thought did come to my mind of having a friend come over and OP yell at her for double dipping. It would be back to high school drama school.
With the hubby and the kids, it might cause an emotional response, what if the family members come to the defense of the husband or the kids that are being yelled at by OP for double dipping the licked spoon? Like “What’s the big deal, stop yelling at them for something so small and poor little Najma just wanted a taste, it’s within the family…blah blah blah”. But then again when she explains to them why she is yelling at the kids or hubby, the whole contamination issue, it might open their mind to it and none of them would get hurt since they would realize it themselves…

I would love to find out if this works to resolve her issue. It’s such a diplomatic approach and no one gets hurt since all that have a problem with it are acting.

I love the way you think Sasha21:flower2:

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

you dont use your tablet as salan plate

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Re: Handling pet peeves with the ILs

Lol. Funny responses!

So I know it's not that big a deal guys - chill out. I've been living with it for over a year - I just thought I might ask in case someone comes up with a good idea on how I could deal with it. Sasha's ideas are funny lol, I could try that with the hubby. But I really hate confrontation and it's too much of a headache to try and 'plan' a scenario where I ask him to do something and then I will make a speech lol.

As I said the way I deal with it is just close my eyes and pretend nothing has happened. Or if one of my ILs is cooking, I will try not to watch what they're doing because I know it'll annoy me.